Im new....posting hesitantly :)

by wantstoleave 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • independent_tre

    It can be a very lonely upbringing being in the truth if you arent accepted by the popular witness young ones. Then at school you're not allowed to associate with 'worldly' ones.

    *shivers* That brings back bad memories of my youth.

    Hi & Welcome to forum! I think you'll find a lot of good resources and advice here. One of the most important things you can do at this point is change your doubts into certainties or you'll always feel misplaced guilt and will never be able to recover. Arm yourself with information, be it secular or reading the bible w/o the WT lens. Then you will find certainty in the decision you've made.

    All the best ~

  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    The stuff I have told the elders, well, they have told me that 'if you'd told us sooner then we could've done something'.

    I have learned that this is a comment that elders like to make. It's a way for them to wiggle out of any resposibility and to put the blame squarely on you. iT is a cruel comment to make to someone going through difficult times.

    I left the JW's and a bad JW marraige at the same time. Once I was out in the world I was stunned to discover that worldly men treated me with far more respect then any JW man ever did. Somewhere down the line you will meet a great guy that will rock your world ...... I did

    Btw, all you have to do is tell the elders that your husband told you he had sex with another woman, that's it, insist that you know it to be true. Thet is all the "proof" the elders need, they have to accept it.

  • bluecanary
    Somewhere down the line you will meet a great guy that will rock your world ...... I did

    I second this!

  • jamiebowers
    But the more I think on it, the more ridiculous it is that HE can make decisions for me. That HE is still in control of my life, because he chose to walk out and abandon us. That's what annoys me. I feel like I'm trapped and at his mercy, his whim because he doesn't want me, yet noone else can have me because he chooses so.

    This is the very reason I offered to da, but the elders told me that they would df me instead. I was recently told by my mother that I confessed to committing adultery to her a few months after the elders told me that I would be df'd anyway. I don't remember this confession, but if I made it, it wasn't true at the time. But then again, I would've said anything to get and stay away from my jw husband. He was physcally abusive, dangerously mentally ill and threatening to kill me.

    Please think about how crazy that is! This guy terrorized me for almost seven years, but that wasn't enough for the WB&TS. Did you know that prior to 1974 sisters whose husbands had sex with other men or animals weren't "scripturally" free to remarry according to the WB&TS? Do you really want the future of you and your children to be decided by these meglamanical despots?

    You said your sister cries when you refuse to go to the meetings. Do she and your parents cry about the fact that you've been abandonded with two children? Do they feel any sense of compassion, because you have ZERO chance of ever having someone to love and care for you and your children? Are they willing to share in the burden of financially supporting and raising your kids? Even if they are, how are they going to stave off the lonliness and normal sexual desires that a woman of your age will experience?

    You've been placed in this horrible position by a master manipulator who has the assistance of your own family to keep you there. The only one who can change that is you. You are in a dangerous cult. Google Lifton's Eight Criteria for Cults and tell me that the WB&TS doesn't fit. Get out, get out, get out by whatever means! The organization didn't give a damn about my life, and they certainly couldn't care less about your's. The only people who survive this cult are the ones who are willing to submit even to the death. Manipulative people like your husband know how to play the game and win.

  • shopaholic

    I married at 24......and with my new husband, we only went to a handful of meetings in 4yrs and went witnessing twice. It was during this time I started to really doubt I think. were no longer a witness (you were technically because you were baptized but they should have stop counting you after 6 months of inactivity so actually...) and had the perfect opportunity to fade.

    Anyway, sounds like the indoctrination you got during your teenage years when your family were slackers and you were zealous is starting to kick-in now that life has thrown you a curveball. Basically you are trying to find something to hold on to, someplace safe and the only "stable routine" you know is going to the meetings. I would recommend you take some time and find WantsToLeave.

    Its easy to take the familiar road even when we're not happy because it doesn't require much work. But when you do the work, face your fears, confront the hard questions head on...its not easy but you walk away knowing that you've done the work and made an informed choice.

    Whether you decide to stay or leave, its YOUR choice. Don't do it out of default or because your sister cries. Remember, your sister does NOT have to live YOUR life.

    Wishing you nothing but happiness,


  • wantstoleave

    Oh thankyou so much everyone! You've lifted my spirits!

    Asphereisnotacircle, if I told the elders that, they'd immediately contact his elders overseas to confirm it. To which I know he'd say 'not true'. Then it would be my word against his. As it stands, the elders have continually said to me that statement, its his word against mine.

    Is inactivity just not going witnessing? Or does it include meeting attendance? If its witnessing, Ive not put a report in for close to a year.

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