A Mother's Story of loss of her son..............

by Balsam 63 Replies latest watchtower medical

  • QuestioningEverything

    I thank you for sharing your story. Words cannot express how terrible I feel for you and your sons. I cried when I read it and then I cried again when I went home and shared it with my husband. I have 3 sons, just as you. Your story is the one that opened my eyes to how cruel this policy really is. I have read many stories about this sort of decision by a parent or loved one-always in WT literature-sugarcoated to make it sound admirable. It never occurred to me how it would really feel to make such a choice until I read your story.

    I am sick to my stomach to think that even up to six months ago, I would have made the same choice as your ex- husband. I have ripped up my blood card from my wallet-I forgot it was in there. I hope others read your story and open their eyes as well. Please know you did what you thought was right at the time, as we all have made such decisions based on our belief's. Please know my thoughts are with you and take care.

  • Balsam

    All of your posts to me really warm my heart, I thank you all. Thank you so much!

    I know some of you wondered why I have not told my story entirely like I did here earlier, since I've been out for 7 years now. I can only say it was so painful that writing it down was simply to painful to deal with earlier. When I finally stared it took me several hours every night for a week to get this down which required going over and over it repeatedly. Then my dear son Dirk had to help me really pour my heart and soul out so I could convey it as it was. I cried so much it nearly made me sick, and my dear husband worried about me. I just wanted to give the true perspective of what happens once someone allows a loved one to die like we did letting Dak die without blood that might have saved his life.

    The WTS has put this spin on refusing blood as glorious, satisfying happiness by obeying God, as they see it even unto death. The nagging question that lingered was, "wonder if they are are wrong and we were being fooled by them". Perhaps not intentionally by the Governing Body but out of self righteous ignorance and unwillingness to re-examine whether the teaching on blood is even truly a bible teaching. I think of my ex-husband and know he has to feel some sort of self satisfaction and he totally believes what he did refusing blood to save Dak to be perfectly right. He could not live with the feelings I've had to cope with in learning that the WTS is wrong. It's a bitter pill to swallow and not one anyone would chose unless it was true that the blood policy is simply wrong. My ex-husband is not a person who is evil, just ignorant and choses to remain ignorant, because to challenge his closely held beliefs would cause his world to blow up in his face. And that is simply too big a hurtle to jump for him. I admit in the beginning I hated him, and blamed him for Dak's death, but I came to see we both were at fault because we didn't throughly investigate the WTS but trusted it far to fast and without serious effort to examine it.

    I tell my story of loss to awaken the followers who are uncertain, but feel something isn't quite right. I know for a certainty that God didn't abandon me as my congregation Elders said would happen. If anything my life has become more blessed, and God's presence is stronger. I have learned through the comfort God has given me through those special angels in human form who have helped me to forgive my ignorance, and to help me to heal enough to feel I can help others. I thank all of my dear friends like Shelli and Steve who have gone through the grieving process with me when I lost Dak, loss of my faith in the religion I believed true, and all my friends and family whom I loved but left them to find their own way. I know now that God, as I've come to see the Divine energy of the Universe, is so much more complex than I ever understood as a JW. The bible is only one concept of the mystery of the Divine powers of the Universe.

    Please feel free to use my story, share it with others, translate it spread it to anyone willing to listen. Use my name share Dak's Memorial Website:


    Ruth aka Balsam

  • Eliveleth

    Dearest Ruth,

    If you have not already done so, I would suggest that you put

    your story on a blog somewhere like UTube where it could be

    found by those looking for information about JWs and blood

    transfusion. You never know who will look at it. This message

    is so touching, it even might touch some who are still JWs.

    Love and hugs,


  • free2think

    Ruth thank you for sharing your story, and i am so very sorry for your loss.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Wow Ruth. I never knew you were carrying such a huge burden. Thank you so much for sharing your experience in such an unflinching, heart-rending manner.

    My oldest daughter permanently "lost" her suicide card recently.

    As a result of your story, I will now carefully bring this topic to the attention of my younger one(s) as well. (I will also make sure their cards get "lost" too.) And, perhaps, my wife, when/if the timing is just right. Do it too fast and the cult mentality shuts everything down.

    My understanding of the law is that an older minor must personally refuse blood in order for medical personnel to view them as a "mature minor". So, as long as they don't have a card and aren't refusing it themselves, their active-JW Mom can protest all she wants. Caesar can and will give blood to unbaptized, non-objecting minors despite the objections of a JW parent.

    Please go a little easier on yourself Ruth. We were all just as blind at one point. Be glad you've seen the light.

    Thanks again for sharing your painful experience.


  • chickpea

    like others here, it utterly sickens me to KNOW
    i too was quite likely to have upheld that stance

    i am deeply saddened for your loss

    godspeed you to a place
    where comfort is manifest

  • 4mylove

    Thank you so much. I hope one day......

  • BonaFide

    First of all, I am so sorry to read of your suffering and Dak's death. I would like to write a little about what I think he might have felt, as I was also raised in the truth.

    You son never knew JW were wrong. When he said no blood, he meant it and he felt he was doing the right thing.

    The JWs are bloodguilty, but you are not, in my opinion. It's like over a century ago or more, when they did bloodletting, or did surgery without washing hands. They thought it was fine.

    You thought it was right, and good. You always wanted the best for your sons. You may feel now as if you were unfair, but you obviously loved your son. You would never want to hurt him, in fact, you wanted the best for him. When my mom phones me each week and says that I need medication because I no longer say we are living in the last days, and when she locks me out of her house, and when she says, "Can I help you?" when I visit, that is because she thinks that is the best way. She cries a lot for me, because she believes we are in the last days.

    I never doubted until a few years ago, when I saw so much injustice.

    But you have to realize that your son thought he was doing what was right. So I think you need to stop beating yourself. You are a good person to accept your responsibility as a parent, but how far does that go?

    I am sure your son would forgive you. I do my best to forgive my mom for treating me bad, I wished her a great vacation on Monday when she said she was leaving and not inviting me, I usually drive them to the mountains every year, not anymore.

    Of course, my situation is nothing compared to yours.

    The JWs do think they are doing the best for their family. I used to think exactly that. They think this life is not all there is, and they have a ton of scriptures they use.

    You did what you thought was the best for him. He died thinking he did what was right.

    You are a great person, I bet you are a great mom.

    Hang in there.


  • BonaFide

    I agree, put your story on You-Tube, or send it to a media agency, maybe they will do a story on him.

    Dak's death could result in many realizing how crazy the blood doctrine is, and many lives could be saved.


  • Balsam

    A few people have suggested video taping my story and putting it on YouTube. I know nothing about YouTube other than to go there and watch various videos occasionally. There is a video interview I gave to young man who is not a witness. He wanted to use it to show his wife who is an active JW. Perhaps it's possible to contact him and ask him to put it on You/Tube but I don't know that interview will have the impact of the way I conveyed it in my writing of the event. Its hard to convey the emotion of the experience being video taped years later.


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