Im new....posting hesitantly :)

by wantstoleave 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • wantstoleave

    Hi everyone...I have a confession to make, I actually joined 5mths ago, but never came back to the site. Until now. Ive had doubt for a few years now.

    My parents came into the truth when I was a toddler. No other family members are witnesses. Just my parents, and my sister. My husband left me with 2 children over a year ago now and moved to another country. Ive not heard from him since, but my elders tell me he attends meetings and goes witnessing. Yet he shows blatant disregard for the scripture 'a man who doesnt support his own is worse than a man without faith'. Anyway, the point of me being doubts.

    Sometimes I just want what 'the world' wants and wonder if Im selfish. Seeing as Ive grown up in the truth. Other times I just dont want the pressure anymore, to attend all meetings and witnessing. I have 2 kids to raise on my own, life is hectic enough. Then theres the thing about being scripturally free. I dont know if I am or not. I know my husband is looking around for someone but he's such a pathological liar, and so secretive, that I know for sure if he did mess around he wouldnt get caught. Which leads me to this bit: even if he did cheat on me, I know he wouldnt fess up. He'd want me to mess up so he could put all the blame on me. Meantime he's playing the field with a heap of girls, this I have proof, but acting all holy and going to meetings.

    The stuff I have told the elders, well, they have told me that 'if you'd told us sooner then we could've done something'. Hello, I didnt know til just before I told them! Id found out my husband had been messing around with coworkers, stopping prior to sleeping with them. And I only found out couple months ago, and told the elders. But they came back with 'its too late'. I dont even know if they passed the info on to the elders overseas.

    Its all too hard :(

    Im not even 30 and living this limbo. He was my first boyfriend. And now we are to be divorced. Yet I wont be scripturally free. Sorry to lump it on you like this, just needed somewhere to rebound my thoughts, instead of my witness family who just tell me 'wait on Jehovah' or 'he will mess up, just wait' or 'you dont need a man'.

  • Honesty

    Who says you will not be scripturally free?

    The WTBTS twists Jesus' words at Matthew 5:32 so that they can act like their cult is clean in God's eyes.

    Remember what happened to a Jew who was caught committing adultery during Jesus' time?

    They were put to death by stoning.

    I suggest that you throw away all your Watchtowers and the NWT and start reading a decent Bible.

    God will definitely reveal Himself to you if you do that.

  • BabaYaga

    Hello and welcome, WantsToLeave. I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it right now. It gets better... I promise you.

    We're glad you're here.


  • Hopscotch

    Hi wantstoleave

    I just wanted to say to you that it's often a good idea to listen to that voice inside you - it really does know what to do. My husband and I had doubts for a long time but pushed them aside until a crisis occured in our life that made us sit up and listen. We wish now that we had listened to our doubts a lot sooner while we were a lot younger and before things reached crisis point.

    You are still young and you deserve to be able to live the rest of your life in freedom not in limbo. You also have your little ones to think about - one of our greatest regrets is not leaving JWs while our son was young.

    The WTS most powerful tools to keep you trapped in their organisation are fear and guilt. It is not easy leaving JWs when the rest of your family is still in but it can be done successfully. And if you read through the stories on here of those of us who have done this (and for some of us it has meant being shunned by our JW families) you will read time and again that the freedom to live our life our way and not under the mind control of the WTS is worth all the effort and in some cases pain that it takes to make the break.

    Wishing you all the best


  • wantstoleave

    Thankyou everyone :) (I didnt get email notification of your can I arrange that?)

    Yes, it feels like a BIG guilt trip. My dad says that when I feel guilty, its good because my conscience is working. I sometimes regret getting baptised...because if I wasnt baptised, I could leave and my family could still associate with me. But because I was SO afraid of being 'left on the shelf' and being unmarried (another topic in itself!), I rushed to get baptised and to please my parents. I think I DO regret that.

    Mybrother is baptised, but hasnt associated for about 5yrs. He lives with his fiance. We all still visit him but I can sense he's not 100% happy. My parents dont push him to come back, but I think my brother feels guilt being around us. He says he believes its the truth, but cant live in it.

    It can be a very lonely upbringing being in the truth if you arent accepted by the popular witness young ones. Then at school you're not allowed to associate with 'worldly' ones. Then you have noone. So in my case, when the first man comes along and takes an interest in you, you hold on tight. Only years down the track do you realise that he's not the right person for you and that you were just scared of being alone. Im sure many of you who have been in the truth will know the pressure to get married while young.

    Honesty, what do you mean that I wont be scripturally free? I mean, I hope in time I will But, in the near future, I dont know. I think just to spite me he'd not sleep with anyone. He is controlling and manipulative in a sly kind of way. Nevertheless, I am divorcing him. Scripturally or not. I havent told the elders that yet. Oops, my bad...LOL!

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Hello wantstoleave.

    I second Hopscotch's words. One of the things cults do is to stop you trusting yourself. They say you should "trust in God" but what they mean is "trust in what we tell you that God wants". That's not the same thing!

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse
    Mybrother is baptised, but hasnt associated for about 5yrs. He lives with his fiance. We all still visit him but I can sense he's not 100% happy. My parents dont push him to come back, but I think my brother feels guilt being around us. He says he believes its the truth, but cant live in it.

    Poor lad. That's the worst situation to be in. There are 3 types of JW's. There are the mentally in, physically in type; the mentally out, physically in type (me), and the mentally in, physically out variety (your brother). Steve Hassan talks about this situation in his book, Combatting Cult Mind Control.

  • wantstoleave

    Hi Mickey...yeh, Im the physically in, mentally out one too. Although, in about 6mths Ive only been to about 2 meetings and 1 day of the convention. I guess Im part mentally in though. Not made up my mind totally. But looking for answers :) So, you attend ALL meetings then? Go witnessing?

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    I attend some meetings. I haven't knocked on a door for a few months now but I turn in time (alleged study with children).

    I had my awakening nearly two years ago. Told my husband a year ago. Took 6 months+ to get him out mentally, now we're both working on extended family.

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    PS, it's Sunday morning here, and I'm not at the meeting.

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