Do mixed marriages work? What about kids?

by greenie 46 Replies latest jw experiences

  • yknot

    LOL RR.....

    Our family is Czech-mix!!!

  • greenie

    Thanks for all the great info. We are going to go to counseling, so that makes me hopeful. At least we'll have a mediated place to talk about everything. Sometimes when he get into religious talk it feels more like I'm getting hit over the head with a bible than actually talked to. I'm learning that's one of the messages though, that JWs are right because they know their bibles and no one else does. I like how they can take it literally some places and not others. And in some places where they take it literally, it's not even the right meaning.

    Yknot, I really appreciate your feedback. I had read another post of yours about making relationships work (you talked about fall carnivals,etc.). If it's not too personal, I'm confused as to whether you're still active. If you are, then does that mean JWs can be laid back (don't everyone explode at that comment)? You can PM me if you want since I now know how to do that. =)

    While I'm at it, do any of you think there's anyway to convince him that celebrating birthdays are ok?

    Also, I've got to say that I've been reading a lot on here, and his family really, really does seemed laid back and nonjudgemental. I think maybe his parents have mellowed over the years as his dad was an elder but no longer. I mentioned one of his siblings doesn't practice at all, was baptized, married a non-JW and isn't shunned. Do you think his family could be a special case?

  • yknot

    Yes I am considered active......

    Every denomination has its share of hardliners, moderates and liberals..... Based on your commentary I would assume that his parents are closet doubters or moderate-liberals. Why not test the waters some if you have a good relationship with them by discussing yall's different beliefs with the end inquiry of what they see as middle ground regarding their granddaughters B-day and holidays because you feel family is important and would be heartbroken to not have them included...... perhaps suggest they mull it over and getting back with you next week.....their final answer will reveal their WTS loyalties.

    B-days parties can be difficult but my hubby pointed out that we could easily call it a 'family celebration' since it marks an anniversary of our family expanding, candles on a cake aiding our children to learn how old they are by counting the candles....... (lol you should have seen the 40 candles on hubby's cake this thought the cake was on fire!).... in the end you as a non-JW have the same rights to expose your daughter to your traditions as much as he to his non-traditions.

    Honestly because he was 'celebrating' when yall met I wouldn't make a big deal......just plan the parties like all other normal non-JWs do! Should he be squirmy suggest what you expect of him.....(to be in attendance, help decorating (clean-up too) maybe pick of the cake, wrap presents etc). For you B-day tell him ahead of time how you want to celebrate (dinner, movie etc). When his approaches remind him of yours and ask what he would like to do on his 'special day' avoiding using the term 'b-day'.

    For the record many disapprove of my compromising ways but technically it all falls under marital headship. If he gets flack from family or congregation he can point to the Oct 15, 1996 WT regarding 'Unbelieving Wives' once yall are married.

    Wishing yall the Best!

  • sacolton

    The elders would not promote your husband to any higher privledges because of his mixed-faith marriage. He might be okay with that at first, but the feeling may fester later on. The organization encourages members to marry "in the truth" (those already baptised JWs). Can you live with the fact that someone is being taught that YOU will die in Armageddon because you don't belong to God's organization?

    My recommendation ... walk away. It'll save you so much heartache in the future.

    Check out the divorce rate of JWs for a real eye-opener.

  • greenie

    "Oct 15, 1996 WT regarding 'Unbelieving Wives' "

    Does anyone know where I can find this?

    Yknot - thanks again for your openness and honesty! I'm just feeling a little bewildered because I know I love our life right now, but I have NO idea what it would look like when/if he returns. From what I read on this site, it seems like he would be a very different person. And I have to say, when he says his JW catch phrases, he sounds like a robot. It's very bizarre.

    SAColton - of course I wouldn't be ok with that, but at this point, I'm sure someone in my child's will say that no matter what because of who the father is - a JW. In many ways, I'm already in a position where I will have to mitigate those circumstances. I don't see how to avoid them.

  • RR

    I knew a white bethelite brother who had aspirationss of being a travelling overseer. He was moving up fast in bethel and had made friends with some of the GB, this was before the new younger guard they have now.

    Anyways, he married a black full time pioneer sister, and that was the end of his career. One of the GB members took him aside and told him "you can't do this, this is not good for your advancement." He married her anywasy and like a prophecy come true his career at bethel was over. They left bethel and served in a local congregation.


  • treadnh2o

    I am actively opposed (although raised in).

    My wife is very active (along with my kids).

    You will have a lot of time alone (I don't mind it though).

    Just be prepared.


  • yknot

    .....Well the easiest way to look at the Oct 15, 1996 WT content is to download the 2008 WT CD-- it has WTs from the 50's and Awakes from the 70's along with some past books, KMs, Yearbooks, etc.....

    Kudos to Rocky and anonymous JWN poster for the downloadable link!

    But here is the pertinent paragraphs.......

    *** w96 10/15 pp. 21-22 Father and Elder—Fulfilling Both Roles ***

    Married to an “Unbelieving Wife”

    8 Concerning Christian men married to unbelievers, Paul wrote: “If any brother has an unbelieving wife, and yet she is agreeable to dwelling with him, let him not leave her . . . For . . . the unbelieving wife is sanctified in relation to the brother; otherwise, your children would really be unclean, but now they are holy. For, . . . husband, how do you know but that you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:12-14, 16) The word “unbelieving” here does not refer to a wife who has no religious beliefs but to one who is not dedicated to Jehovah. She could have been a Jew, or a believer in pagan gods. Today, an elder might be married to a woman who practices a different religion, is an agnostic, or even an atheist.If she is willing to stay with him, he should not leave her simply because of differing beliefs. He should still ‘dwell with her according to knowledge, assigning her honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one,’ living in hopes of saving her.—1 Peter 3:7; Colossians 3:19.

    9 If an overseer has children, he will exercise proper husbandly and fatherly headship in raising them “in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Ephesians 6:4) In many lands the law gives both marriage mates the right to provide religious instruction for their children. In this case the wife may demand to exercise her right to expose the children to her religious beliefs and practices, which may include taking them to her church. Of course, the children should follow their Bible-trained conscience with regard to not participating in false religious ceremonies. As family head, the father will exercise his own right to study with his children and take them to meetings at the Kingdom Hall when possible. When they reach the age at which they may make their own decisions, they will decide for themselves which way they will go. (Joshua 24:15) If his fellow eldersand the members of the congregation can see that he is doing all that the law allows him to do to instruct his children properly in the way of the truth, he will not be disqualified as an overseer.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    wifey and I get along fine. We do get funny stares occasionally. But we do look odd so I can't blame them

  • yknot

    His changing due to association is a good point to discuss with the counselor........

    Many couples today keep counselors on hand to resolve issues that arise during the course of a marriage.......should he start to change in a negative, judgemental, narrowminded way.... you can have yalls counselor ready to aid you in adjusting his POV back to reality of tolerance and mutual respect.

    Why did your sweetheart leave the flock in the first place? Get him talking about what he agrees and disagrees with the WTS. You will learn a lot by his answers. Ask him what he hopes to happen when he returns and can he handle having an unbelieving wife? Does he expect his congregation to follow the 1996 WT or keep the tradition of witholding privileges from a man who isn't "presiding over his household in a fine manner" (read not everyone under his 'headship' is a JW). Don't be afraid to address the nitty gritty including how yall will balance attendance TOGETHER at each others respective houses of worship.

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