Question about your spouse or ex

by bluecanary 39 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jamiebowers

    I was df'd for events surrounding my divorce from an abusive jw husband. I used to think that the borg favors men, but after hearing about several men who were in situations similar to mine, I now think the favor of the WB&TS goes to whoever acts submissive to the elders. Abusers, whether male or female are manipulators, and they know ow to work a crooked system like the "truth".

  • bluecanary

    That's a good point jamie. I think, all things being equal, they will more often favor men. But sometimes things are not equal and you're dealing with a sociopath who knows how to manipulate. Or the man in question may just have gotten on the elders' bad side. I think that a bigger issue for the b0rg than sexism is classism. If the woman is a 5th gen alpha family member she may be more important to them than a 1st gen omega.

  • yknot

    What I have heard about is Elders strongly suggesting sisters divorce their apostahusbands under the WTS created clause of 'spiritual endangerment'. However when the wife is the one leaving the Org, the Brother himself is often labeled by the Elders as weak and blamed for not presiding over his home in a fine manner.

  • FlyingHighNow

    I am divorced from a JW man. He saw a lawyer, trying to jar me into behaving better and I called his bluff by hiring my own lawyer. And I have never looked back. Living like a JW woman is expected to, well it nearly killed me. I am sooooo glad to be gone. And he doesn't date or plan to remarry, even though he knows he's free to. He thought he would easily replace me with someone much more submissive. He couldn't.

    I hear he has a lot of respect for me now. Isn't that ironic?

  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    My JW hubby and I divorced and left the troof at about the same time.

    I left the JW's because they were abusive and I didn't want that for my children.

    I left my JW hubby becaue he was/is gay and because he is an idiot when it comes to money. We've been apart for over 12 years now and it's only been the last few years that I have come to realize just how abusive he was too. He had very clever was to put me down while making himself look good, he was a master at it.

  • Beachwalker

    I faded because it dawned on me that the holy spirit wasn't working on my abusive jw husband. Then I started being assertive and he realised he couldn't control me any more. He left a week after we came back from the UK. Guess who had to pay the bill?

    Then he sent me a letter admitting an affair while we were married so I could have 'my' scriptural divorce! What did I care? I was divorcing him anyway.


  • BabaYaga

    OnTheWayOut said:

    I consider her captivity to WTS as a medical condition that we both had and I managed to get a cure that hasn't worked on her, YET.

    Wow. I'm going to have to remember that one!

  • wantstoleave

    Aspeherisnotacircle my husband was the same....clever put downs, manipulative, sly.....emotionally abusive. I didnt realise it until he left. We will be divorced shortly, and I have not told the elders. I figure he will, or, when they find out - it may be the big 'show down' for me to tell them to stick it once and for all. While they have been loving and helpful with me, I cannot get out of my head the 'you are not scripturally free, you cannot remarry'. Nevermind that he near enough DID sleep with women, and who knows, maybe actually did - but because there are not witnesses and he has denied it, I am not free.

    While we were together, there was a time there where he didnt want the truth and it was me who said we shouldnt leave, that we had to think of the children. Nevermind that he never worked, didnt provide for us, didnt support me in any way whatsoever. I could have had him on that earlier on, but not wanting to involve the elders, didnt say a word.

    I was a good wife right down to the end. Flyinghigh, I think my situation will be like yours....he may eventually come to respect me because he lost something good, something he wont find again.

  • Albert Einstein
    Albert Einstein

    My wife is a faithful JW. We have 3 little kids. She accepted the fact Iam an "apostate" (formaly in, inactive) now, and is OK with that now.

    We definetly do not want to get divorced...

    We have an unwritten agreement: She is not seeking "help" againts me and I dont push on her my opinions. I told her, if elders will come over to our house to talk to me - I will be DF on that day. So she rather doesnt talk to the elders...

    We agreed on celebrating birthdays, we just call it "aniversary". We agreed on NOT celebrating christmas, but since our JW relatives do celebrate "HAPPY DAY" one day after Christmass (and nobody has a problem with that...) we will maybe move on that....

    It is a little bit more difficult with kids - our 7 years old son.

    So far its more or less OK...

    I have no idea what will be in 10/20 years from now, but I hope we will not be divorced.


  • jookbeard

    we married in 1990, divorced by 1995 no kids I began my Apostasy in about 1992, although even at the start we were destined for doom any way, she was a nasty, spiteful, violent,neurotic,borderline psycho, so the delve into Apostasy only accelerated the final split, so glad we never had kids together.

Share this