2010 Special Assemby Day program: "The Time Left Is Reduced"

by truthseeker 74 Replies latest jw friends

  • steve2

    Is this for real? How far in advance does the organization not only announce special meetings but also supply the program? I'm mildyl suspicious about this post...

    However, if it's the genuine article, the time left cannot be too reduced - after all, there's all those months between now and the special assembly. And I thought everything was ending later this year! In that case, the time left has been extended. Thank you Jehovah.

  • truthseeker


    This is the real thing.

    2017 "Is It Closer Than You Think?"

    2018 "Expectation Postponed is Making the Heart Sick"

    2019 "Run The Race With Endurance"

    2020 "100 years of Trumpet Blasts"

    2021 "This Generation Will By No Means Pass Away"

  • BathroomServant1

    2022 "2014, the New 1914, confused yet?"

  • cameo-d

    I'd like to see the look on their faces when they discover the prediction has been about them and the WTS all along.

    What happens when WT has totally fallen apart and they suddenly discover it was their time that was reduced?

    ...because Satan knows that he only has a short time left.

    Satan is YOU, WT and corrupt hounder thugs.

  • darkl1ght3r

    Morning Session:

    9:40 Music (Featuring the lastest yawn-inducing hits!!!)

    9:50 Song and Prayer (Where we sing in monotone and then thank God for being better than everyone else.)

    10:00 "The Scene of This World Is Changing" (Better technology, longer lifespans, reletivaly peaceful compared to most periods of human history, it's great!)

    - How It Affects Us (We're running out of things to complain about... but give us a sec. We'll think of something.)

    10:15 "Now Our Salvation Is Nearer"(...than it was in 1914, 1925, 1942, 1975, & 2000. We mean it this time.)

    10:40 Go Forth With a Purpose(...to mislead and recruit ingnorant souls.)

    10:55 Song and Announcements(The word 'Song' is used loosely here. And "This just in: Brothers and Sisters, You're in a Cult.")

    11:05 Don't Use the World to the Full, But Fully Accomplish Your Ministry(Learning about science, history, philosophy, and providing a good income for your family is a waste of time. Instead you need to go forth and tell people you're better than they are and that they deserve to die.)

    11:35 Dedication and Baptism(Let's see 3 born-in children [ages 7, 10, & 15], a mentally handicapped person, and 2 poor souls who were too busy and/or lazy to do actual research into our claims. We'll be lucky if ONE of them is stll attending meetings in ten years.)

    12:05 Song(Or, a string of notes intended NOT to provoke an emotional response. Enjoy your crackers, cheese, and Red Bull. Have your sorry ass back in your God-given seat by 1:00 pm.)


    1:20 Music(Hearlding the start of another exciting assembly session!)

    1:30 Song(Again, the word 'Song' is used loosely here.)

    1:35 Experiences(We promise all of these are true to life and not embellished in any way. As far as you know.)

    1:45 Watchtower Summary(Summary: Blah, blah blah, Submit, blah, blah blah, Obey, blah, blah, blah, Does it not warm your heart?)

    2:15 Exercise Soundness of Mind During Youth(All the youth are asleep, despite their Red Bull. Everyone sleeps during the 2:00 talk. Duh.)

    2:30 "Anxious for the Things of the Lord"(Anxious for this thing to end.)

    2:45 Song and Announcements(Elevator music, and "6 were baptised! And for each one of them, another in this audience will eventually leave! Some of you are thinking apostate thoughts already! All we can do is hope for a net gain over time! Are we not thankful to Jehovah for our negligable and suspicious increases!" *applause* "Oh and we're running a deficit for this assembly, so we pray that your minds are closed and your wallets are open.")

    2:55 "The Time Left Is Reduced" – How Will You Use It?(Seriously it is. Pretend we havn't been saying this for 130 years. You should spend the remaining time pioneering you little heart out, neglecting your health, future, worldly family, and reality. Or [since only a tiny fraction of you will go with the first option] you can half-ass it and live your life in the cognitive dissonance of knowing that the end probably isn't "near" and try to maintain some form of a normal life despite adhereing to a backwards and illogical worldview.)

    3:55 Song and Prayer(Again, the word 'Song' is used loosely here. And by 'Prayer' we mean another public talk where the brother delivers it with his eyes closed, and reminds Jehovah of everything that was in the progam that day. Olive Garden here we come!!!)

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Yeah, the time left is reduced, the money donated is reduced, options are reduced, hope is reduced, but at least the "anointed partakers" are increasing.

    steve2, the 2010 programs began the first weekend after Sept. 1, 2009, so the CA and SADs have already started in the US. That's how the "service year" for 2010 is setup starting in Sept. also.

    If somebody doesn't beat me to it, I'll have the two-day circuit assembpuke program in a couple of weeks. I'll probably 'have' diarrhea (of the explosive variety) to get out of at least one of the days. Will probably make it to one of the days, like DL noted, we'll probably go to Olive Garden afterward.

  • darkl1ght3r

    Billy, how do you still sit through those ear-gouging sessions??? If I had to sit through a whole meeting now I'd probably stand up and start shouting expletives the moment I heard the speaker say "1914" ...that is, if I managed to not slit my wrists with my tie clip first.

  • WTWizard

    This sure sounds like yet another worn-out lecture to get people to waste their lives out in field circus instead of having any fun. Hey, what's the point in living if you are not giving billions to the Washtowel Babble and Crap Slaveholdery or helping them start the whole world into the Second Dark Ages?

    "Soundness of mind", according to the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger, means not having any fun. Someone you care about having a birthday (or you)? That is wicked. Holidays? Evil. Getting the Xbox fired up? You are murdering people. Having anything to do with real people? Bad associations. College, field trips in school, after school activities of any kind? Wasting time. Having a gathering? You are going to do fornication (seems I have been to a few of those gatherings before they made that rule, yet I never got to do fornication). Listening to real music? Dirty thoughts and stumbling others.

    (As if killing and eating babies, and kidnapping children and holding them as slaves wasn't evil.)

  • steve2

    Thanks for the answer Billy. I should have known: The whole world revolves around the good old USA, leading the way in the roll out of the Watchtower band wagon even before 2010 begins. Groan.

  • yadda yadda 2
    yadda yadda 2

    "The time left is reduced...but these one-day assemblies are still as monotonously long as usual....zzzz."

    "The time left is reduced...but the "generation" of the anointed is increasing."

    "The time left is reduced...but when you think about it there is absolutely no reason why Armageddon is still not decades away."

    "The time left is reduced...for you to get out of this doomsday cult and enjoy a normal life before you get old and die."

    "The time left is reduced...for the Watchtower organisation because all our bullshit is exposed on the internet, no one wants to study with us anymore, all the young people are leaving, there is negative growth in Europe, and the donations are rapidly drying up."

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