by iknowall558 37 Replies latest jw friends
I listened to the case that was posted.... I just couldn't get away from the idea that there was some sort of hidden agenda with your BiL
I suffered in a JW marriage for longer than I ever imagined in hindsight..... anyway, Lisa is quite right in what she says. You just have to 'brave' it out until the right decision/conclusion can be made.
So pleased you have so many true friends around to help you.
Update: Mother in law went on holiday. Father in law .............not a peep ! Auntie carrol ..........drove 10miles or so to put card through my door. It was nice of her but when my 11yr old opened the door she was backing out the path and out of the gate while asking him if he was ok. Sister in law............nothing. Ninjas wife (still JW and former friend).............texted and offered her sympathies. Has also along with Ninja offered me some work......she still has a good heart. Brother in law...........Nothing! He did manage to mention us in passing to someone, spoke about how Matt has left us and about how I had to remove my youngest son from his school because of the shunning, but feels because of that and because of "the way I am", that the only hope left now is when Gran sees the boys, as there might still be a chance for them to come into the truth.
PAUL NOT A SNOWBALLS CHANCE IN HELL ! ! ! ! !
Paul Barrie is a lovely soul, isn't he? I bet he had some talk or item at this weekend's Circuit Assembly. I told Hobo Ken that his brother testifying against him at his JC would significantly raise his stock and profile within the Organisation. He has, afterall, got to protect his own spiritual career and that will always come before family, even his 11 and 7 year old nephews. But at least he's concerned about their eternal salvation and surely only wants to see them on the narrow path leading to life via the Watch Tower Society, it's "faithful slave" and it's Governing Body.
Lovely people. True Christians.
UPDATE :
Well, my father in law phoned 4days ago, to ask how I was and how the boys were. He was on the phone for 15seconds max. But at least he phoned. Ninjas wife phoned me and gave me some work. She actually spoke to me personally instead of texting me and without relaying it all through Craig, which she could easily have done. She and Craig also bought a bag full of stuff for myself and the boys and left me some money. I was really bowled over when Craig came up with it. Although she's still an active dub, and will still shun me, she has a good heart and I told her that. I really appreciate what her and Craig have done. All my other friends (non JWs) are still looking after us, and I appreciate them all so much.
My MIL came back from holiday yesterday. Matt came up to see the boys, and was sitting on the couch when Nan unexpectedly knocked on the door. She had popped in with presents for the boys and one for me. Nice. She came in and took a look at us all and assumed cos Matt was sitting there watching TV that he was back. When she asked him, he said "NO, I've got a flat".
Anyway she sat down with him and started showing him photos from her cruise on her digital camera and telling him all about the places she'd seen. They had an upbeat conversation about the chocolate sculptures she had photographed, (like the eiffel tower), and the ice scuptures she's seen. They then sat and had a discussion about the camera, and about how good or bad it was.
I just sat there...............! This is surrreal. Here it is, Matt has walked out on his family, and she is sitting on the couch talking a lot of BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, about stuff that doesnt matter. She was happy to talk funny stuff and stories to him about her holiday. Eh? What's worse ? Is it just me ? Not being a JW any more has caused her to have nothing to do with him, to not speak to him or ask how he is. But when she finds out he's not come back and has got a flat and wont be living with me or the boys, she sits down with him and has a cosy conversation ! ! ! !
Obviously, the latter is not worthy of being shunned. Anyway, I did feel really upset about it, I dont know why! Maybe its because this scenario wouldnt have happened if we were still together as a family doing everything family's do. Somebody help me out here ! Matt went away and Nan came and spoke to me for a while. She was very supportive, but I dont know if she will go out of her way to see me after today. We'll see.
The Mighty Paul and Anita, still nothing. Not a peep. Not a phone call. Not a text. Not even to the boys. Anita actually shunned me 2weeks ago and did it rather expertly when she almost brushed shoulders with me coming out of the library. I didn't have the energy as I was really low that day, but ususally I will find something to say. Oh Yes, they are having their gossip sessions with each other and with Nan, wanting to know what's happening and wanting to be kept up to date with the details. I always make sure that when I'm saying anything about my situation that the boys are the ones who are the focus of my conern. They are the main topic and I try hard not to say anything about myself or how I'm feeling. Even with this being the only info. she can pass on to Super Elder, they still haven't as much as tried to speak to the boys. Even with Leodhas having his own mobile phone, where they could contact him directly and not even have to speak to me at all, they haven't even attempted to do so.
I will not say what I want to say about that.....Cause I'll end up getting booted off this forum.
I've changed my mind. I'll be mild.................. S C U M !
paul and anita are deep in cultland........anita ignores me at school everytime.....with that weird smile on her face as she walks by ...staring at something in the opposite direction
the fact that God's own people would shun two young relatives who have done no wrong to them is shocking....
when i suggested to trace that she talk to you on the phone....I was shocked she said she would...
again ......she is culted to the eyeballs......but her humanity shines through now and again
if only the lot of them could look on at theirselves for a day or two....christians?......ha ha ha ha ha ha
LOL ! Loving the pic. Trace maybe isn't so much in cult land as you think for the fact that she did speak to me.......cos you know she's not allowed. I do know though that Nan will take all the info from last night and feed it all to Paul and Anita today, and they will both sit there shaking their heads saying "Shame!", what a sad situation it is, but finishing it off with a ..."well we knew it was bound to happen", cos "I prohesied it!".
If I ever see them in the street...............! ! ! !
OK! OK! Ive thought about updating a few times and talked myself out of it, but tonight Im gonna update.#
Matt has been away for 3 months now. He has a flat 5 mins away. Father in Law doesn't speak to me. Brother in law and his wife shun me any chance they get. None of them ask how I am or how the boys are. Things have changed with me and Matt. Im angry......so angry at everything that has happened between us and the fact he walked out on us without saying he wasn't coming back. My Mother in Law still gets the boys on a Friday, and picks them up straight from school. Now what happens is, that she drops them off at Matts house, and he keeps them overnight and drops them back on the Saturday. So my Mother in law has no interaction with me whatsoever. Its weird ! She has my kids without even seeing me. For 4 weeks now, I havent even laid eyes on my Mother in Law, ....... the one who views me as a daughter. In between times, she hasnt even phoned to ask me how I am. She doesnt know how I am. Is she assuming Im ok? A few weeks ago, I really thought I was having a nervous break down. Everything got on top of me and was overwhelming me. I was emotional, depressed and angry.....not good! I worry that my boys are ok. I worry that Im being a good enough mum.
But here's the thing. When Mother in Law drops kids down to Matts, she goes in, sits down, and has a cup of tea and a chat.....!?!?! Im confused and hurt. She wont even TEXT me. So....in dub land....whats worse? Whats worthy of more shunning? .......leaving your religion..or leaving your wife and kids..? ! I feel like Im nothing...like I dont matter. The amazing thing is though, is that she can validate her contact with me...if she wants to..... by putting me in the 'emergency', bracket. She has actually been asking Matt how I am. And..... hes been giving her an answer, telling her Im Ok! WELL I'M NOT! He doesnt know how I am ...he doesnt even ask....he never sees me and doesnt live with me any more. My thoughts are, ...if she is concerned for my boys, then surely the first place to look to see if they are ok, is to check on their Mother. If Mother is fine, then there is a good chance boys are too. But if Mum, is not fine......then what ? I have never felt so much rejection in my life, but am trying so hard to get on with it. Christmas is coming and I have a tree up and Xmas cards everywhere.....and will relish it along with my children. Might as well give MIL a real reason to have nothing to do with me.
So....after nearly battering down a church door the other week to get the priest, or whatever, to tell me why my life is like this....I have decided to channel my emotions into being an active apostate....BIG TIME. I have been sent a whole load of leaflets to distribute to dubs and the public alike. I am also having loads printed up as we speak and will prob have them by the weekend......"Danger at you Door!" I feel this is the way to go...and if I can make a difference locally then I will be pleased. I cannot wait until I get to the point where all these things wont matter to me as much as they do now, but for the moment, the fire in my belly will be directed and focussed against the organization. I have nothing to lose now apart from my sanity!
Ah Lorraine, you are in a real hurting place at the moment and I so understand your anger and the fire in you. You hurt, and you want to hurt them back somehow, anyhow.
I don't wanna go all psychobabble on you but you do realise you are going through all the emotions of grief don't you? Sadness, now furious anger.
Well thats good. You go fight their asses off all you can girl, you need to do this for your sanity.
But I can assure you, the way your feeling will pass, it will, I promise with all my heart. Rejection is one of the cruellest bullying tactics that can be inflicted on a person IMO, worse than any physical injury. You've been rejected by the congregation, the inlaws and now Matt, and it can eat at your self-worth bigtime. The fire in your belly is you saying NO, you bastards, you aint doing this to me! Good for you!!
You mention some good non-jw friends, well surround yourself with these people as much as you can. You need their unconditional support and I'm sure they'll give it even if they may not understand all the details. If your invited anywhere, GO, even if you don't feel like it. If you need to cry, DO IT, don't hold back. If you need to talk but can't find a confidant, then we're here, or you could do what a councillor told me, keep a journal, not for every day but just for those occassions when you need to talk but there's no-one around. (I carried a blue notebook around with me in my bag all last year, its full up now and I've just bought a new one for 2010 - some of my language is very colourful in there!)
most of all, trust yourself. You're showing a strength of character and determination that I bet you never thought you had. Well, be proud of yourself for that. Nobody else in your congregation has shown the slightest hint of a backbone like you, and God sees your strength and takes note of every tear. He will remember too.
You ARE a good mum, the best! Look what you've given those boys of yours, the freedom to live their lives unencumbered by the restrictive guilt-ridden rules of a destructive cult. They will thank you with all their heart one day, and that day will come. I promise.
I've recently written a short article detailing my life over the last couple of years. I'll PM it to you, perhaps it might help.
love and hugs
BZ
Iknowall558 - I don't know how I missed your story 3 months go, I think we were on Holiday. My heart cries for you and your boys. I hope you find a way to deal with this situation, look after yourself and your sons and make the most of the support you get from others. Love CL
Thanks Cantleave and Boyzone. I feel better this week and far more positive. I have got my leaflets all ready to go ! Boyzone....thanks for PM, there are many similarities in your story to mine..... Ive PM'd you.
