Do mixed marriages work? What about kids?

by greenie 46 Replies latest jw experiences

  • RR

    Ah, this title is ALL wrong, it used read "Are You Unevenly Yoked? What About Kids?"

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep
    He has said that our child will just have to be exposed to both of our religions.

    Let's get something quite clear, right here, right now......

    .....his religion teaches that your religion is a false religion and that you have been led astray by Satan the Devil and that you will be destroyed at Armageddon, which is going to occur very soon, and that any attempt by you, to fool your children into disbelieving the Watchtower, is an attack from Satan via you and will lead to their destruction at Armageddon.

    ...... and if he denies that, he is a liar.

    Sorry I don't have better news.


  • greenie

    Black Sheep: I get that and I'm not trying to discount it and don't doubt it for a minute, but it sounds more relevant for someone considering having kids with a JW not one that already has a child with one, know what I mean? At this point, even if one day baby thinks Daddy is crazy for his beliefs, he'll still try to pass on that lesson, you know what I mean? So I can only try to mitigate those teachings now, or prevent them from taking hold. I have heard of situations where mixed relationship kids think that "that's just what Daddy believes" re: JW beliefs.

    One thing I've been pondereding all I do get a little bit of a double life feeling from him, not as severe as what some of you guys have described or experienced, but it does exist a little. His is more that he doesn't tell people he's a JW. Like, good friends don't know; apparently I spilled the beans (I'm not so discreet). So, he's never ever hidden me from his family (I think he told them about me the first week he met me), and they know I'm not a Dub. However, I'm not sure if they know - if he's told them - that I have no plans to ever become one. His mom is very sweet and talks to me about goings ons at the Hall, brings Awakes over sometime, etc. and I just listen politely, but I don't know if I should say anything outright to her (it doesn't ever seem that opportune - it would be a little forced) or throw in a church story on my part. Soooo, for the double life element, it seems he doesn't tell his non-Dub friends that he is one, and he doesn't tell his family (as far as I know) that I don't ever plan to be one. Maybe that's to preserve our bliss? What do you guys think?

  • yknot

    Many double-lifers don't mention they are dubs in their 'secular' lives.....

    I went to school with Elderkids who weren't JWs anywhere but at the KH or KH activites.

    (Of course I was total JW.... me posting here is where my not so 'double life began')

    This is even more reason why yall should have the conversations under the direction of a counselor! He has many layers to his beliefs and personality (which is typical - many JWs (myself included) compartmentalize everything).

    Usually the saying 'Actions speak louder the words' is appropriate. His actions are 'worldy', his choice of companions are 'worldly', his choice of mates is 'wordly' with the exception of his family and maybe an interperation or two all else appear to be WORLDLY!

    He is not ready or doesn't know how to balance the two......(but who am I to point fingers and toss rocks!) If he has family that 'needs' him to be 'in' then a compromise like my family might work, if not he might just need a little push and reassurance to feel comfortable in leaving the JWs.

    Has he spoken to your pastor/priest? Is there room for him at your church for him and some of the JW interpretations he might hold dear?

  • greenie

    Thanks Yknot. Sent you a PM.

  • sacolton

    Ha! His mom is counting her time spending it with you discussing spiritual matters and sharing Watchtower publications. She's sly!

  • garyneal

    Well from my personal experience, it has worked so far but I believe it is because she was an unbaptized witness who was tired of the constant rules being placed on her at the time and I was in and out of churches and not really committed to serving God fully.

    During the years we were together, she actually celebrated the holidays with me and in fact even lead the way in purchasing gifts, setting up birthday parties, and decorating the house. To me this was all old hat but she certainly took to it with much zeal. However, I did note some unusual fear she had of dying because she liked celebrating birthdays and the holidays so much. Finally, after my daughter's third birthday party, she finally decided that she had had enough and wanted to fully serve Jehovah and the Watchtower. This, of course, through me in limbo as I began to realize that I had seriously dropped the ball in terms of my dedication to God and I had to decide for myself if this religion is the "Truth" and what must I do to ensure that I had everlasting life.

    During the last 6 years that she and I were together, I "studied" the Bible with JW's many times and even read a lot of their material. Needless to say, I was thoroughly confused about my own beliefs when I realized that I did not have a solid foundation for them any more. How can I pass on my beliefs to my children when I was confused about them myself. After doing much research, Bible reading (without WT material), and praying I discovered the real Truth and came to realize that they have a tendency to "teach as doctrine the teachings of men." I also believe now that much of the extensive list of rules and beliefs that they have often come from scripture taken out of context, and tend to change from one moment to the next. This places a very heavy burden on the individual Jehovah's Witness even though Jesus taught that His "yoke was light." Therefore, I do not believe that they are "in the Truth" and feel that the teachings themselves can be very dangerous to both the witness and his or her family (witnesses or not).

    To your situation, all I can say is that if he goes back he will be under a heavy burden to teach your child his beliefs since he is going to be considered the spiritual head of your household. He will not fully understand the fact that God is ultimately in charge and that all things will work out to His own glory and will believe that Satan is in charge and he must work hard to combat him. If he truly begins to "make the truth his own" things will be rough for you. You really need to seriously consider this before you marry him.

    Since he will never have the comfort and assurance that true followers of Christ have (especially if he thinks he has the "earthly hope") he will always constantly work hard to show himself as "approved of" in Jehovah's eyes. He will not have a personal relationship with the Father and Jesus since they believe only the 144,000 have this privelege. According to the Bible, this will prevent them from truly having everlasting life and yet they are being taught that they will have it by "exersizing faith" in Christ Jesus (but not have a personal relationship with him). This will cause him to continue to work harder in the field service, attending the meetings, and trying to win you and your children over to the "truth."

    You may want to consider this before you marry him. Whether you marry him or not, pray for him that the Holy Spirit will show him the real truth and help him to turn away from this cult.

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