As a JW Did you Feel you Could Fully Trust the Elders ?

by flipper 43 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  flipper

  I know for many of the 44 years I was in the JW cult from birth - I felt I could. Or should I say I was conditioned to feel that " I should " trust the elders. As Jehovah's Witnesses we were all told the elders were " crags in a waterless country " who would be a " spiritual stronghold " for us. As JW's we were all told the elders ONLY gave counsel to us from the BIBLE - not their own personal opinions. As the years went by - boy, did I get a surprise . I saw other witnesses as well as myself given horrible counsel based solely on personal opinions - which had nothing to do with how Jehovah viewed matters , or even what the elders were directed to give as counsel from the WT publications even ! And many people have suffered because of being given BAD ADVICE in the witness organization. In time I did not feel I could trust the elders anymore - and saw that they were just normal humans like you and me - not the alleged " princes " they were made out to be by the WT society appointed by " holy spirit " . No way in hell were these guys appointed by " holy spirit. "

  One of the things I found a huge problem was the fact there was no check system in place to make sure elders only gave scriptural counsel in judicial committee meetings to see that what counsel they were giving publishers was legitimate , not their own personal opinions. In my opinion there should have been something in writing which the circuit overseer would be required mandatorily to check and read about every judicial committee meeting each congregation's elders had when he'd visit every 6 months . At least there would have been a " check system " in place to keep the elders honest ! But usually the circuit overseer was only interested in the hours put in field service by the publishers or the publishers meeting attendance numbers . Most things were statistical and how the numbers would be reported to the WT society and how it made everyone involved look on the outside, elders , C.O.'s, D.O.'s etc. . Everyone just " assumed " the elders did their jobs correctly. At least there would have been a " check system " in place to keep the elders honest ! I found that far too much trust was given out by the WT society to these men thinking they were somehow " specially empowered " by God, allegedly , to carry out their duties - without a check system in place.

  So did you feel you could fully trust the elders to shoot straight and give you good advice ? Or , did you find out in time that they were just humans like you and me who many times just shot counsel " off the hip " at times - not worrying if that counsel damaged you or not as a human being ? As always- I look forward to your takes and experiences. Peace out to all, Mr. Flipper
• 

  garybuss

  They were pricks. I never heard of anybody trustin' a prick.
  
  
• 

  Thechickennest

  I trust people in general. So being the good JW yes, I trusted the Elders....Then two Elders (from a judicial committe) called me on the phone one day to discuss the private business ethics of the PO. As it turns out the PO was an unsavory business man and of questionable moral charactor according to this committee. The PO stepped down as PO and an elder. He dodged a huge bullet. I don't know how, but I think on legal grounds they couldn't touch him. He really should have got the boot. No, from that point forward my eyes were open. I could then realize the elders were just humans with sins just like the rest of us.
• 

  megaflower

  When we were fresh in "The Truth" and naive there was trust but it only took getting burned once to realize they were not to be trusted. There was a problem in our local K. H. that we brought to the attention of the elders. They turned it around on us and made my husband and myself out to be the bad guys. How many talks were given about going to the elders for1. refreshment 2. guidence 3. correct wrongdoing etc etc. Its just a good loe boys club, we found out quickly.
• 

  chellechelle

  ofcourse not. i learned from an early age that if you wanted to stay within the congregation you could not under any circumstances rust the elders with your actions and feelings. i have seen many people disfellowshipped or seriously hurt in my hall by their counsel since i was very young. and personally i do not trust anyone withwhom i do not have a close personal relationship i.e good friendship with. trust comes after understanding one another on a deeper level..,
• 

  jamiebowers

  I knew that I could trust them to let me down and do nothing about the misery in which I lived, first as an abused child and then as a battered wife. I knew that I could trust them to blame me for the abuse that I suffered.
• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  In the back of my mind I wanted to trust the elders..."Jehovah" said so...., but my paranoid self didn't allow it. I grew up not trusting anyone in school..I had a hard time forming friendships because I couldn't trust people (there is a dark story behind that). There were elders I thought I could trust...and I wanted to be like them...and then....

  ....I became an elder....and sadly, I became just like them...... by definition an elder is self-righteous and judgemental ...its in the job description..... I said I cared but in retrospect, it was only after leaving the Borg that I became a truly caring person..so I have been told. I am still working out who the hell I am now. Right now it is "what you see is what you get" and that is an angry individual....pissed at being...not so much duped..I knew something was off back pre 1995..... definitely knew it post-1995.

  One so-called "worldly" friend of mine that I had worked with in the past had lunch with me a few months after I attended my last meeting...and she paid a compliment and a kick in the gut at the same time. She said, "{Snakes}, you are a really nice, funny guy.....I knew you cared about my husband and I when you...{}, but this is the first time I seen what I felt is your real personality...don't ever go back to the cult."

  I realized then that my personality had been molded beyond recognition by the cult. Looking back, I wouldn't have trusted me as an elder either. Ironically, a lot of the elderly publishers did trust me. Occasionally, I hear from one of them calling to see if I was coming back. Saddens me I cannot fully tell them the truth and just avoid the calls.

  My last attempts at trusting elders were dashed in the last few months. I have written about those incidents here. They are not my friends. I thought they were, but they are not. They would throw me under the bus in negative point zero zero five seconds if they knew I posted on a "so-called" apostate web site or told them how I really felt about the religion I grew up with. I still trusted them as friends if not elders. Based on their last actions, I no longer trust them as friends either.

  Snakes ()
• 

  shopaholic

  No.
• 

  mamochan13

  I did for most of my life. That's how I was raised. Until I was DFd. When one elder shook the bible at me and said, "we don't have to read you any scriptures. You know what the bible says" and then proceeded to judge me on the basis of his personal opinion, that was a turning point.

  Oddly, even though I appealed my DFing, I was still too afraid to say anything against the elders. When the appeal committee asked me if the elders had done anything wrong that I wanted to share with them, I said no. Perhaps had I told them the committee never once opened the bible at my judicial hearing, things might have gone differently in my appeal. But then again, I doubt it. My word against the big three would never have held.

  But I still trusted them to do the right thing. Even at that point I trusted that they were God's servants and that they would see in my heart that I was repentant. How wrong I was.

  I don't beat myself up about it anymore. I've accepted that a lifetime of indoctrination leads one to make irrational choices. I just remain thankful that I've seen the light.
• 

  Goshawk

  In the congregation I grew up in. Mostly

  In the congregations that I attended while in college. No way.