by upfront I mean upfront with her. we really dont give 2 shits about what you do or dont do.
therapist says affairs can help some/my marriage....really...
by oompa 51 Replies latest jw friends
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restrangled
Oompa,
Get in or get out of the marriage, in other words, shxt or get off the pot.......you have been waffling for ages, and this is just another attempt at getting permission to cheat, leave,....whatever. It's up to you.
I have never heard of a therapist saying it might help a marriage to cheat, except some morons out of the 70's.
Do yourself and your wife a favor, .....make up your mind and stick to it.
r.
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chellechelle
im sorry if i attacked i did not mean to do so. that kinda thing jsut bugs me.. i feel for your wife, as i feel for you everyone has the right to be happy in their relationships. i jsut think that the proper way to deal with a problem is directly. i think you would make yourself feel worse if you cheated then if you jsut asked for a divorce or s seperation.. and trust me i know cheating hurts more.
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Mrs. Fiorini
Oompa,
You have a PM.
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daniel-p
Well, Oompa, in response to your "retort" here:
I still find it interesting how many people love to instantly make strong/harsh/cruel opinions without carefully reading a post, or taking the time to ask a probing question about someones post.
I went back and read your first post, which in part reads:
oh...and basically it seems that if certain needs (not just sex!) need to be met...and your mate will never know...than it can help your marriage continue with no bad side effects????.....very new to me...........oompa
like esp the sex part...for some reason...and i have confirmed this here on jwd throuth pms...if a jw wife is disappointed with you not "reaching out"...it frikkin affects the bedroom scene???....now how is that?...but it is real..........
After "carefully reading" your first post, I'm still of the same opinion that led me to say what I did above. When I read your posts, it's like reading the thoughts of a 19-year-old. As IP said, There is also the "why would anyone say this on a public forum" factor. There is also tone and past experience with the topic and poster in particular.
This jives what I had said: Both your contemplated method of ending the marriage and the fact that you make it a topic of discussion, thus further humiliating your wife and kids amongst strangers.
Every so often you come and post something in order to gain some type of sympathy about your situation from strangers. It's an emotional dependency, and it cripples your ability to make the decisions you need to make in real life. You know what I think? I think that the more people we talk to about our marraiges, our problems, our fucked up lives, the more confused and hopeless we become, because everyone has different advice. Also, no one KNOWS your family like YOU do. So we can all spout off on your prompt for advice about a situation we really know nothing about and actual people whose lives will be affected by the choices you make.
As you see here, there's never a shortage of people who will render an opinion about what another person whould do with their life. But when it comes down to it, no one really knows what the fuck they are talking about, because only YOU know yourself and your situation. If you focus all the energy talking with people on this board to actually making decisions in your life, you'd be way ahead by now. As another poster said, shit, or get off the pot.
And if those words are too harsh for you to hande, it's probably because you know that's all it comes down to .
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shamus100
Yeah,
Affair threads.....
I have to agree with you. I've seen so many people talking about ending they're marriage here in the past, and it always leaves me with a nasty taste in my mouth. Perhaps the affected spouses could find your or others posts here, and bring them up in a court of law. I think it would be pretty emberassing.
You probably don't mean to come across like you do, Oompa, so take it with a grain of salt and learn from it. We don't want to really hear about you throwing ideas around your head on having an affair. That goes under things best left unsaid.
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caliber
rebel8,
I agree with every single word you said... even more so with the words you didn't say !!!....
Cal
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Homerovah the Almighty
I guess what it comes down to Oompa is how much you value your existing marriage, breaking up this marriage has to weigh its
self on that evaluation. I don't agree with that therapist suggestion that you have an affair with someone else while your marriage is in tact,
that only would demean your own integrity and hurt your wife immensely, and I understand that she is a good woman just overly indoctrinated
into her religious cult. Throw that therapist out the window, it sounds like he or she is trying to occur further damage into your
life just so that you might come back for further appointments and cash in.
Most people wont pull out of the JWS because they are frighten to, on so many levels and you should understand and accept that with your wife.
Its a known fact that many marriages struggle badly with spouses on either side of the fence in regards to the JWS, but it is quite possible
to maintain a healthy marriage if the partners accept one another in their beliefs systems, its just frustrating that your better half is not
on your side of the fence. On the other hand if she is not adhering to her marriage vows and is intensionally holding off intimacy in the
bedroom as a way of punishment and disrespect that again presents its own difficult problems and of course thats not so easy to override.
With that in thought there is the day to day relationship and where that is, is it a wholesome and happy one or is it mostly miserable and
contrived, loveless and disrespectful ?
I hope you take the time to take in all things considered and wish you the best..... HTA
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