JW wife says she loves me more often NOW???? Should I test that? (page 7)

Black Sheep

Hi Oompa,

I am born in, never baptised.

She is a convert, my biggest mistake.

If you look left, you will see how long I have been considered ' Apostate', but I have never been called that to my face.

My wife is trying very hard to be a loving wife while still remaining a JW. It is very difficult for her.

She has tried to deceive me to make the WT seem less cultish nowadays, but I have confronted her with her own litterature to show that that is not the case. She has no Christian concience when it comes to defending her cult.

On the few occasions when I do get a chance to make a comment, I do not say anything that she can refute without her knowing that she is deceiving me to do so.

I have made it quite clear to her that I don't see the WT as anything but one of a genre of high control religions and that the only thing special about it is that it happens to be the one that I had the misfortune to be born into.

She knows that I consider her to be a danger to children and the reasons why I believe that. She did not dispute anything I said.

We have grandchildren on the other side of the planet and we both think each other are a danger to them. She knows that I am prepared, and able, to present my case.

She knows that I have studied her 'increasing light' before she even gets a copy.

She knows that I know what the WT says on its official website and not to defend the WT by saying something that is contradicted on the website.

It is not a healthy situation, but it is the best I can hope for until she starts thinking again.

Cheers

Chris

reniaa

It is not a healthy situation, but it is the best I can hope for until she starts thinking again.

Blacksheep your words encapsulate what I have as a problem when these shunning topics come up, ON the whole I think shunning is not good but from what people say on here and your words inc it comes across as if they dispise the JW partner for remaining and think they are stupid and not thinking right in some way...now I know you can turn this on it's head an equally apply it to the attitude of Jw's thinking the same way of someone who is apostate but doesn't that then mean the blame is equal and should be placed at both doors?

If someone was constantly telling me I'm stupid for still believing Wts as they do to me on here lol it would definitely make me want to avoid them.

The Oracle

Dear Oompa,

Perhaps the real question is - Do you really love her?

If YOU really LOVE HER, then you will do everything you can to free her from the WT cult.

That is really the bottom line.

Nothing else really matters in comparison.

my two cents.

The Oracle

reniaa

Dear Oompa,
Perhaps the real question is - Do you really love her?
If YOU really LOVE HER, then you will do everything you can to free her from the WT cult.
That is really the bottom line.
Nothing else really matters in comparison.
my two cents.
posted by The oracle

eww oracle does that inc destroying his marriage? I would disprove of the fanaticism of purpose implied in your words from a JW too, it just doesn't allow for you treating someone as a human being allowed to have their own mind.

Switch

Oompa - you have a PM.

OnTheWayOut

eww oracle does that inc destroying his marriage? I would disprove of the fanaticism of purpose implied in your words from a JW too, it just doesn't allow for you treating someone as a human being allowed to have their own mind.

Reniaa, I appreciate what you are trying to say, but Oompa and others here have
come to the accurate realization that WTS is a mind-control cult. Hence, the
members are not fully thinking for themselves.

Nobody is suggesting treating the spouse as less than human. It's just that they
need to find a way to make the person think for themself. When we hear of people
TOTALLY refusing to look at evidence of WTS's being a mind-control cult, as
Oompa's wife is doing, it hurts and makes us reflect on our own situations.

(I had a whole bunch more written, but I am wasting my breath and don't intend to
make this a RENIAA thread. Let's just say, "Thanks for your thoughts, Reniaa.")

kitten whiskers

I feel for you Oompa! I hope she is saying she loves you, just because she does. She is probably scared that your differences may push you away from each other. Does your love for her hinge only on the fact that she was a jw and therefore eligible to be your marriage partner back when you believed? I am sure it doesn't. I am not familiar with your entire situation, but to answer your question...I wouldn't test her love. She deserves the same respect you do.
Does she show you she loves you? If she folds the laundry for instance...she is thinking of you each time she hangs up one of your shirts, irons a pair of pants, matches your socks.These chores are done with love. Does she prepare the meals? Offer to get you something while she is up...ex: a drink, snack as you are watching t.v.? She may say it more because she is scared and wants to be assured of your love for her.
I know my hubby had mentally left the jw's and hardly went to a meeting when he was first fading. I was so scared. It took me a while to see the real "truth", but he didn't push me. He waited for me. Some of the most powerful heartfelt conversations happened when I initiated it. He was reluctant to share, he didn't want me going to the elders. Sadly, before my exit, I did betray his trust and ask for a family shepherding call. I felt like I had to save our family and he was dying spiritually. I was so scared to tell him they were coming over. He met them with me...and their treatment of him and questions of meeting attendance, work, etc... got my blood boiling. He is an awesome husband and provider and does everything he can for his family... and for them to smugly sit there in judgment of him PISSED me off. I sat there defending him and realizing what a mistake I had made and hoping he would forgive me. I was scared I had jeopardized our marriage. But my husband LOVES me. I hope you find in your heart that aside from the problems this religion has caused you and her, that you love her.
My husband let me come to him. He supported me. Never made me feel that I couldn't believe as I pleased. He even went with to me conventions as my faith flip flopped back and forth. His support and lack of pressuring me, helped me see his love and question things for myself. You can't force someone to see something. They have to see it for themselves I think. But when the blinders get holes in them,you start to peek out through them and try to see things clearly. Just love her for her if you can. The best conversations I ever had with my husband about his doubts was when I approached him and asked him to share his feelings...while he was in the shower and I climbed in with him to have the conversation. The intimacy of that situation helped us be kind, open and gentle in our conversation. Is there really any better way to have a soul "baring" conversation? lol
I wish you all the best Oompa! I can only imagine how hard it must be to be the one who has left and to want your mate out so bad you can almost taste it. Maybe you could have a date night where you go out and reconnect each week as a couple. As JW's we would sit holding hands during meeting. That was a connection for us at the time. If you did that at the kingdom hall too, she probably misses that time of quiet closeness. Just my rambling thoughts. Again, all the best to you! Hope my viewpoint helps a little.

kitten whiskers

Sorry about the lack of paragraphs. They were there!

reniaa

Onthewayout your right I don't want this to become a "reniaa thread too" i'm becoming famous and this first time i've been on for a while lol

I shouldn't let myself get drawn into spausal discussion threads, it's pet hate of mine on here! I just think we can end up inciting open warfare in peoples homes and marriages making them take defensive or attacking positions when it can be done in a nicer way using example and love allowing curiosity to be answered in a natural way, not by emotional manipulation and force.

And thats my last on it, Sorry Onthewayout but I do feel strongly on this and it's not really a JW issue just a humanity one.

oompa

You: I hope you find in your heart that aside from the problems this religion has caused you and her, that you love her.

I

JW wife says she loves me more often NOW???? Should I test that?

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