Just worn out

by EmptyInside 56 Replies latest jw friends

  • wantstoleave

    You sound just like me :) Needing the validation from another human being, that yes, you are worth something. I think I do this even to this day. Hard habit to break. I think it's partly why I jumped into marrying the first one that took interest. I just wanted to be worth something to someone other than my family. You make perfect sense.

  • bluecanary

    Welcome EmptyInside!

    You may have heard this before but I will say it here because it's important: Being in a bad marriage can make you lonlier than being single. Unfortunately, a lot of us who married JWs experienced bad marriages. As bad as you feel about being single (and I know, I've BEEN there; those conventions were such a miserable experience) you are fortunate to have escaped a worse fate. That's little comfort right now, I know.

    There are two points I want to make to you. First, the world (and I mean that in the normal sense, not just the JW sense) is full of wonderful men. Give yourself permission to find one of them. It is not too late for you to find love. Get yourself a book on dating so you can do it the smart way and not fall prey to the risks that us naive JW girls aren't always savvy to.

    The second, and most important point is this: the emptiness inside of you cannot be filled by another person. It can only be filled by you. You may feel scared or depressed by things that you're thinking right now, but they will only go away with MORE thought, rather than less. Let yourself think. Let yourself research. Let yourself become YOU rather than what you've been told you ought to be. In this way you will find happiness as well as make yourself a more attractive person to some of those wonderful men.

    Much happiness to you.

  • chickpea

    welcome to the boards

    as was said... many people in those
    marriages you observe are emotionally
    exhausted and disappointed and feeling
    "weak" because they cannot live up to the
    demands of the WTS...

    it is exhausting to keep that hamster wheel turning...

    most of us have been where you are, thinking there is
    something wrong with US because of how we genuinely
    feel, but i for one have come to discover, it never was
    about how weak i was, just how unaware....


  • scotinsw

    Hi and welcome

    I can understand what you're feeling. I was a JW until I was 27 and went through the exact same emotions.

    Whahappened is right - sometimes the loneliest place in the world is in a KH. Especially if your not in with the "in" families. Its good that you have a life outside of the congregation - getting out and meeting non-witnesses is a real eye-opener. We're not all evil. xx

  • Cadellin

    Welcome, Emptyinside!! You are not alone in how you feel. It sounds like you're on the right track, volunteering somewhere you find meaningful, having a (non-JW) guy friend. I think the advice to take care of yourself physically is good too, if you're dealing with stress/depression. Get physical, get some kind of exercise every day and eat right.

    But aside from that, think long and hard about what you believe and why. This place is a really good resource to double-check some of the assertions that the WT is so vociferous over. Is 607 BC really when Jerusalem was destroyed? Are things really worse now than they've ever been? Is evolution really "just a theory"? Have humans only been on the earth for 6,000 years? Did "several million" Israelites (and others) leave Egypt? There are some fascinating threads here where you can explore some of these questions calmly and reasonably--and find answers that are both authoritative and unexpected. Cheers!!!

  • palmtree67

    I had 2 friends who married later. One was nearly 40 and the other nearly 30.

    The older one had pioneered for years and one time told me that no one told her that when you made the decision to give your youth to Jehovah, there was a very real possibility that you would never be able to get married. When she had had enough of being single, she married the only available brother in her age group. And let me tell you - there was good reasons why he was still single at that age. She's had a rough marriage, to a cold and unfeeling man.

    The younger one married a great guy. But she often would come over for dinner when she was single. She told me one time that she very rarely was invited out for dinner and she thought it was because everyone assumes a sister will cook for herself, while they think brothers won't.

    Being friends with them, really opened my eyes to the struggle of ones in your position. I really feel for you. I hope you find happiness, whatever path you choose.

  • WuzLovesDubs

    Welcome. Hugs. This is the only life you have sweetie. It's not a dress rehearsal or the "green room" you wait in for the "real life" to begin in some paradise. What is the paradise you were promised? And if there is a huge shortage of JW men now...how much less so will that be the case in the paradise if there was one?

    It will take 1000 years for you or any of those "prospectives" to reach perfection, whatever that is. I dont know about you...but Im not willing to wait that long. My idea of paradise is not living on a destroyed planet under the direction of the elders who were questionable moral leaders to begin with.

    I left the JWs. I brought my children with me even though I am married and separated from a 22 year marriage to a JW. My children and I have blossomed and now actually LIVE OUR LIVES instead of sitting around waiting for the party to get started.

    Dont waste one more year of your life. Get out there...get away from the confines of that organization.

    But if that is not a viable alternative for you...there are many online JW dating sites from what Ive seen.

  • EmptyInside

    Sorry,I'm bringing back this old thread. It was my first post almost two years ago. I still remember how helpless I felt typing that.

    I'm still touched by the response I received. I miss a couple of the posters on here,like AllTimeJeff,and Stephen.

    I'm at a much healthier state of mind now at this point and time. I realize all the possibilities that are before me. Yes,I still have good days and bad days,sometimes the thought crosses my mind that I wish I could go back to my blissful ignorance. But,reading my first post helps me see how unhappy I was.

    I still have goals that I'm working on,and it's a process for me,because I can be resistant to change. Then,too,I no longer blame all of my hang-ups and problems on being brought up a Witness. I think some of it has a lot to do with insecurities and fear of failure. I'd probably be that way no matter what religion I professed.

    One thing is that I am no longer depressed at conventions,because I just stopped going,lol. I'm no longer interested in a JW man. We wouldn't have anything in common anymore. That is so freeing like you wouldn't believe.

    But,I'm grateful for this site. I think if I would have continued on the same year after year,I'd be a shell of a person and totally lost.

    Thank you.

  • Retrovirus

    EmptyInside, you made me cry at work, Dammit! That was such a sad first post and I'm so glad things are better for you now.

    As a non-jw but with a less than ideal upbringing and attitude, I felt very empty inside too at a few points of my life, and also despaired of things improving in the future. In one of those times I started "studying" with jws at the instigation of my SIL. I couldn't believe, but tried to, so they would keep visiting.

    But good times came as well as bad. It's strange; when my jw ladies called after stopping the regular "studies" they clearly expected me to feel abandoned. That triggered my self-reliance and things started to turn around. Now that I'm more comfortable I can see how hard their life is with low incomes, illness and the many calls on their time. Depression can make me very self-centered.

    A pity they can probably never really be my friends, but there's all the rest of the world, and everything to learn and do.

    Enjoy the freedom and be happy.

  • EmptyInside

    Sorry Retrovirus,I didn't mean to make you cry. But,it's comforting when others understand all our complex emotions or even lack there of sometimes....

    As a Witness,I believed this life was a bunch of misery and struggle until the new system, where our troubles would magically disappear. But,now,I recongnize that there is a balance. Life is full of ups and downs. But,there are so many enriching experiences and people that make it so much better along the way.

    And now,life will no longer be put on hold.

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