JW wife says she loves me more often NOW???? Should I test that?

by oompa 81 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  carla

  "inciting open warfare in peoples homes " -- That is exactly how the wt works! Because a jw is required to think of all other human beings as lesser and deserving of death it makes life difficult for mixed marriages. Imagine the person you love and have made your life with, now imagine this person going every week to meetings and seeing people that actually pray for your death and cannot wait for you to be destroyed. To say it puts a bit of a damper on intimacy (the full scope of intimacy not merely sexual) is an understatement. It can be difficult being with someone who wishes you dead . When they restrict normal and natural feelings between husband & wife, parent & child and actually write articles about how you can mis- treat family members that, in my opinion, is directions for open warfare.

  To say that they are not thinking for themselves is just going along with wt literature, surely you are aware of the many times the wt warns agains independent thinking? Therefore it is not a stretch to conclude that they do not think for themselves as they are not allowed to!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I just think we can end up inciting open warfare in peoples homes and marriages making them take defensive or attacking positions when it can be done in a nicer way using example and love allowing curiosity to be answered in a natural way, not by emotional manipulation and force.

  Oompa can correct me where I am wrong on the details, but let's get this clear.

  He was quietly examining CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE and reading JWD without
  a confrontational attitude in his marriage. His wife turned him in to the elders.
  That's more along the lines of the open warfare and attacking positions Reniaa
  is talking about. The JW is doing it.

  These are major trust issues. Loyalty to WTS before mate is terrible. The JW mate
  is made to think that their loyalty is to Jehovah God, so they should report their spouse.
  But the Bible says the two become one flesh. If that's true, you approach your mate
  and discuss their "apostate" activity. You can follow the scriptures and let the mate
  answer to God for their own actions without getting them in trouble.

  Oompa has the need to be treated as human and able to think for himself, instead
  of being branded as some sub-human apostate manipulated by Satan. He has the
  right to enjoy his life, but bringing former JW's or ordinary never-JW's into his own
  home and social life is looked upon as evil. Certainly, he should be able to speak
  freely at home, but we are trying to help him with our experiences when we have
  done that. Often, the JW is the one who rejects freeness of speech.

  Further, the trust issue. Mrs. Oompa refused to go to counseling with Mr. Oompa
  to deal with it. He has been more than fair, and has not treated her with emotional
  manipulation and force. Now, he is asking, out of desparation, for help because he
  either has to let her dictate his misery in life or move ahead in some way.

  This is some serious sh^t, folks. When we advise someone and throw our opinions
  in, try to fully understand the situation before we post. Marriages and divorces and
  lives hang in the balance. I got extra-serious since way back when I had a thread about
  a conversation with my wife and a poster said to "divorce the bitch." He totally did not
  understand my care and love for my wife. It's a good thing the other posters did.
• 

  reniaa

  You make a fair point Onthewayout in the end your right I do not know oompa's position, I was answering purely from a general standpoint and more in response to other posts and what oompa originally put.

  I pretty much agree with you and think we should be careful what we say on here in these personal situation posts

  I hope things work out for you oompa from what onethewayout says and your own words you have a difficult situation, Love is a difficult emotion and I can only say I distrust the "in love" feeling now and crave the gentler more long-lasting plain ordinary everyday wash-my-socks type of love born of life experiences and of course good sex thrown in lol.
• 

  Quirky1

  Sorry Oompa, I wasn't out to piss you off by any means. I was just voicing my own opinion. I know, opinions are like a$$holes, everybody has one. I should have been more considerate and not have been so straight forward. I hope you will accept my apology.

  My wife also tells me she loves me even though she is still a dub. I also know she has her moments. Like when she is at home she is all smiles before she leaves to a meeting. Sometimes upon her return she's not the same person that left. She seems distant, quiet. sometimes she goes straight to the bedroom and watches TV.

  I don't know if she is sad because I don't attend the meetings or if it is the personal talk at the KH. I would venture to say it is a little of both. I do feel that she still loves me and she may be afraid of losing me. We have had some serious discussion about our relationship and I have thrown it out more than once that if we cannot work things out it is time to see an attorney and she'll agree. After it is said and few hours go by she always says she wants to work it out, which is my preference. I don't want to lose her to religion.

  It's been a month or so since anything has surfaced between me and my wife and that is a good sign. I continue to let her do her own thing and go to meetings, field service, assemblies, etc.. She doesn't try to persuade me to attend nor does she talk anything about the religion itself or anything spriritual around me. We seem to still be living a normal life just like we always have even before Jdubland. I still drop tidbits of my apostate information when the timing is right. Whether she listens or not I dunno.

  Is there any guarantees? No. I may be in the same shoes you are or one of the many others here one of these days. She may eventually change her mind and desire a spiritual someone to be with her. Or, one day she may be persuaded by the BOE to ditch me. Which I will not let go without a fight.

  I know you have your own desires but you are not the only one. We all have desires in life and I am sure your wife has desires too. When we marry we may have to put our own desires on hold or cancell them all together for the sake of our partner. I know I have and I have accepted it because I know it will never be achieved while respecting the wishes of my partner. I know she has probably given some up for me. It is all give and take.

  Like I've said before, I do not know your entire situation. I do not know you or your wife personally and I hope the very best for you both.

  Quirky
• 

  The Oracle

  Dear Reniaa,

  you wrote

  oracle does that inc destroying his marriage? I would disprove of the fanaticism of purpose implied in your words from a JW too, it just doesn't allow for you treating someone as a human being allowed to have their own mind.

  If helping a loved one out of harm's way destroys the marriage, that would be a tragic and ironic outcome for certain.

  I guess it depends how much you really love someone. If you are willing to sacrifice your own relationship with that one in order to save them, then that is true love indeed. Some might even say that it is love of the highest order.

  If you allow someone to exist in a dangerous situation just so they will keep loving you - that could be interpretted as a selfish love. You really don't love them, you love them loving you.

  Am I may making sense to you? I think some will understand, but I know that not all will.

  Respectfully,

  The Oracle
• 

  flipper

  What On the Way Out & Oracle said
• 

  oompa

  I regret starting this thread in many, many ways.

  Thank you guys for your input...lots of it very good. Kitten you are a.........................can not even find a word for it........but you moved me very deeply this morning......sorry I posted my pm to you by accident.

  Thank you otwo for calling me and telling me to try and delete my posted pm to kitten even though it had been on JWD for over an hour and for smarting me up enough to never use the sucky line, "if you really love me"......even without using it...... I would not advise this test unless you really really want to risk a faster divorce, today and all of last night has left me and my wife feeling horrible, and I fully expect her to leave today or in the next few....it will probably be a last desperate attempt type of leaving to get my attention, or it may turn into a needed separation to see how we feel about each other without the jw-bs controlling my life

  I even feel selfish....she does not fuss or complain I am totally out.....yet I so want her to be I risked this test.

  Some have this truf soooo ingrained into them, that you just can NOT speed up a departure if ever...I now agree it may take frikkin decades with the occasional jab at jw lie

  If ever you do change them, how do you know you would love that new unbrainwashed person more than before?.....esp if you are not sure you are in love with them now (if ever if you married on the rebound?)

  Maybe this whole thread just comes down to love...what it is...and how do you know when you really have it? And if your aren't sure....what are you willing to do to find out?

  (three hour break here at least)

  I started this thread hours ago, and now my crying wife..... for the second night in a row has finally gone to bed....we did talk there for a long time too and for hours before. I am not a proponent of divorce........with or without WT crap, I made a vow to this woman....and I so want her to know I would rather her be a part of my life, instead of just a little part of my life I put up with due to a vow based on how I was raised......there is a big difference

  She did not mean to, but made it clear that she only wants friends that believe what she and her friends believe.....when I pointed out that this would exclude me, since I do not believe hardly ANYTHING she and her friends believe, and that therefore I could not be her friend either, she of course said, "but you are my husband, and I love you"........geeze, I had to tell her I want other friends....more friends, new friends, and so then it was that "I am not enough for you" .......so I agreed.................lots hit the fan then..................but I do want more than one person in my life......and she agreed that she is not a real social person anyway, but she knows that I am.......so this is real jumpy, this post, and I started just to never come back on it, but if this helps anyone I am glad

  I do not look forward to the next few days........but hey...things are really happening around here, isn't that what I wanted?.....oompa
• 

  flipper

  OOMPA- I was working earlier today when this thread was already in full throttle. As I briefly stated I concur with Oracle and OTWO a lot in their takes. I might add my personal experience from years ago- I was married 19 years to my JW wife, mother of my 3 adult kids. It seemed that as long as I was on the straight and narrow serving as a ministerial servant, and was at the time being groomed to be a " younger " elder - my wife was happy for me. She always stated she was happy having married an " elders" son . ( My dad was an elder. ) But the gloves came off in our relationship when she saw I didn't want to be an elder - and I started asserting my independent thinking - she would put me down for the slightest misstep then !
  
  Eventually I had to recognize that this lady I was married to had a love affair with her God " Jehovah " that was stronger than her love for me. Witnesses have this DRILLED into them ! So, in time I accepted the eventuality- and I found a woman in time who really does get me ! And one who loves me unconditionally ; not if I love her God or not. Just a few experiences to get you to thinking. Good luck with how things go buddy
• 

  oompa

  Flipper how dare you have an independent thought!...That would make you an individual...a real person.....but still breaking up was still a very hard thing to do....geeze think that was a neil sadaka captian and teneille song....barf........only humor will save me right now.......oomps
• 

  jaguarbass

  I escaped the tower in 83. My wife got out in 95.

  Marriage is a financial contract to share assets and liabilities.

  If by some chance your wife should leave the tower tommorow, you will probably have marriage problems next month over control issues.

  The only thing you control in this world is you.

  Trying to control anything else but you will keep you in the bottle.

  There was a song back in the 80's calle Hang on loosely.

  Try it.