by NickJ999 32 Replies latest jw friends
Welcome to the club
I've noticed that you mentioned that in some occasions you should have been stronger,and that you admit that you have your faults........
In my humble opinion those statements make you a lot more of a man than some "elders/spiritual people" that i've met in the 3 or 4 congregations that i've been through.
The problem is not you.
Were do you go from here?
Don't worry too much ,lots of help on this site to find your own path.
peace
That religion is dirty and lowdown! Ain't nothing wrong with you!
Welcome to JWD
First, WELCOME! You have found the right place to "get it off your chest".
You will never heal until you do. I remember when we were first disfellowshipped, I threw-up over everyone I came in contact with. It is just a normal thing to get rid of all the hurt and poison that has accumulated over the years.
You said: I am sorry I can't write any more. This is very painful to have these feeling well up inside and flood me all over again. There is so much more that happend over the last 21 years. Believe me, I admit I have my faults and there were times I needed to be stronger but I could not cope with all the things that were happening to me and my family all at the same time. But is is also true that I got no meaningful help and little or no understanding from the elders or even two Circuit overseers. I guess I just had to get some of this off my chest
I think you have a lot more to "get rid of" and you need to share it. We are here to listen and to help in any way we can.
Just because you feel that you cannot stay a JW does not mean that you can't pick and choose what you believe is true.
IMO there is NO "one true religion". Each denomination may have things that you can accept while not believing all. That is how God made us, to have our own opinion and not be stuck with someone else's.
Just relax and enjoy your life. Stop and smell the roses. Go out and do the things you weren't permitted to do as a JW. Let your life, be your life.
I pray you will find peace and healing.
Love and hugs,
Velta
Welcome to the Real World! Rest. The answers are coming.
And someone please, add some paragraphs. This is a nice post but difficult to read ;)
You ask where do you go from here. I cant tell you. I was raised a witness and have spent my life looking for the truth. That took me out of the tower. But I haven't found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Live your life and try to be happy.
Welcome! I hope you find solace here. I know I have (even though I am new)
Welcome to JWD Nick,
Just remember to take it slow as the process of trying to figure out what is and what is not takes time. When I jumped the Watchtower ship 16 years ago, it was after a long period of research and meditation. Just remember to keep an open mind as you read the accounts of others and feel free to ask questions.
Donny
Wondering if I should resurrect this old thread?
Well, sorry for the original posting some 6 years back and the lack of paragraphs. This time I will try to do better.
It is now 6 years later, I have retired and am an older feeling 66. My loving wife is stil working full time and we are both enjoying the one or two things that bring a smile to us. . . our 2 year old grand daughter and her parents. Both my father and mother (not in the turth) have passed away as well as my wife's father. Time moves on. So, a lot has happened in 6 years, but still many feelings of bitterness, loss, and uncertainty.
What spurs this latest response? I am not sure myself other than I have occasionally read material off the internet and returned here to read a few things. I do not care for bashing and hating, so much of that just turns me away. It is too much like the anti type of what the organization does to the "wordly" and "false religion". So. . . I tend to go back into seclusion regarding anything about releigion. Be that as it may, for awhile, the local PO would stop by and visit at our door. It puzzled me, because the conversation was always vague, but pleasant, yet he asked no questions nor offered any hint of concern. I felt tht it seemed like it was something he just was supposed to do. Also, and just recently, an older sister (82), that we were freindly with, took it upon herself to stop by and offer us magazines, try to encourage us, and even brought back the new bibles one time. She just recently stopped again last week to tell/invite us to the special streamed video talk at the KH. We did not go so do not persoanlly know what it was all about. It seemed possibly an newer version of the annual meeting, etc.
I have pretty much busied myself in the past 6 years helping the youngest daughter and her husband with their (new) old house that needed much repair and renovation. It still needs more, but in this ecnonomy and the jobs they were able to get, money does not go far. This world and the conditions sadden us when we see how they have to struggle. Still, they are mostly happy being married and new parents to the little girl they have. Besides these family things, I also have returned to a hobby of restoring older vintage audio equipment (mostly mid to late 70's) because I can and I enjoy it. Also sell a bit on Ebay after the repaired items are useful and look great. But lately I even seem to lack the energy to continue with that except on a hit and miss basis.
I see how so MANY people are struggling in this poor economy since late 2008. So many, like our oldest daughter, must hold two jobs just to have a place to live, and take care of basic needs let alone an occasional movie or outing. Many people these days seem to just accept that they need to work so many hours or two jobs. Not to get rich but just to survive. We know many young with small families and older couples that have to get by on $22K to $37K a year. Rents are $550 to $750 or more a month plus utilities and auto expenses and insurance, food, etc. The money does not go very far. So this weighs on me and my wife. I could go on as to what I see are the reasons for all this, but corruption and greed in high places is largely at fault in my opinion. Unfortunatley, the WT society is quick to focus in on these issues and always point to how the "time is near" and all of that. Maybe so, and wife and I still cling to what we see are some basic Bible truths the society has claimed as their own, but there are also the glaring shortcomings, misinformation, lack of real kindness as an organization, and other things I've related in my original posting here. So still. . .. what to do?
On a side note in reference to the above notes on the economy. . . My wife' sister and family who are still active in KH activities, have an interesting life choice. My wifes, niece who did go to college and got a good paying job as a state civil engineer and even obtained part time hours, quit after having their first child! Said the WT society counsel and KH memebers encouraged pioneering and taking care of her baby. Mind you, here husband and the father, also only held a part time low paying job. In the span of 4 years, they had two more chidren. Even the mother was aghast at the lack of responsibility and tried to advise her daughter should keep her job that had benefits and insurance. Now, they live in a house, and have no problem living on the husbands small income and state welfare of several types. That the WT soceity encourages this lack or responsibility even among those with children is astonishing. The elders and WT society would rather have field service hours racked up then for a family to be self suffcient and responsible. Sorry. . . just another point that is so disheatening to us.
Awhile back, I found a few websites that had similar viewpoints regarding Holidays, government, etc. one is eliyah dot com I think. There was another that had semi annual gatherings but was pretty much web based. They had online bible studies and did not seem "out there". I just mention this because I am still searching I guess, but also have gotten tired and suspicious of anyone claiming to have a bead on "the truth". It has made me weary and I can not seem to focus very long when I have the urger to seek out.
Well, I have chores and domestic tasks at hand. Not sure when I will return again. Not sure still where myself and family are headed. All I know is our two daughters are also very disillusiuoned with the KH and most memebers and have not been a part of it for years. The youngest daughter (with our grand child) never did get baptized. She was (out) as they say, by the time she was a Junior in Gigh School. She saw too much in the way of hypocrisy of JW school mates, cover up by parents, and the tendency of elders to ignore or gloss over familes and their children if those same were active and put on the good show. The elders did not want to discourage productive publishers. We had been very active years ago, but when we declined in field service and the girls gave up going to meetings, we were all marked it seemed as unfaitful so why would the elders listen to us? In their defense , it was only human of them to cater to pressures from the WT society and CO to keep active memebers (however hypicritical and phony) and disregard those like us. I find it interesting how much attention and understanding is given to those who are studying and may have struggles and personal issues, but as soon as a person or family is baptized you are on your own, if not ignored or "marked". It has always appeared that if field service time can be counted there is interest and engerygy expended. As soon as you have trouble or stuggles as a brother or sister or family, the "labels" start to fly. . . weak, unfaithful, not whole souled, etc. Sorry. . . bitterness agian. I will go for now.
You need to work on your posting frequency - 3 posts over 6 years is low :)
Seriously, thanks for updating us ... I'm sure many can identify with elements of your story.
Hi Nick,
I'm sorry that you had to go through this..I'm a witness....I go alot myself..sometimes I get so overwhelmed, & say, well if I could talk to an elder or sister or brother...then I say..hey I can talk to God...&&& you know this is what God was telling me all the time...I'm here...Man doesn't have time ....especially witnesses...they are on a guilt treadmill & if it's not them going through it, they say the samething over & over again, because they don't know either...think about this Nick...remember when the Israelites had to go through the Red Sea...that had to take courage....they most likely prayed to God, they didn't rely on man, they couldn't they had to escape...Nick, all that to say...God will help us through our trials...no at times he may not take them away....God does help us to cope...if you read the bible alone without the help of man's interpretation, you'll get it...it's a simple message....Go to God...as you see going to Man, you get no where...The Bible are life lessons...there isn't anything in there that can't help you...halls, churches are places to fellowship, & you may find a friend or answer, but most of the time...it's in the bible...I tell you of the Red Sea because that was a difficult thing to do...to see water on both sides of you & still you must walk...that took faith...yes, faith for the moment, but still in all faith....See how many things you have been through & you have come through them without the help of man....You are looking in the wrong place..man can't even direct his own steps...The friends at the hall are just people who are dellusioned, & I can also say...selfish...the answer is right there...in the Bible...Hope we talk again...
Legacy
