Hello. I am new here. Like many I probably hesitated to post anything. I've been a baptized witness for 21 years. I was raised Roman Catholic, went to a parochial school for 8 years, public high school, the USAF for 4 years during Vietnam, got my first good job after the military in 1974 at age 25, got married in 1976, went to Pentecostal, Baptist churches for awhile, and was Presbyterian for 8 years during my first marriage that ended after 10 years. It was then that I began to "study the bible" with a JW work mate. It wasn't like I had not ever been through the Bible. I read the entire Bible during the time I was in the USAF at least twice. And re-read passages for more understanding. So, previous to becoming a JW I guess you could say I was searching. Oh, it wasn't that I was some kind of super pious zealot. I was raised Catholic and many things didn't make sense. In fact, the Catholic church always maintained it was the "one True Church" founded by St. Peter the "rock: (Petra). By the time I was getting separated from my first wife I was very disillusioned with religion in general. So when my work mate JW started talking to me about the Bible I remember saying to him: "Oh no, you aren't going to tell me that JW is the one true church or religion are you?!" Which, of course , was the case. So, then how did I get here, right? Well, move ahead a few years and I studied, got baptized, met a sister at a Kingdom Hall building project, and got married. In the space of 3 years I got divorced, changed my religion, got married again, became an instant parent, and a ministerial servant. Sorry if this is too long or too fast. Trying to not be wordy , but still give a well rounded picture. To say this was not a bit monumental for me would be an understatement. I got involved on mosr aspects of the congregation. Continued on with all the meeting, field service, Watchtower study with the family, etc, etc. During that time I experienced the usual issues of becoming a step parent. My wife's oldest a boy of 12 was ADHD. He had behavior issues and thought any discipline was some sort of game between him and my wife and I. He and the two girls, 7 and 9, had been molested by both their father, and a JW couple in my wife's original congregation a few hundred miles from where we now lived. We didn't find out really about the JW couple until several years later, when the Previously mentioned JW couple got accused of more widespread abuse in that same congregation and a police investigation was initiated. To make it short, all charges were dropped, and the couple went to another neighboring congregation. A few years later, the couple returned to the previous congregation even though the brothers and sister there were told they would never be allowed to return. I am including all this just to show complications and show common ground with others who have had these problems. So, let's skip ahead a bit more. I am now 60 yrs young. In spite of the things I experienced, and also inflicted upon myself, I am here but not going to meetings lately. My wife goes occasionally. We have now been married 20 years, the kids are now 31 (step-son), and girls are 29 and 27. The step son got married in 1995 to a problematic sister that everyone warned him about. They had twins in 1996, many personal and congregation problems, and divorced by 2001. We never get to see those grand children, even though we tried many times. We were "allowed" a few times by the mother who, along with her ever present fleshly sister, badgered us and put words in our mouths during our visit with the grand kids. My wife is very sad and hurt by this. Even at Circuit Assemblies the kids mother or aunt instantly and literally would drag the kids aways by their little hands if they manged to start talking with us. We had been nothing but kind at all times. Sorry if this is discordant, but these things just pour out of my mind. Now that you have a bit of a background I could go into detail as to why myself and my wife are disheartened, and angry about things. I can also relate how this affected both of us and how this almost tore us apart several times. I had gotten so distraught that I just gave up and left at one time because I felt I was faithless and just didn't have what it took to be a JW, a husband, or parent. So I admit that I could have been stronger, but I prayed about things endlessly, talked to elders for advice, had family meetings, etc, etc. All to no avail. I could give example after example of meeting with elders and relate how we were either told to not be "thin skinned" and that congregation members aren't perfect, and how the elders are "taking care of matters". The bottom line and common thing was always that it was "US" that had the problem; and it was "US" that had to come to terms with it; and it was "US" that had to make correction in our thinking. All with no relief to us or consequence to offending brothers or sisters. This was especially true if the offending members were affluent, or somehow well established in the congregation. I am sorry I can't write any more. This is very painful to have these feeling well up inside and flood me all over again. There is so much more that happend over the last 21 years. Believe me, I admit I have my faults and there were times I needed to be stronger but I could not cope with all the things that were happening to me and my family all at the same time. But is is also true that I got no meaningful help and little or no understanding from the elders or even two Circuit overseers. I guess I just had to get some of this off my chest. But the real question I hae is where do I go from here? I have read things on various ex-JW websites but I have problems rejecting ALL the JW beiefs. I have several Bible translations my favorite being the Revised Standard. There are things that I never believed as a Catholic and JW beliefs seemed to explain. My current status seems to be that no releigion has all the answers. But where is one that won't chastise me if I raise questions or don't believe the things it mandates or advocates? And I can see the things about Holidays being very commercial, politics being corrupt, etc. In recent years my wife and I would visit for awhile at her relatives of mine since both of our parents are not getting younger. We made it clear to them that we did not celebrate but wanted to still visit. Would Jesus have been that hard hearted to not understand other prople and what they did in their own good conscience? Well, sorry for this long diatribe. Thanks for reading.
I feel disheartened, confused, betrayed, depressed and angry.
by NickJ999 32 Replies latest jw friends
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happy1975
Hi Nick,
Welcome!! Don't feel that you need to decide anything right now, it can be very overwhelming. Just relax and continue to investigate, as you have clearly already been doing.
-Happy
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snowbird
Hi and welcome.
There are many here who have gone through some of the same painful stuff. You're in good hands.
The JW religion reminds me of something I saw on the spice aisle at the supermarket. Crazy Mixed-Up salt.
Sylvia
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Hope4Others
Welcome Nick,
I'm sure you will find much support here, try reading a few of the books many comment to. My self I just finished reading "Combatting Cult mind Control"
it helped me immensely to move on from the feelings of guilt. Here are some highlights that may help you... http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/162719/1.ashx
There is such a thing as grandparents rights...you could look into.
cheers,
hope4others
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yknot
to JWD
There are no one size fits all solutions but talking about it is a positive step in achieving clarity and balance.
Your story is heartbreaking, but I am so glad you have finally joined and posted. Just knowing all of us are not alone is of great comfort.
How does you wife feel about all this?
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sacolton
Welcome!
I can't read the whole thing until it get some corrective formatting. OUCH! MY EYES!
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jamiebowers
Don't be in too much of a hurry to find another religion or even hold to what the WTB&TS says. Continue researching for yourself. JWD will give you lots of ideas. Everyone on this board could tell you what they believe or don't believe, but you have to figure out for yourself what makes sense to you. Let us know what you've found. Welcome to JWD. Healing comes from learning.
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NickJ999
Hello again. Wow. Replies already. I do feel overwhelmed and very hesitant to decide anything. I just want some space. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe even now. My wife? She feels similar to me. Hurt , angry, disillusioned. But she feels as thought the "truth" still must be the answer even thought the Society has some crazy ideas as she puts it. The "new light " thing has always gotten to me whenever the Society makes a mistake. How arrogant to error and not even acknowledge it, but at the same time tell individuals to admit mistakes and sins?? Sorry getting angry again. Have to go! Thank you all.
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daniel-p
Hi Nick, I really enjoyed hearing your story and hope you stick around to settle out your questions. Your story is familiar to all of us - the disillusionment, pain, anguish of losing ones' faith and the anger at those misleading millions. I value some things I was taught as a JW growing up, but just because false prophets say a few good things doesn't mean they're not false prophets, blind men putting themselves in a position of leading. -dp
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gloobster
Welcome! There are many here that have gone through the same and worse. Unlike the JW's this is a very helpful and accepting place, from what I've seen. I've only been coming here about a week, and have made up my mind on that much. Hope you stay.
I can't read the whole thing until it get some corrective formatting. OUCH! MY EYES!
By the way, and this is the only time you will ever hear me say this, you may want to use Internet Explorer to make posts on this site, rather than Firefox or some other browser. The site isn't set up to work well with Firefox. If you use IE a little window pops up where you can make paragraphs, quote things, etc.