Ok, so I have been thinking about my time as a JW (I'm fading out - read my other posts for background info). You know how you always hear how the ministry will bring so much joy and contentment, yadda yadda yadda? I ALWAYS hated service...ALWAYS!! I even thought that the reason I hated it so much was because I had a bad attitude. I would pray and pray and pray that I could have a better attitude. Don't get me wrong, I have always had a desire to help people, but I felt deep down in my gut an absolute loathing for service. I hate talking to people who obviously knew more about the Bible then I did, only to try to convince them that they were wrong and I was right. I hated being in the damn heat (I live in South Mississippi) and being with a group of hard-core older sisters who don't believe in taking breaks. I hated making return visits on people who didn't give a crap about the magazines, they were just trying to get me off their backs. Now I know why I hated it so much...it was all completely bogus. JWs don't have the truth, and trying to convince people that you do is nothing but torture. People don't want you talking crap to them, and it most of the time it gets ugly....anyway, enough ranting. :) Feel free to drop me a line!!
Where was the joy they kept taling about
by heybaby 42 Replies latest jw experiences
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White Dove
I kept looking for it and chasing it but never found it, so I quit.
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White Dove
Heybaby,
That was my experience and why I found no joy, besides the back room of the hall the elders pull people into to correct their thinking and the sisters in car groups who always tried to tell me what to wear. My clothes were hand made and I had no money.
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Velvetann
I felt the same way Heybaby!! I hated field service, and return visits. I went from door to door since I was 3 until I was 18. Then again from 28 years old until 35 years old. I never had my heart in that religion and I always felt guilty about that. I didn't understand why everyone else supposedly was so gung ho to Preach the Good News of the Kingdom. It just never seemed real to me this Paradise or Armageddon so how could I make others believe it. I felt I had no right to tell them that I had the truth and they didn't. I was embarrassed to go from door to door. I was forced to go in Service while growing up, my parents were full time pioneers and they dragged me along when I was not in school. I spent all my summer vacations doing Service and Bible studies UGH
Velvet
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WTWizard
Funny thing, when I first started, I thought it was joyful that I had the privilege of living forever and most people would die. However, looking back at it, all I see is stagnation. I see my life becoming much narrower during the few months after I started going out in field circus, and it never got any better while I was in.
Now that I no longer have the washtowel slaveholdery's guidance, I have found the freedom to think. And that includes researching online just for kicks--including helping worldly people out in ways that actually work. Instead of field circus, I just do little things that make things a bit more pleasant for others, at random--and under my terms, not the Washtowel's.
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Quirky1
The joy was stopping for a break at the local Mickey D's and stuffing their faces.
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jakmarx
Totally agree.
Everyone does play along, every so often the act falls and people get all down.
But never fall into the trap of murmuring!
SO glad ive not gone on ministry recently.
Last time i went out.. my presentation was "hi, my names *&@£ would you like a bible study?" hand them a track. Pretty much guarenteed leave the door within seconds. If they unsure i just give them a tract and tell them to think about it.
LoL the joy was overwhelming, especially when my partner spent most of his time on his mobile selling stuff on ebay..
The joy of the ministry:
A good long gossip...
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An excuse to talk one on one to some attractive sister that it normally would be difficult to..
Other than that I struggle... -
Not Feeling It
Yeah it didn't work for me either. I tried auxilliary pioneering and hanging out with the regulars -- didn't help. I even thought I wanted to go to Bethel. Thank god they turned me down (probably because I had been DFed a few years before).
I came to the conclusion that my heart was never in any of it. I really wanted to live a normal life -- get married, have a regular job, be productive, have a home, etc... Constantly waiting for something that will never happen is not healthy. I am confident now that if there is a god, it wants me to be happy and if I'm wrong, hopefully that deity is compassionate enough to look past my flaws. If not... Yeah, I'm screwed. Can I get a window seat to Hell?
I do still agree with the Witness mindset that an eternity of penance is too much for even a lifetime of misdeeds.
-- Not Feeling It
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leavingwt
I auxiliary pioneered in South Mississippi during the month of July, way back in 1993. It almost killed me. I decided Bethel was the career for me! Pioneering was for the birds!
I got to Bethel, only to discover that many of my peers were peeved that I didn't pioneer before being accepted to Bethel.
I would always tell them: "I couldn't hack pioneering, so I came to Bethel!"
Some would reply: "I didn't know you could do that?"
Timing is everything when it comes to being accepted to Bethel. Granted, your local elders have to give you a sterling report, but if Bethel really needs free labor badly, they will accept non-pioneers. I went straight into the Bindery and lost 15 pounds during the first two months, sweating for the Lord.
About that joy...I think many Witnesses experience a measure of joy, from time to time. For me, I had feelings of joy when I believed I was "doing enough" in the Lord's service. Of course, it's almost impossible to always feel you're doing enough, when you're in a cult, so it cannot be sustained by most.
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yknot
For the most part It is just a repetitive reinforcing comment.....
The only people I know who talk about 'joy' & believe they themselves are joyful in their ministry are converts who before this activity had no real purpose for themselves. They feed of the cycle set in motion by Rutherford......rejection/ persecution only reinforce their specialness in the world as a JW.
The rest of us......I think there is some happiness if you believe fully that you are doing the world a favor but mostly it is about association within the FS group (and the cycle above)..........then of course it gets old and you learn all the tricks of making time out of nothing. Once the connection between FS and KH status is made.......well lets just say some of the best actors and performances come from the KHs around the world.
BTW I was invited to FS this morning......and totally caved in! But all was not lost, we stopped at the KH to be seen by the old guard pioneers as proof of my friend going out in FS..and actually getting me to go too!.....Fast forward 20 minutes ready to leave the coffee shop and she is like screw this lets go back to your place........yes I was purely a patsy!......but we saved a territory to the north from being plastered with tracts and they won't be visited again for another 3-6 months!......we calculated the time that would have been spent, noted the time properly.
She left shortly there after to go to her new secret part-time job......shh you didn't hear that one from me!