by iknowall558 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • iknowall558

    This is not a thread to gain sympathy. My life has changed dramatically over the weekend. My Husband (hoboken) has just left me and my two boys.

    I'm not going to divulge all the details, but needless to say things are very tough emotionally for all of us. I have some really close friends who have stepped in immediately and rallied round me and the boys and given their unconditional support emotionally and physically. I've been swamped by their kindness and selflessness. There have been people helping me out who hardly even know me, and I've been overwhelmed by this.

    Yesterday, though, I made my Mother in Law one of my first port of calls to deliver the bad news. She is still an active JW along with her husband and other son and his wife. Most people will know about our exit through the recordings Hobo has put up on line.

    It was all very emotional, and I had my eldest son with me, who refuses to go back to school until his dad comes back. My MIL was upset and told us that she loved us and cant believe that this happening. She said she once had a conversation with Matt, and emphasised to him that the only thing that really matters in life above everything else is ..........Family!

    Well, I pulled myself together quickly and used this opportunity to pull her up on it. I asked why then, if this is the case and this is what she believes, does she have nothing to do with her own son (Matt). I told her that Matt has been extremely hurt and disappointed in her treatment of him. She knows all the reasons why we left and said at the time that she understood why we were leaving and could see our point. She also told us that she can make up her own mind about things and that she wouldn't ever cut Matt and I off or even shun us.

    However, I reminded her that as the weeks have gone by she has become more distant. She never phones or texts, asks how we are and has reduced any contact with me to a 30 second picking up and dropping off of my boys on a Friday afternoon. She will barely step inside our house and NEVER ask about Matthew and how he's doing.

    I also told her that the 'shunning' practice disgusts me, and not to say to me that she loves us, as it means nothing when her actions are clearly speaking much louder than her words. I told her I was angry and disappointed as the only reason she is doing it is because someone else has told her to.

    I said to her..."I am the same as you, I am a mother of two boys the same way you are. I love my boys so much, and I always saw you as being the same. I know what Matthew and Paul mean to you and yet, as a mother myself, i cannot for the life of me understand how you can conscientiously decide to have nothing to do with him. I could NEVER do this any of my boys and can't understand how you can."

    I also reminded her of a young sister who died suddenly just over a year ago. I said to her that none of us know what the next day will bring and that basically she should be making the most of her time with her son, especially if we are all going to die soon at Armageddon.

    She didn't say much, I think I took her unawares considering the reason why I came up in the first place. The only thing she could say was.."Well, they did it in the 1st Century." And I said..."But Jesus never shunned anyone."

    Anyway we got up to leave and she hugged my son and I and got upset again. Then said..."Im going on holiday on Friday so wont be here for a few weeks."

    OK! There's nothing wrong with that as she's probably had it booked for weeks, but since I left her house, my phone has been filled to bursting with text messages from everyone offering me some encouragement and words of kindness.

    Passwordprotected and his wife have just stepped in immediately, and are helping no end with things. I have been given financial support from people who don't even know me, but just want to help. PP and the members of the church they go to have told me they are going to pay for a new carpet for my hallway to help me get my house finished. I have been in floods of tears with the love thats been showered on me and my two boys.

    My MIL hasn't even text me once in 24hrs to see if I'm ok, If I need company, money or just someone to talk to. She told me yesterday that I was like a daughter to her. I wonder what Mothers would when their daughter is facing a very hard experience like this. She's no-where to be seen !!!

    All I want to say from all of this is that real Christian love is displayed through action and how we treat other people. No-one who has helped me so far has needed prompting. My MIL and other JW relatives would have possession of this information within 5mins of me leaving my MILs house and not one of these REAL CHRISTIANS with REAL LOVE have even sent as much as a one liner text.

    Family isn't all that matters to them. NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY AND NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES, THEIR RULES OF THE WT WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST. So Nan, You lied when you said what you did to Matthew.

    To all my real friends......Thank you so much. x x

  • jookbeard

    Good luck I remember HoboKen

  • boyzone

    Oh Lorraine I'm so so sorry! This must be a terrible time for you all and my heart goes out to you and your beautiful boys. You and Matt have been through so much together over the last year and I fully understand how heartbreaking and traumatic thats been (and continues to be)

    Now this! Oh honey, how your heart must ache! Cry those tears sweetheart and don't hold back. I'm so glad that you've got real friends around you. Lean on them as much as you can because that is what REAL friends and REAL christian love is all about.

    Every single one of the JW's at your local KH will see this as "punishment" because you've left the "truth". Don't you DARE let them lay that on you! DON'T YOU DARE....This is just one of life's pits which happens to us all, JW's included. You did great with the MIL, you told her a few hometruths she really needed to hear, its just a shame she's still holding back from you. Goes to show just how totally conditional her love is, even for her family. What a sad, pitiable woman.

    I don't know whats caused this split and its none of my business but if its anything to do with the pressure of being shunned, I'm with ya girl... Stay strong for your boys, all this change is gonna be very strange and unsettling for them. Do your best to keep life stable and normal for them (i'm sure your doing this already - you aint daft) and hopefully things will calm down for you.

    God bless and the biggest cyber hugs I can give ((((((IKNOWALL))))))))


  • leavingwt

    I'm very sorry that this is happening to you.

    You have discovered what I've discovered: Most JWs will place WT dogma above friends and family.

    It's disgusting.

  • iknowall558

    Thanks folks.

    It's true what you said Boyzone : Every single one of the JW's at your local KH will see this as "punishment" because you've left the "truth".

    My Brother in Law actually made a prophecy of doom to us when leaving our house after a shepherding visit. He said that within a year our'family will be heading for disaster'.

    I know exactly that he'll think he's been vindicated and it makes me mad to think that. I want nothing to do with any of them and have decided to give my Mother in Law till Thursday to get in touch with me. Failing that she's in for a complete no holds barred ear bashing in the form of a letter from a woman who's emotionally upset and depressed and who has a big stage for doing things out of character (perhaps) and getting away with it.

    My boys are my only concern now and I will concentrate on making them happy.

  • PSacramento


    My Heart goes out to you and I pray that through Jesus, God gives you and your children the strength you need in this difficult time.

    I don't know the situation but I am of the belief that you never abandon your family, ever, no matter what.

    I don't want to sling accusations and harsh words at you husband, suffice to say that you and your children deserve to be treated better and I hope that he comes to that realization.

    May our heavenly Father keep you and your family in his divine Grace always and may he strenthen you and your children through his Son Jesus.

    You are loved, your children are loved.

  • scotsman

    Sorry to read that this has happened to you Lorraine, I can only imagine the turmoil you'll be going through. You're right that focussing on the boys is your priority and in light of that I'd give writing a letter to your MiL a miss. This is your opportunity to walk even further away from an organisation and people that have hurt you, don't dignify them with your time, instead immerse yourself in the support you've found elsewhere. Giving them an earfull just feeds them.

  • WuzLovesDubs

    Wow...I could feel your pain honey. And I feel soooooooooooooo bad for your babies!! Kids catch the brunt of the behavior of the adults in their lives and its bad enough dad left..(and where the hell did he go that he is deserting those precious children??) The JWs in our lives add nothing but PAIN. There is no LOVE IN THAT ORGANIZATION! There is nothing but hatred for non JWs and cruelty and self righteousness....none of which is of or from GOD.

    I hope you move on soon from the pain and sadness and get angry and resolved and live a GOOD life. Thats the best revenge.

  • SixofNine

    My empathy for your pain, iknowall558. It's hard enough w/o having JW issues exacerbate every problem. They (the JW's) may win this round of "prophecying" about you and your family, due to the circumstances of your marriage. But from here on out, you make sure you get "the best revenge".

    Painful as it is, you can emerge from divorce a happy person; but a JW still has to go to the meeting next Sunday and hear the same old drivel they've heard their entire lives ;)

  • iknowall558

    I appreciate all the comments from everyone , I really do. I have done most of my crying for my children but I somehow feel strangely relieved and feel within myself a slight glimmer of optimism. Matt and I are still talking and both of us are united in wanted to make sure the boys are ok. It's certainly not an ideal situation, but I do have to say that Matt is a good Father to them and will continue to be so.

    My intention is to scrape off every last bit of the JW org from my life. Scotsman, your comments are very wise and I understand what your saying about the letter. I will give it more thought, but its not my style to walk away from things quietly especially if I've been hurt. Maybe this time, I will make an exception....we'll see. One bad day is all it will take.......: )

    Thanks again all for your kind words. x

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