Question about your spouse or ex

by bluecanary 39 Replies latest jw experiences

  • bluecanary

    I've noticed we have a few male posters here with wives who are still in the JWs. And I can think of one female poster (cognac) with a husband in the JWs (although things are looking up for her). Of course we have a few spouses that came out together.

    Is it me, or does it seem like the women here are more likely to have divorced their JW husband--even before leaving--whereas the men are more likely to stay with their wives? I think it says something about the "headship arrangement" that men feel comfortable staying with their wives in spite of religious differences, but women, even when they're both JWs, too often have to get a divorce from abusive JW men.

    Here's an informal poll: what's your marital/JW situation?

  • bluecanary

    Guess I should answer my own question. I started the divorce when we were both JWs but became convinced they were not the true religion during the process.

  • AllTimeJeff

    I don't think my situation was at all typical, as my ex still utters the phrase "faithful and discreet slave" like they are magic incarnated.

    It was my view that as I made up my mind to leave JW's, that she would take another 10 years at least to get her to see the truth about da troof. And considering how she treated me in Cameroon at my lowest, I didn't feel investing more time in her without any reasonable hope that something good would happen at the end of it all.

    It probably made things worse for me, leaving the ex and the truth at the same time. But it was my judgment that they both were tied together inextricably, and so, I made about the cleanest amputation I could.

    Overall, it was a good and wise decision, but I do have the scars to show for it.

  • bluecanary


  • cheerios

    my still-jah-widiot ex-wife was very abusive - emotionally and physically. apparently it was okay with the elders for her slander, endless puerile tirades, destruction of my property, physical abuse of me - after all, it was my fault because i didn't study with her more ... or pray more ...

    that went on for almost 8 years before i had enough and left.

  • Finally-Free

    It may just be a coincidence, but the sex in my marriage ended when the elders turned down my regular pioneer application. The ex's lifelong hope of ever going to Gilead ended, and I guess the blame fell upon me. In spite of that I hung around for another 11 years. Yes, stupid me. When I learned the truth about the cult I DA'd. Six months later I left the spouse because I refused to be treated like a second class citizen in my own home.

    I've been living alone now for nearly 6 years, and I wouldn't have it any other way.


  • coffee_black

    I divorced my husband before I left the borg. Lots of reasons. The process of the divorce brought me to a crossroads... I decided to evaluate my life...which included the borg. I decided to look at all the issues I had recognized but supressed for years regarding the borg. I divorced in 1990 and officially disassociated in 1993...though I had been fading for about 2 years by that time...


  • truthseekeriam

    Still married we have been inactive around 7 months and thinking of fading together.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I have a JW wife. She still totally believes, but is starting to crack on little things that involve using her own brain.
    She has gotten a master's degree while "in" and married to me. She studies very little, typically crams her WT study while I drive the car with the radio on. She does a bit better when she has a talk on the school.

    I was never abusive, she has never felt it was right to "report" my activity to the elders, but feels that she needs to keep our marriage strong and lets my spirituality be between me and God (or me and the WTS).

    There are plenty of various outcomes here. Some husbands divorce, some wives divorce their JW spouse. Many came out together and some are like me, both husbands and wives. Some of it is due to JWism, much of it is just the way it is regardless of JW's. I doubt I would be so forgiving if my wife did report my activity to the elders, but I might try. I consider her captivity to WTS as a medical condition that we both had and I managed to get a cure that hasn't worked on her, YET.

  • bluecanary

    OTWO, I'm obviously not anti-divorce, but I think it's awesome when guys like you keep working at the marriage even when it's really hard. I salute you, sir.

Share this