What should I do at elders meeting with me?

by BonaFide 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • BonaFide
    BonaFide

    I am serving in an appointed position. If you read my previous posts you will see.

    An old girlfriend is accusing me of "grinding" which is Porneia according to the Society, and a disfellowshipping offense. We did sort of be alone and mess around, like wrestling I guess. No grinding. But she and I met alone several times. Actually she wanted to really cross the line, and I refused.

    The elders have scheduled meetings with me. What should I admit to? I already told the other elders there was no "porneia" but they are scheduling meetings with her there to face me.

    Should I deny everything? They already asked, "Were you alone? When? Where? Where did you sit? Did you lay on her? Were you in the car alone? I know this bunch, they love to have hours of meetings where they ask a million questions.

    If I say I am not saying anything at all to any questions, that makes me look guilty.

    My family is freaking out, since the word got out from this girl, who is jealous I am dating a new girl now. She never had any issues with me and never told the elders anything until we had not seen each other for months, and parted as friends, and then she heard about my girlfriend. Now she is angry.

    Any input would be appreciated, I am not liking this situation. I have to stay in the organization for now if I can, to help family and friends.

    Bonafide

  • troubled mind
  • crazyblondeb
    crazyblondeb

    Unless they have 2 witnesses, what can they do?

    DENY DENY DENY!

    I'd mention the fact that this wasn't brought up till she found out about your new girlfriend.

    If they can't do anything (as of yet) to my stepdad for molesting me, cause of that rule, what can they do to you?

  • oompa
    oompa
    She never had any issues with me and never told the elders anything until we had not seen each other for months, and parted as friends, and then she heard about my girlfriend. Now she is angry

    That is all I would say if you feel you have to meet....anybody can understand that!....Just say...in addition...that anything between you a a lady is very personal to you...very private...CORBIN in fact...between you and God! And that you have too much respect for troubled sisters to say anymore................oompa

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Yes, to Blondedeb you should listen, hmm.

  • Layla33
    Layla33

    You poor thing, I am reminded of the song by R. Kelly - Ain't Nothing wrong with a little bump and grind

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg5NRkNoV-E

    Anyway, get a lawyer or refuse to answer any questions and deny deny everything.

    Or you can ask them to clarify everything 100 times until they just give up. Tell them you don't understand the question and you need clarification. That will annoy the hell out of them.

    Don't stress.

  • MissingLink
    MissingLink

    Don't go. Just tell them there's no point in meeting, you've already told them what they need to know. Just say no.

  • mustang
    mustang
    DENY DENY DENY!
    I'd mention the fact that this wasn't brought up till she found out about your new girlfriend.

    1) It didn't happen.

    2) Why the delay??

    3) It didn't happen.

    4) Jealousy.

    5) Quote a scripture about bearing False Witness.

    6) Quote a different scripture about bearing False Witness.

    7) Repeat 6.

    Mustang

  • llbh
    llbh

    Hi BF

    First how never lie- no good imo. Second are you bothered about being ms? I think it is highly likely that they will ask you to step down.

    Thirdly it is your word against the accusing, the other parties, so what can they do? You do not have to answer thier questions, and play the game on thier terms.

    Regards david

    t

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    IMHO

    IF... you have to stay in and IF..... you really feel you are NOT guilty then don't answer anything other than what you already have . Face HER at the inquest, and tell her you realize she is hurt that you are dating someone else , but sabotaging your character is slanderous and NOT going to get you both back together. Then face the brothers and tell them you know the defination of pornia and it did not occur . Period . Do not let them drag you and her through the dirt of embarrassing questions they have NO right asking .

    Having said that let me add this : I know of two cases in my former hall where young men over eighteen had sex with girls under 18 , and when the girls conscience got to them... they confessed. Yet each young man lied and got away with it ......Which I find sickening . I really HOPE your character is of better merit .

    ONE question, Are you dating another Witness girl ? If yes ...WHY , What the heck are you thinking if you are questioning the JW's ? Don't break her heart . Maybe YOU need to step back and decide what YOU really want and are about .

    Just my opinion

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