Hi there 5thG. My brother took his own life over 10 years ago. It was a direct result of having a JW world view and being confused, feeling helpless and disillusioned. I feel horrible that you are in such pain.
I am glad that you made this known. There have already been some great suggestions by the posters above, and it seems that if you can find it in yourself to let a mental health pro know how you feel, and what you have been thinking, that would be the best thing, for sure. I read Rebel8's material, and it is pretty good. Perhaps that material can help your therapist if you get help.
Beyond that, I am really pulling for you. I am not qualified to give a whole lot of advice other then seeking some help. I can tell you that to focus on yourself a bit is what you need, and that if you can follow through, you will have some better days ahead.