Edultery.....

yknot

Okay hubby and I have hit a hard bump........a tear in the fabric of our relationship and marriage if you will......

But on the upside ... I thought "Bastard" first ..... and "Worldly" second...... so I am see less indoctrination in my thought process.

Needless to say I am feeling a full range of emotions and to make matters worse Wordly and JW friends found out the same day I did. An person sent me an email telling me something was afoot and to go to a certain website link but apprarently also sent the email to everyone else in their contact file by accident. So I have to deal with this publically and privately in a very very small town...... (a recently DFd teen thanked me in an email for bumping them off the gossip radar!)

So here is the low down....... Hubby posted on websites suggesting solicitation of FWB, and NSA sex.... but didn't respond much other then idle chit chat and no suggestions of follow-up meetings..... (Thank goodness for spyware put on computer for kids safety!)

Chatted with some women inappropriately and others not (all whom of course have been politely informed of his deception) and I bear no ill will toward any of these very lonely and desperate women..... though I did suggest some join a gym and some sort of hobby club after emailing back and forth about what led them to that point.

Hubby of course says no-big deal, it was 'harmless' and no real 'action' was ever taken.......

His reason: He was stupid, feeling lonely because I was out of town, and needing a ego boost......blah blah blah.....

WTF???..... The house is spotless, I am moderate in my spending, I am extremely supportive of all his endeavors, I am a great hostess, devoted mother and wife (definitely not a prude) and have hot meals ready and waiting..... what happened to the simple guy routine of feed em', ***K em and keep the kids, dog and house clean?.......

He might have not done the deed in reality but it would be hard to suggest he was innocent in his heart and mind..........

I am trying to force myself to be 'reasonable, sane and rational' since we have small children but if the shoe was on the other foot I would be served by 9am on Monday.

I have no idea how this will end.....but I need to get some outside perspective that isn't so close to home.

So what say you.....of e-dultery?......

The Sincerest of Thanks for letting me vent and your thoughts on the matter...... Yknot

caliber

Yknot,

Sorry to hear this news.. but I think you can and will work it out.... Take it as some early warning saver !

Sorry but I think it's between the two of you to work out.. I just hope for the best !

Caliber

Mrs. Fiorini

Yknot,

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I think you are wise to ask for an outside perspective. Personally, I am a big believer in psychological counseling, either as a couple or alone. In my experience, we can be in situations where we feel overwhelmed and confused, struggling to see clearly what to do. But those situations often turn out to be fairly common and well understood by experts who have been trained to understand why they happen and what can be done. A family therapist/marriage counselor can give knowledgeable and unbiased information to help you sort it all out and decide what's best for your particular circumstances. My best wishes for you and your family.

Mrs. F

PS - My best advice for getting through a scandal is to hold your head high and keep your mouth shut.

oompa

Dang it Ynot.....i thought you were posting for some action here on jwd!....

ok...on the serious side....yes BIG WARNING SIGN!....talk it out, work it out together, or with professional counselor.....or you can ask your local elders for help.....................oompa

beksbks

Hugs and kisses Ynot, I haven't got much more than that for you. For me it would be about trust. I would never have it again, and I couldn't live like that. I would be walking, but my children are grown.

Robdar

WTF???..... The house is spotless, I am moderate in my spending, I am extremely supportive of all his endeavors, I am a great hostess, devoted mother and wife (definitely not a prude) and have hot meals ready and waiting..... what happened to the simple guy routine of feed em', ***K em and keep the kids, dog and house clean?.......

You sound like an excellent wife and mother. But that fact has nothing to do with your husband's edultery, so quit asking yourself what you are doing wrong. You are doing nothing wrong.

Your husband needed an ego stroke? What a self centered bastard. Obviously it isn't about you, it's about him.

Friend, you have problems in your marriage and the computer was only a medium your husband used to tell you.

Gregor

I agree with Robdar. You don't have to defend yourself. He is the one who needs to apologize. I don't know what "FWB' or "NSA" sex means but if it involves minors then you should think twice before letting it slide.

Satanus

Maybe, you're not a challenge to him, anymore. Maybe, try witholding for a while, sometimes, not just sex, but other stuff, too. Make him start working for stuff from you, sometimes. Be a bit unreliable, sometimes. Just a thought.

S

Robdar

Maybe, you're not a challenge to him, anymore. Maybe, try witholding for a while, sometimes, not just sex, but other stuff, too. Make him start working for stuff from you, sometimes. Be a bit unreliable, sometimes. Just a thought.

Normally I might agree with you, Satanus. But the husband has already said that he needs ego stroking. If Yknot withholds sex and attention, he will just use it to justify himself and his actions.

My ex-husband told me that he often justified himself. Even to the point of picking a fight with me. Of course, he told me this only after there was no marriage to save.

Amha·aret

Sounds to me that what happened is a symptom rather than the problem.

If you feel like you can, talk to your husband about that and see what is actually going on with him, the underlying stuff that's caused him to do this. I agree with the others who have said that its nothing to do with you, regardless of what he might say.

If he won't go to a counselor (sp?) then perhaps one of the Dr phil books would help - Self Matters or Relationship Rescue might be good ones to consider.

(((Hugs)))

Edultery.....

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