Please help a lurker... too scared to post

by Awakened at Gilead 50 Replies latest members private

• 

  BFD

  Hi Secret pmer!

  Don't be scared. We don't bite (most of the time anyway).

  It is a rough road when you find out the "truth" is a lie. It takes time but things do get better. I am still at the stage where I don't know what I believe. I want to believe there is a God that loves me. Probably feel this way since the WT$ took that away from me 30 years ago. I just don't know, yet. It's very confusing to me.... F A I T H

  I do know the the WT$ is full of shit.

  I was DF'd in 1977/78 can't remember. Believed the lie up until a little over a year ago. Have not sterpped foot in a KH since my DFing. Go figure. I found JWD very much by accident and could not stop reading.

  You have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck on your journey.

  Welcome.

  BFD
• 

  Metamorphosis

  Lurker - I have been in your shoes. I was also a prime example held up in front of others. I served as a MS. I too wondered if it was just 'apostate shit' that I was coming across. But the more I read, the more I understood. Feel free to PM me or look at my post history for my story. Over the last year I have lost my wife due to my stand though I loved her dearly. I prepared a 50 page document outlining some of the things I came across in my studies and I would be happy to share it with you if it would assist you in making your decisions or confirming what you have seen elsewhere.

  Best wishes on your journey.

  Morph
• 

  dinah

  (((((((BFD)))))))

  I hear you, bro. I do still believe there is a Father who cares for us. He's just nothing like we've been taught.

  GRACE covers everything, it just depends on how you treat people. I don't think the sins they demonize are really that bad. But if someone needs help and you turn a blind eye....... We don't do that here. Most people here have really good hearts.

  Lurker, whoever you are, you picked a good person to PM.
• 

  Balsam

  Hi Lurker,

  I understand your fear, I felt the same way when I left its scary, your angry for being lied too and don't know where to go from there. Its like being a caged bird and suddenly the cage door opens up and your allowed to leave, only your afraid because of the unknown outside the cage. It takes a lot of courage to move out of the cage, but don't go nuts and start using drugs, drinking, smoking because it will only end up screwing up your life. You still need to be a responsible person but you do have new freedoms you can explore. I was an idiot and started smoking after I left just because I could then got addicted only to have to stop because it was damaging my health. Don't feel you must do something immediately or go looking for the so called truth. Take your time, go and examine the bible if you want by reading books by biblical scholars. Look at other religious perspectives, its OK God is here and there in precious tidbits. I've found that compassion, love, and patience are key to knowing the divine. JW's perspective is skewed because of the teachings they have chosen to push. Everyone caught up in the teachings never really examine them very closely.

  I was in a rotten marriage with 3 children when our middle son was in an auto accident and need blood to save him. His dad refused and our son died. I hadn't loved him in years and this was the last straw so I left him in 4 months. I even lied to the elders claiming I'd committed adultery so my ex would be free to remarry. The elders tried to get me to stay with my children's father and I said no way. I was disfellowshipped and moved away. Our other two sons followed me out in two years leaving the religion too when I showed them the blood policy had killed their brother. I felt lost, no longer was I part of a tight knit spiritual family anymore and would never would be again part of JW's. After the years of having my mind poisoned against the people in the world it wasn't going to be easy. I just took it one day at a time and worked on adjusting to a life without the JW mind control. If you can fade that would be best. It won't cut you off from your Mom. Your going to be OK, stick here with us and know were here to help anyway we can. Your young and have your whole life ahead of you.

  Ruth
• 

  ex-nj-jw

  If this isnt the truth what the fxxx is there

  The truth is that you are a young woman with a whole life ahead of you. There are things to learn, things yet for you to experience. Why don't you take some time to find out who you are, what you like and what you want out of life. Have some fun, make some real friends that will be there for you no matter what religion you choose to follow.

  Don't get so hung up on the "truth".

  Welcome to JWD, post when you feel you are ready. But most of all don't allow the Jdub or the WTBTS to ruin your life any further.

  nj
• 

  Eyes Open

  Hello there,

  Welcome to the site, and sorry to read of the stressful situations in which you are/have been in. I understand the fear of posting publicly - do things in your own time.

  I'm terrified at what im reading and finding out, and also filled with doubt wondering if this is just the apostate shit i always was warned about [...] Even tho I've been away from the truth since 03', the truth hasn't left me...I was raised very strict and well in the truth by my mom(bless her heart) but i just dont know if i can beleive it anymore.

  When you have been told by an authority that something is bad and out to get you it tends to have an effect. When I did my research, I deliberately avoided looking at "apostate" material because I was also scared of being misled by Satan. You have obviously been more open and investigated the other side. However, if you want to give yourself an opportunity to do some real bible study without having the WTS or so-called "apostates" give you their input, I recommend spending some time with a couple of bibles (the NWT and another of your choice - I quite like the New English Bible) and this book:

  How to Read the Bible: History, Prophecy, Literature - Why Modern Readers Need to Know the Difference, and What It Means for Faith Today

  It doesn't mention Jehovah's Witnesses, and the author is simply a scholar of Hebrew. It will almost certainly give you an entirely new understanding of the literature in the bible and will open your eyes to how it has been misused by bible cults. I really can't over-emphasise how things slotted into place for me when I did so.

  I'm so confused, and I dont know where to turn. If this isnt the truth what the fuck is there?

  Although you're naturally going to feel initially lost if the belief system you've known all your life turns out to be false, try not to worry about where to turn. There is a whole world out there, and even though you've been trained to view it as bad, things are not that black and white.

  As long as you are true to yourself, you will find your way. For starters, you've already gained many friends here who can understand the issues you face.

  To get this far you have already shown you have intellectual integrity and honesty. Respect yourself for that. Never stop learning, and keep doing what you think is right. The rest will come.

  Feel free to post or PM as you wish.
• 

  Dagney

  Welcome to JWD secret lurker!

  Thank you for allowing A@G to share your PM.

  It all feels pretty radical at first, like you had a punch in the stomach. But the more you put into it, reading and questioning, the quicker you will move along in the process.

  As to what else is out there outside WBTS, you will find out as long as you are searching. Trust yourself and your journey, meditate on things old and new to see if they resonate with the core of who you are.

  There are wonderful people here with every possible experience there could be. Pop in and share, ask, vent...whatever you need to do.

  I wish you strength for the journey.
• 

  Casper

  Welcome Lurker....

  The truth is that you are a young woman with a whole life ahead of you. There are things to learn, things yet for you to experience. Why don't you take some time to find out who you are, what you like and what you want out of life. Have some fun, make some real friends that will be there for you no matter what religion you choose to follow

  I totally agree with the above statements.

  You are young and things seem out of control right now, take a deep breath, read and you'll see you're not alone. So many here have felt the same as you do right now. It will get better the more you learn.

  We are here for you, when you are ready to join us...

  Sending supportive thoughts your way....

  Cas
• 

  The Oracle

  Dear Lurker,

  Welcome to this site. Your story, although not a happy one at face value, has been repeated many times over as you will see if you read some of the history on this board.

  The great news is that you are having your awakening. Being trapped in a fairy tale is not healthy, and even though the real world has some ugly spots, you will find that it is much nicer than you would have ever imagined as JW.

  I hope you can find some healing here. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, free from WT tyranny.

  Good luck to you, and we hope to hear more from you soon!

  I'm still serving as an "undercover" elder, helping as many as I can to get out of the organization on their terms. If you are looking for any specific help, we are here for you.

  The Oracle
• 

  oompa

  newbie: I was taught NEVER to doubt the org or the 'faithful slave' but doubts always lurked in my mind growing up...

  just FTR...I REALLY strated doubting at 19 while in service with DO Bro. Moske...what a great man. BUT...I must have doubted earlier since I conformed to "the world" since third grade dammit

  newbie: so since 2003 I haven't been a witness but it kills(ed) me every day

  OMG...........this nearly made me cry...STOP THE MADNESS!!!! and ya........you may need some intense therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 (or counsel with oompa at his beachouse...nononono....I really did not mean that!!!)...maybe in a year or two

  newbie: My mom calls me at work to read me the daily text and i always enjoyed it untill about 2 months ago when i thought, You know what, I'm going to be DF'd again anyways, (another story) so why not take this time to REALLY dig into the history and HOLY MOTHER CRAP!

  OMG...all you had to do was read the Procaimers (of insanty) book!!! Why the hey would the EVER print that????

  newbie:

  I was raised very strict and well in the truth by my mom(bless her heart) but i just dont know if i can beleive it anymore. I'm so confused, and I dont know where to turn. If this isnt the truth what the fuck is there?

  DAMM GIRL...just read the proclaimer book!!!!!!!! I have never even read crisis of concience or ANY OTHER EVIL APOSTATE book......this was about all I needed....plus a letter or two to HQ foolishly expecting serious questions to be answered!!!!!11 what a mindfluck...........way to go A@G!!!...got the youngins chasin ya...that may come in handy soon...how is the missus????hahahah.........oompa

  and oops...sorry I somehow posted this on another thread by accident!!