It does seem that alot of DF'ed ones get into a little trouble or become a little more radical, but i wouldn't say all or majority. I know of some who do just fine or really well and some who do really bad. I think it depends alot on the age. The older you are when you leave the less likely you are to get in trouble. But because some young ones leave they do things they never would have done if they had a different upbringing. The ones i know always grow out beards, tatoos and peircings and also drinking and partying. Maybe because they couldn't do it before but as far as adults go i think they just get on with their lives when they are disfellowshipped.
Why Do So Many DF'd End In Some Sort Of Trouble?
by african GB Member 48 Replies latest jw friends
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african GB Member
Mr Flipper-I do get your point, the Org treats those who leave badly to make their lives miserable. This ussually makes them think of coming back as they find it very difficult to get on with their lives. When they come back the elders often give a 'needs' talk about 'the prodigal son', this though does'nt mean that the shunning stops, it carries on until the DF either moves to another cong or dies. The point is: don't ever get yourself into a position of being DF'd, because jehovah will abandon you and hand you over to satan, so don't question the elders, don't have sex before marriage, always submitt to the FDS, period!
GB
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WTWizard
This is like the illustration of the spring. Hold it in too long, and it will pop out uncontrollably. This is what happens when the Washtowel Slaveholdery keeps them from making their own decisions about dating, music, entertainment, and career decisions. They have everything mapped out for them right from the beginning.
When they leave, they are going to try out freedom. All too many of them end up doing drugs and doing other things that get them in trouble later. This is simply because they have never had the opportunity to learn to make their own decisions--so they never have the opportunity to make better ones. Also, they never see the outcome of bad decisions for themselves because they are not usually allowed outside sources. It is of note that born-ins are more likely to get into major trouble than those who were recruited as adults.
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mraimondi
maybe he is just going from experience. In my experience, i know about 18 disfellowshipped people, and i think im the only one that made it out ok.... we're talking crack addiction, prostitution, gang violence, republicans
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steve2
When people begin to stand on their own 2 feet, it can be a scary experience because they've been so used to others making decisions for them. It's a little bit like leaving "home": Good parents equip you to face the world, negligent parents don't - or worse, train you to do their will.
Give me the pain and reward of standing on my own 2 feet rather than the numbness and negativity of turning my life over to other humans! .
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AlexHall
This is the problem with generalizing people. We are all indivduals with different lives to live. Since we have no evidence for the fact that ex-jw are more "wild and cracy" we can only go to our own experience, which makes us rather bias.
We can only accept that people make misstakes and screw up. At least we now are in control of our own lives, and are free do choose for ourself
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aniron
As has already been said the title of this thread read like a Watchtower article. Making the premise that any one who is DF'd or DA'd is going to get into trouble.
Over these past 8 years since I left and DA'd , I have met many and corresponded with many, who have been DA or DF'd.
Yes you will get the "very few" who do get into trouble, this is usually caused by a reaction of coming out of such a repressive group. But over time they begin to settle into a normal lifestyle.
But the overall majority I have spoken to have never been in "trouble" when they left, in fact its when they were JWs that they were "in trouble".
That is, it was while being a JW, that they committed fornication, took drugs, alcoholics, stole, and other "sins". The few may carry on when they were DF'd. But most stopped when the pressure of being a JW ended.
Some stories I have been told about what JWs got up to while in the congregation have been totally surprising.
Those who DA'd have been usually over what they have learnt about the WT and can no longer believe in JW teachings and leave. These usually have a normal lifestyle and don't suddenly go off the rails on leaving. In fact apart from not being a JW their lives are not much different, except they are free.
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Mrs. Fiorini
Something to consider when discussing this topic is whether the percentage of ex-JWs who "get in trouble" is more or less than current JWs, some of whom get caught and only reproved, others of whom do not get found out. And how well would either of these figures compare with people who have never been JWs?
Another thing to think about is what definition is being used to describe "getting in trouble"? For JWs voting, celebrating holidays, attending another church, etc. are all sins. If they see an ex-JW who has grown a beard, acquired a tatoo, and is smoking a cigarette on their way into a bar, will they conclude the person is getting in trouble? What if the ex-JW is gay? Will they conclude that he/she must be living a morally debauched lifestyle? Those things are all legal, just not in WT land.
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Jim_TX
"I am saying this based on a couple of DF'd/DA'd that I know."
Let's see... that's 2 - plus yourself equals 3 that you know of. Sure. THAT's a lot!
NOT!
Perhaps you need to get out a bit more.
How about all of the folks that were DF'ed and go on to be very successful? I could make a statement like, "Why is it that so many DF'ed end up being so successful?" - based upon 2 or 3 DFed people that I know.
Regards,
Jim TX
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parakeet
Most Ex-JW's DF/DA that I know end up living a dangerous life.
How many exactly do you know? and why do you assume on the basis of what must be a few people in your acquaintance that most ex-dubs behave the same way?
After I left the dubs, I went to college, got a job, raised a son (who doesn't live a dangerous life), and have been happily married for 35+ years.
My God, get the handcuffs. I'm a menace to society.