UPDATE : We Have 3 Choices (page 4)

drew sagan

I think most people usually hope for the fade first, and only when pushed hard by the JWs move into either DA or DF territory. We faded for around 6 months but then charges were brought up against us. I think we tried to live the life of a person out of the org to quickly to fade. So be it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

cyberdyne systems 101

I'd set up your new life first - friends etc, then leave - either by DA letter or walkaway.

Some say no need to play by their rules (DA yourself) but it does two things, one they will leave you alone and two you have a chance to stand up for what is right and tell them so. I chose to just walk until later they DF me. I'd have prefered to have DA'd now after reading some of the letters you'll find on here.

In any case it sounds like your wife has only just come round, so maybe hold off from steaming ahead on this until you have time to take it all in, as I say its better to plan to leave, so you have coping mechanisms in place first.

Thoughts are with you both at this crossroads in your lives

CS 101

yesidid

May I add a 4th choice.

Fade and have your family and many of your friends still associate with you.

Is that a pipe dream. No no no!

That is exactly what has happened to us.

My husband was in bethel, and later had other responsibilities, was very well known and respected.

We faded many years ago. Our relatives still associate as before and no friends have shunned us.

In fact our family had a party for us last year.

It can be done.

yesidid

sweetstuff

Even better ... read your letter of disassociation in front of the congregation. It's been done before!

Now how come I never got to attend a cool meeting like that growing up? Might have changed everything,. I might have said, if elder so and so did that, hmm, maybe he has a point.

But then, I would choose the fast fade option, like Outlaw and Ex, I'd just stop going and disappear. Why buy into their rules and formally do anything that gives them the satisfaction of excommunicating you from those you love?

OnTheWayOut

If you find that fading is unlikely to succeed or that you will be shunned anyway, you might wish to spare the hassle of being hounded. However, you might think you can succeed or that you will be able to waste the hounders' time and gas by fading. Only you can decide what the risks, costs, and benefits are going to be for each course of action.

Each person/couple must decide what they can do.

Just keep this thought in mind on the fade.
If you change your mind at any time, you can easily end a fade.
You can't easily end a DA or a DF. That gives some weight to
examining the possibility. Some give it a serious try before they
decide not to fade.

If it doesn't work, it's only a few months lost. If you are a team and
just want to walk away together, even that is a lightning fast fade.
Family might still talk to you, might not. Some family will still talk
to DA/DF ones, but that's rarer.

jgnat

I dont suppose you could start talking loudly about how great COLLEGE is about now eh? :)

Now, THAT'S a great way to fast-track your way out of elder's responsibilities, LOL!

Mr. Majestic

Fade and keep you options open……..No need to be in a cut off situation unnecessarily.

Don’t want to lose your family………….

sacolton

Any decision reached yet? The only problem with fading is that the society still considers you a JW and you're still game with them. They could walk into your life anytime to check up on you. "Hey, Brother PWP, haven't seen you in a few years ... how about a nice sheparding call filled with rich spiritual food to force ... uh, guide you back to into the arms of the loving Society?"

asilentone

If you like to keep in touch with your JW family, then fading would be your best option!

UPDATE : We Have 3 Choices

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