by greenie 46 Replies latest jw experiences
Butterflyleia,
You didn't get Df'd because you had sex out of marriage and broke a promise to God, you got Df'd because you broke a rule of the WT Organization.
What did Jesus do to the woman about to be stoned for adultry? a far worse sin than what you think you commited.
Did Jesus Disfellowship her?
My sister (same parents) never got baptized in the religion (thank god) and she did what I did and had sex befor marriage but never got shunned, never got mark, etc. Family talks to her and welcomes her as they would anyone except DF. I warned my sister never get baptized until she gets much much older!!! Until she knows in her heart that is what she truly wants!!
I dont think that "women" would get disfellowshipped... did she make a commitment like baptism to God?
God is more understand to those ignorant then those who knows better in their heart what they are doing is wrong!
But he also knows we are imperfect and we can gain his forgiveness!! :)
Your Child is a Gift FROM GOD!!
Butteryflyleia,
You missed my point, nevertheless remember this one little biblical point, NO ONE has the right to judge you, there is only one judge, Jesus and through him is our salvation and God, only Jesus is judge and only he can "disfellowship" anyone, so I ask you this, did he?
Yes they can work, I've never been a witness but my husband is (he's been inactive for 20 years give or take a couple of years), we have been married for 15 years and we are very happy. I can however tell you from seeing other couples in this same situation that if he does go back a lot of things will be different from the way they are now. Witnesses control every aspect of a persons life from places that you go to people that you talk to to your sex life. It's almost as if you marry one person one day and a couple of years later when they decide to go back all of the rules change. You just have to make things clear. You need to let him know that IF you marry him that you will still celebrate holidays and so will your child, that you will save your childs life by any means necessary ie. blood, and if you don't want your child to be raised a JW you need to make that very clear. In my experience the only problems we've had has been his family and them crossing boundries that have been set by us. If either of you have any doubts DO NOT GET MARRIED.
Keep in mind that no matter what a practicing JW promises ("I won't force WT beliefs on the child." "Taking him to church and celebrating birthdays and holidays is okay.") he will try to break those promises if he is a believer. He will sneak studying with a child in somehow. He will tell his son/daughter how they want to love Jehovah and Mommie doesn't understand "the truth." He will think that it is his duty to violate his promises he made before he knew better than to make them.
You cannot fully prepare yourself for the problems to come. But in your case, he's already the daddy and even not marrying him can lead to those same problems. Some people on this forum have gone through divorce and had to get religious and medical custody of the kids. Trying to keep kids isolated from the JW's doesn't quite work because they get curious about it. Experts say that reasonable compromise is to expose them and let them go to the hall and they will see both worlds and never choose WT. But it takes work to make sure.
Life with a jw can be very difficult. It is a dangerous and deadly cult no matter what a jw tells you. Jim Jones followers didn't believe they were in a cult either. I live with a jw and children are not nor will ever be a jw. Mine joined up after nearly 20 yrs of marriage. Have you discussed your childs death with him yet? He WILL want the child to die rather than give the child blood and will do all he can to make sure that happens. You will find ways to make sure that he is the last person called in the case of an emergency.
One only has to spend a short time on the ex jw forums to see the emotional, spiritual and often physical abuse by jw's all at the bidding of the wt. You may see ex jw's refer to themselves as 'social retards', 'socially backwards' and other references to social ineptness. This is a result of the constant guilt the wt put upon its members, that and the fact that they can never 'do enough' or be 'good enough' in the eyes of their very small unbiblical god and elders. Born in's never learn about everyday things that the rest of society takes for granted, they aren't allowed to.
As for having children remain non witness, you will need to educate your child from day one about this cult the emotional impact, phsychological, spiritual, and warn them about the pedophile problem within the jw culture. Learn about the twisted doctrines, unscholarly work, outright lies, misquotes of experts, scandals, suicide problem, extreme shunning, etc..etc..... Understand that your jw WILL lie to you, it is part of their make up and is called 'theocratic warfare' and you should know that according to their literature you are not worthy of the truth (see the AID BOOK and other literature that explains who is worthy of truth). Your jw and his family WILL do all they can to indocrinate your children even if they know you do not wish that for them and will lie to you about it. They will tell your children that mommy is filled with satan and is worthy of death and will be destroyed at the big A. You will be considered evil if you celebrate any holidays.
Being a spouse of a jw is not easy but do-able. As long as you understand that you and non jw kids will always be second in their life. The organization and cong come first. Then there are the meetings and field service, luckily for you they just dropped one of their meeting nights so that will possibly give you one extra night of non jw activities. It is difficult some days in the quiet hours when you are sitting quietly and the reality that your jw hopes for your, your children and 99% of the worlds populations death. Though you put that in a back corner of your brain and try not to think of it it still rears its ugly head now and then and it still hurts even years later and you know its all nonsense.
Jw-ism follows the two of you everywhere you go, it is giant pink elephant that you both try to ignore. If you think your intimate life is just that, intimate and private, think again. Nothing in your life will ever be completely private again. One request by the elders and your jw will spill his guts just to stay on the good side of the elders. And when I say spill his guts I mean play by play details, you will need to see old posts to see just how disgusting and detailed the judicial meetings can get with the elders, personally I think they are perverts to ask such questions.
I wish you well but I could never wish someone to get hooked up with a jw so if there is anyway out of this relationship with him I would suggest it. Get legal advice about the child asap! Learn about the psychological impact born ins have suffered and find an attorney who is familiar with jw's. Witness Inc may have some ideas for you or Google 'jw's and child custody'. Good luck with everything.
I am in a mixed marriage. I am male and my wife is female. We have struggled to see eye to eye on several things, but for the most part have reached the blissful condition known as compromise.
Sorry, I just had to.....
From my POV the mixed couples I have known face more outside pressures than internal ones.
Well my dad is SB (Southern Baptist) but since my mom remarried a JW I grew up very very JW. I kept my JW ways when I visited my dad due to thinking I was being lured by Satan to betray Jehovah by participating willingly (versus bystander) in my Dad's 'pagan' ways.
But this all said the Pew Report states JW born/raised retention rates to be only 37% (yep 63% leave the JWs).
Yes a marriage can be 'reasonably happy' in 'mixed' marriages so long as respect and balance is sought over debating who is right or wrong.
Focus on what is agreed and understand that each parent has the right to share POV with the child on items where disagreement occurs.
For instance as a JW I taught my children that Xmas has pagan origins, hubby on the other hand points out that you can't swing a dead cat without hitting 9 things out of 10 that can be linked to something pagan. My kids have been taught both trinity and arianism, immortal soul and asleep in death. My kids use the JW buzz words but prefer saying 'grace' instead of 'undeserved kindness', are comfortable saying 'Jehovah' rather then 'God the Father'
What is most important is that your child have firm foundational understanding of both parent's religion so that they may discern their own beliefs.
I am not saying there won't be bumps but it is very important for you adults to know how to disagree without getting emotional bent. When your daughter asks why doesn't daddy do Halloween yall can sit down together and have him explain his POV and then yours. From their yall can ask her opinion or have a pre-arranged compromise for her to accept (we attend a church sponsored fall festival where no horror costumes are allowed but has plenty of candy and games).
Church attendance can either be rotated each week, blended or observed all together.
If he does go back, there is nothing you can do (especially if you marry) to prevent him from involving her in WTS theocratic activities (just like nothing can prevent you from enrolling her in Sunday school).
Counselors can help you map out the middle ground in which yall will strive to dwell. Plan ahead to discuss the plan of action regarding blood, baptism, holiday participation, pledge of allegiance (my kids can choose holidays but the pledge is solidly not going to be said), college degree before inquiries of pioneering, pioneering versus peace corp, church and KH (kindom hall) participation (church choir and Theocratic Ministry School), community (or church sponsored) volunteering versus field service............ either trading things off or incorporating both POVs
You daughter will spiritually lean more toward her primary caregivers beliefs as she will be exposed to them more often.
(While I am very pro-marriage, in so many ways I would suggest postponing marriage until after he returns and begins to manifest his reactions to being back in the Troof)
It is possible, but for it to work, the witless has to be quite weak in the cancer. Otherwise, the non-witless is going to have needs that the witless will not be able to fulfill without violating their conscience (and the hounders). This is because there are so many strict rules--the witless will have to avoid all holidays and birthdays, bring up the children as witlesses, avoid certain kinds of sex, and spend lots of time out in field circus and at boasting sessions. It is also likely that most of the money will go into the Worldwide Pedophile Defense Fund, and the car will be wasted in field circus. For these reasons, I suggest that such marriages be avoided unless you are pretty sure that the witless partner is quite weak in the cancer.
And, the stronger the witless is in the cancer (besides the fact that they will be dissuaded from marrying outside the cancer), the more they are going to try and bring you in. You will also find more time wasted in field circus, music collections getting thrown out, and strict rules for the children. The stronger they are, the worse it is going to be.
Do mixed marriages work? What about kids?
It worked for us. I'm a man, and she's a women ... LOL
Actually, I'm of Puerto Rican descent, born in the Bronx. My wife is a German born Haitian raise in Zaire, Africa. We have two kids, they're puertohaitian
