Why do so many Xjw's not end up in some sort of trouble?

by AK - Jeff 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  AK - Jeff

  My observation has been the opposite of AGB's in this regard. I have known of precisely 0 who have turned to gangs/drugs/prostitution after abandonning the lies known as Jehovah's Witnesses. Most seem to lead lives of quiet hope outside the mainstream religious community once they leave - but far from dangerous lives [even from the Jw perspective].

  Just thought counter-point might be fairplay here.

  Do Xjw's live like Jw's? No. Are they judged unfairly as having fallen into the conduct of gangs/drugs/prosititution as a common idea among Jw's? Yes - but it does not seem true from what I have personally observed. They just become part of the crosscut of typical humanity.

  Jeff
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  verystupid77

  I agree, I think we only hear of the bad because that is what they want us to believe. I never have wanted to muder someone and get into drugs and have sex all the time with anyone who happens by. It is all just a buch of lies that they tell to keep us in the lie.
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  Luo bou to

  Well my wife said that I had gone bad. She said that "When you go bad you really go bad" Why? Because I had just returned from attending a Christmas church service.
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  BluesBrother

  It is a common myth, spread by a cult that wants to protect itself from deserters. When I was in I had dark suspicions that all or most "worldly" people engaged in dark activities - and that worldly women were only too willing to jump into bed with the milkman.....

  Instead , the people that I have come to know are surprisingly normal, with family values.

  If people suddenly find themselves outside, after an upbringing cloistered in the dubs, what are they expecting? I have known one woman who got herself into a prison stretch after bad company, but most of us adjust ok. You're real self comes out because you are no longer a servant of the rules of WTS.

  The worst thing most male leavers seem to do is to grow a beard ! ( I have not joined them)
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  jeeprube

  I hate to disprove your point here, but I went out and grew a goatee and got some tattoos. In my spare time I do all kinds of crazy stuff like drink to excess......coffee that is, work on my house, go to class, and read good books.

  Most people outside the Borg that I meet are surprisingly very similar to JW's.
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  PrimateDave

  Since I left nearly 3 years ago, I haven't had any trouble. I don't use illegal drugs or tobacco. I don't fornicate. I live quietly and help my neighbors.

  On the other hand, I recently found out about a former elder in the local congregation that I used to attend who left his wife for another woman. I was rather shocked to hear about it, because he seemed to be a pillar in the congregation, successful in business and with a good (from all appearances) family life. Yet he left his wife and two nearly grown children for some woman and was disfellowshiped. I actually first heard about this from a "worldly" woman whose fleshly sister is a Witness and then confirmed it when I spoke with one of those few local Witnesses who will speak to me to "offer words of encouragement."

  However, this doesn't show that Ex-JWs end up in trouble. Witnesses themselves get into trouble, most often when their double lives are discovered.

  Dave
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  AllTimeJeff

  There is a fair bit of psychology involved in this....

  Remember, the "truth" is supposed to make you clean, and wash away impure desires and thoughts. (as defined by the current position of the GB) If you love Jehovah enough, you can be a homosexual, a pedophile, or a straight person, doesn't matter. Jehovah through his holy spirit will take care of your wrong desires.

  Jehovah can make sure that your desire to watch South Park, Star Wars, ET, or the Passion of the Christ is nullified through prayer and a steady reading diet of WT publications.

  And we all know that is bullshit. The GB demonizes many normal activities and desires, creating all kinds of turmoil for most of their flock.

  When one leaves the borg, no one has to pretend anymore that sex doesn't interest them. (pedophiles excluded on this, they need castration!) Healthy people can explore their sexuality properly with of age adults. Ex JW's have the chance to do this.

  You can watch the entertainment of your choice without having to pretend. Then you can go to bed and go to work the next day. No guilt involved. R rated movies are not from Satan, they are just not for kids.

  JW's do not have this option. They have to pretend that they are GB "clean". To be sexually attracted to someone opens up a Pandora's box full of guilt and shame. Those that try to repress it do so at the expense of their mental and emotional health. Those that explore their sexuality do so in a repressed fashion that messes with their minds. They can't laugh at South Park, or other comedy, even if it is rip roaring funny.

  In short, they cannot be themselves. Thats what happens when you are a borgbot.

  Ex JW's are 100% more mentally healthy then a JW, simply because they can think for themselves. I am not saying that upon exiting, there are not challenges and tears. But over time, if one chooses to deal with their past constructively, an ex JW is WAY better off.

  Those that do go hog wild after getting DF'd (which does happen) are in a small minority of those who leave. The GB seizes upon these stories as sensational propaganda. Lets face it, we were trained (i.e. indoctrinated) to believe that people who left the borg became vampires and unhappy drug addicted, alcoholic nymphs with a high likelihood of getting serious STD's.

  Define trouble? Trying out different things, experimenting, finding out who you are after you leave JW's? Or getting arrested? Are we talking trouble as defined by the GB? Because if we are, they can go ______ themselves.
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  rebel8

  I too srsly doubt the incidence of "trouble" among ex-jws is significantly higher than people leaving other abusive controlling relationships.

  People who've been in psychologically abusive, controlling relationships are bound to have issues such as stress, depression, anger, anxiety, and difficulties adjusting to normal life and autonomy.

  If you're an ex-cultist, add to that the issue of having many false beliefs and having to deprogram onself without expertise in doing so, and you've got more stress. Believing the Armageddon lightning zap is chasing you doesn't help either. Then add a loss of all friends and family at the same moment, in some cases accompanied by loss of job and/or home.

  It makes sense that victims in situations such as these would have difficulty coping and some may temporarily resort to some self-destructive coping techniques.
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  jgnat

  I am reading The Resilient Self: How Survivors of Troubled Families Rise Above Adversity by Steven J. Wolin and Sybil Wolin.

  Many of the concepts in the book apply to exiting JW's, especially if you were raised in it. The authors suggest that survivors develop strengths along with the scars. By reframing their experience, they can triumph from the pain and recognize the great strengths they developed from their experience.

  For instance, I believe that most ex-JW's have a strong sense of self and justice, can spot hypocrisy on a dime, and have a healthy dose of skepticism. It takes a great deal of insight and courage to buck family and community to risk rejection and loneliness. You are a courageous bunch.

  As an aside, statistics on JW's show that they have the same rate of divorce and other family indicators of stress as the regular population. Where they lag behind their peers is in education and income.
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  LuckyNun

  I went way downhill...I went to college, got married, and bought a house. My brother became a doctor, and my sister is getting her master's in nursing. Massive fail across the board.

  But you should hear what the Belvidere congregation hypothesizes really happened to us, specifically us three kids: murder, babies as a result of rape, prison time, devil worship, and white slavery. I kid you not.