Did Being A Witness Make You Feel Better About Yourself?

by minimus 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  Casper

  dp
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  LearningMore

  I echo what many of you have said. I felt horrible about myself, depressed, and socially isolated. As said previously, I was desperately afraid of people knowing I was a witness (which made me an anxious wreck). I remember, especially toward the end, how I would drive somewhat recklessly coming home from meetings on the verge of tears and furious for no particular reason. I just wasn't liking my life. I am a much more content person now.
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  tiffy0212

  No, I felt like a person with no brain. I thought this would make my husband happy. I hurt my mother and father very much, and I missed out on many family functions. To this day I still live with the guilt that my father was dying and where was I, at the summer convention. I would love to just tell him how sorry I was for being so selfish not being with him at his time of the end. I couldn't even mourn his death and I loved his so very much. During my ten years at the hall with my husband being a elder you just have to suck it up to look like the perfect family and all the while you are dying inside. I never wanted to walk ahead of him, but as a family we walked behind him, when we should have walked beside him. This man will never change everything is about him and what he wants to do, that's why I will soon have a life of my own without him.
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  fern

  I keep seeing the same things over and over.....not good enough, not doing enough, depressed, embarrassed. I don't think many born-ins can say they felt better about themselves. Maybe some who came in later in life after terrible things had happened to them. This is the kind of person the dubs pray upon. I lost my childhood to this religion and never felt better once I left.

  Fern
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  fern

  I do have to add that I am not afraid to talk to an audience or crowd.....thats one positive I can say for being in the dubs.
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  jaguarbass

  I mostly felt being a witness to be a hinderance and a handicap.
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  Greensleeves

  I was part of a huge group that left in the mid to late 90's. I left home at 16, was a huge follower of the "Seattle Scene" of Grunge rock. Rebellion was a huge part of the youth culture at the time.

  But, there is nothing more relevant than Religion when you find serious problems in your life. I found guilt for leaving the WTS, and at the age of 20 tried to become one again. Bad choice. I found my rebellion was justified the first time around. It still is justified.

  I used to wonder if being a Witness would straighten my life out and give it meaning. I can see that it won't. But at least I don't have to come to a forum and post about it. Too late.
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  paranoid Android 54

  Growing up a witness, you dont have anything to compare that kind of life to, except that when you accept the real possibility that its NOT the "truth", thats when my

  eyes began to open. Slowly I began to see that happiness really is the way you feel about life. It is contentment and goals in THIS life, not some distant future paradise. The society toots its horn often about how witnesses are the happiest people on earth. And I believed this! I thought that was real happiness, now Im finding out that as I get further and further away, Im coming alive inside. The society doesnt want its members to know this or realize it. They tell them that thats not the "real life" they tell them that "worldly" people arent truly happy, that they cannot be truly happy because they dont have the "truth". Its all a big fat LIE.
• 

  startingover

  Surely you jest.

  I lived with depression for years, only to discover when I left the JW's it went away. Quickly.
• 

  amama2six

  I'm another childhood witness...and like so many others I'm seeing on here I was very much depressed during that time. I often said I had "NO self-esteem" as opposed to "low self-esteem". I tried my best for so many years to make everyone around me happy...my parents, elders, and other members of the congregation...but I never could. Despite my efforts I was constantly beaten down, belittled, told I wasn't good enough, and pushed to do more, more, MORE!
  
  All the while I was dealing with persecution from my fellow classmates because I wasn't like them. No holidays, no pledge, no sex ed, no parties, no friends outside of school, etc. I barely had any friends in the religion (mostly talked to the elderly ladies that attended) and barely any at school, either. I felt like a freak...constantly being embarrassed and harassed like that.
  
  Field service was hell for me, I was extremely shy and having to knock on doors at 7+ years old to try to teach grown adults "the truth" horrified me. So did having dogs sicked on me, people almost always slamming doors in my face, and the couple of psychos that brought firearms to the door.
  
  Still, I got baptized at nine years old because other congregation kids were doing it and I was being pressured to conform. At that point I just wanted SOMEONE to like me, be proud of me, SOMETHING. The negativity was just too much to bear sometimes and I often thought of suicide. Of course, that too, is a sin so to avoid Jehovah's wrath I chose to live with my misery instead.
  
  So no, I can't say being a Witness made me feel any better about myself...