by heybaby 42 Replies latest jw experiences
I hate talking to people who obviously knew more about the Bible then I did, only to try to convince them that they were wrong and I was right.
That was my feeling exactly...
What right did I have to tell someone (eventually ) that their personal beliefs were wrong. I hated it, completely and totally hated it.
I would walk away from the doors feeling so guilty and low, thinking those people were going to be judged on my pathetic, ramblings and it was all my fault....
Never felt the "Joy"...
Cas
I only saw the fake joy that went along with all the fake plants.
I can still spot that failed smile on people's faces today when they try to pass it off on me.
I understand where the joy fraud comes from. You have to have it, because if you don't express it, then you are spiritually weak. There really isn't any time for sadness with the end so near!
It's really unfortunate that, when people can't be authentic and really lean on each other, and they bottle pain up inside all their lives, they can come to some sad ends. I know of several stories of people who grew old, having devoted their entire lives to the organization, and ended up passing from this life alone and very despondent.
JW's always point to the fact that they are supportive of other JW's in need, but from what I saw, once the covered dishes were returned to their owners, everyone pretty much lead solitary lives again. At least emotionally.
I gave up being joyful, I just was not. Once while out in service on a Saturday I saw a "householder" washing her car. I told her I wished i was home doing the same. I just stopped faking how I felt & it all just came bubbling forth from my mouth.
I feel your pain and think the same
I remember what Joy looked like,It was my Regular Pioneer Mom who was miserable trying to do field service,work and raise a family.
I can honestly say I remember my Mom as miserable in that stage of her life. She;s now a loving lighthearted Apostate and I wouldn't change
her for the World!
I understand where the joy fraud comes from. You have to have it, because if you don't express it, then you are spiritually weak. There really isn't any time for sadness with the end so near!
So true, Buster....
I can still remember that pasted on smile... they weren't fooling anyone, not really...except maybe themselves.
Tool Man...
Welcome to JWD...
Look forward to your posts.
Cas
The joy is with the people at the door who already have the truth and know the JW's are a cult.
Going door to door from 3 until 12 or so, joy for me was when my mom let me get a happy meal from McDonalds. But we were so pisspoor that most of the time I only got a hamburger and a water. Boo hoo.
As a teenager, joy was experienced when I drew little comment bubbles in the front of my song book and made King David sing the verses to a Beck song or Snoop Dogg on the harp.
Ima
"Would you like to pioneersssssss?" *drool*
KM April 2002
Ask some adults who pioneered during their younger years what their impressions are and invariably they will say the same thing: "Those were the best years of my life!" A brother who experienced the joys of full-time service from his young manhood on said in later life: "It is a source of deep satisfaction to look back on the time of youth and be able to say that one has heeded the wise counsel: ‘Remember, now, your grand Creator in the days of your young manhood.’" (Eccl. 12:1) It takes good planning now, by both you and your parents, to work out a way for you to experience this kind of joy in your young manhood or young womanhood.
No I never got that joy either..I tried pioneering a couple times. Both times my associates gave and I was left alone and soon gave up too. I hated disturbing people. I knew how I would feel if they knocked my door and I think that people were nice to us really, considering what we did. Down South (UK) we had a lot of territory that was converted old big houses, you had to bring them down from 2 or 3 floors up, maybe to answer the door , but still they came....sometimes..
It all seemed such a waste of time, even if you did believe in the work. We would meet at the Hall, discuss the text pair up, travel the territory, sort our where to call, spend maybe an hour doing it then travel home - a whole morning gone and just an hour to show for it
The truth really was that my heart was not in it. I dreaded certain subjects . I thought it was "fear of man" and chided myself . Really, I know now that it was because I knew the arguments did not stand up and I was on thin ice.
The difference now is amazing. If ever religion comes up at work I speak with a natural frankness about it all, because I speak from the heart.
The only thing is that it did get me outside in the fresh air, rather than now spending Saturdays in the coffee shop and then huddled over a computer screen, but this is much more fun
