Hi everyone...I have a confession to make, I actually joined 5mths ago, but never came back to the site. Until now. Ive had doubt for a few years now.
My parents came into the truth when I was a toddler. No other family members are witnesses. Just my parents, and my sister. My husband left me with 2 children over a year ago now and moved to another country. Ive not heard from him since, but my elders tell me he attends meetings and goes witnessing. Yet he shows blatant disregard for the scripture 'a man who doesnt support his own is worse than a man without faith'. Anyway, the point of me being here....my doubts.
Sometimes I just want what 'the world' wants and wonder if Im selfish. Seeing as Ive grown up in the truth. Other times I just dont want the pressure anymore, to attend all meetings and witnessing. I have 2 kids to raise on my own, life is hectic enough. Then theres the thing about being scripturally free. I dont know if I am or not. I know my husband is looking around for someone but he's such a pathological liar, and so secretive, that I know for sure if he did mess around he wouldnt get caught. Which leads me to this bit: even if he did cheat on me, I know he wouldnt fess up. He'd want me to mess up so he could put all the blame on me. Meantime he's playing the field with a heap of girls, this I have proof, but acting all holy and going to meetings.
The stuff I have told the elders, well, they have told me that 'if you'd told us sooner then we could've done something'. Hello, I didnt know til just before I told them! Id found out my husband had been messing around with coworkers, stopping prior to sleeping with them. And I only found out couple months ago, and told the elders. But they came back with 'its too late'. I dont even know if they passed the info on to the elders overseas.
Its all too hard :(
Im not even 30 and living this limbo. He was my first boyfriend. And now we are to be divorced. Yet I wont be scripturally free. Sorry to lump it on you like this, just needed somewhere to rebound my thoughts, instead of my witness family who just tell me 'wait on Jehovah' or 'he will mess up, just wait' or 'you dont need a man'.