How do you handle ... being shunned?

Awakened at Gilead

My DA announcement was last Tuesday, so I have been on the official JW shun list for about a week now...

I am curious how you handle shunning.My situation:

I have spoken with my family (my parents and 1 brother) and discussed whether they will shun me. I explained that Biblically they should not shun me since I am not an AntiChrist, and I have not rejected the teaching that Jesus cam in the flesh. According to 2John7-11, this is the basis for the shunning doctrine, so I told them that they should not stop talking to me.

I already knew that my mother would not shun me.. she already doubts a number of WT teachings, such as the cross, blood, and birthdays, believe it or not (although my anointed stepfather elder knows nothing of this. While my mother recognizes that these are errors, at her age, she is happy to let things go and continue on in the religion. However, our relationship has improved, in part because she now has an outlet to discuss her doubts.. before she had to suffer in silence. So we talk more now than before when I was a JW.

My stepfather told me that I am his son, so he has no reason to stop talking to me. We had a calm conversation where I indicated my Biblical reasons for rejecting the WT org, and his responses were typical JW responses, so after about an hour of this I suggested that we discuss other subjects in our future conversations. I explained that I am not trying to aggresively campaign JWs to get them out of the org, but rather only want to explain my views to them so they know that I am leaving out of conscience and not out of misconduct (which is my step-father's implication).

I sent my brother an email asking if he would shun me. I told him that if I got no response I would assume that the answer would be that he would. After no response, I sent him a brief email wishing him the best and that I would likely see him next at one of our parent's funerals. That git him upset and he emailed me back. I sent a lengthy response explaining that like Galileo, I am being judged for what I believe is the truth. And I mentioned that if he has the truth, he has nothing to fear from me. Using Galileo again, if someone today would say the our solar system is not heliocentric, no-one would believe him, since we all know the truth. So, I explained, if he has the truth, it will withstand any criticism. But I agreed not to discuss spiritual matters, as I only wish to be friends and brothers. He has not responded yet.

At my job I supervise a JW sister who is in a different language than my last cong. She knows nothing about my DA and I will not tell her either... don't want to ruin the good working relationship. She is a good employee.

Another challenge will be seeing JWs who I know in the street or if they call my home....

How do you respond in these situations? Do you feel empowered since they are afraid of you, as Dawg mentioned on another thread? Or do you avoid eye contact to avoid offending them? Do you say "Hi how are you" in a friendly voice when they call your home? Do you visit sick JW friends or relatives in the hospital, and thus "turn the other cheek" and "heap fiery coals on their heads"?

Octarine Prince

A little of everything you pointed out.

And I am not even disfellowshipped or disassociated. The word traveled that I was persona non grata, from elders to elders' wives to elders' children to chief self-righteous members, and beyond.

Awakened at Gilead

Yes they can shun you if they think you are bad asociation. They don't need an announcement.

babygirl75

When I was first df'd, I would avoid them at all cost & try to avoid any kind of uncomfortable situation. I was making myself less of a person than them. That came from being taught from days of infancy, that df'd persons would the same as being dead in the eyes of Jah.

That was then....now I will not allow myself to be ignored. If I see them out, I do make eye contact with them. I let them know I am aware of their presence just as they should be aware of mine. I am extremely, overly polite to them. If they are rude to me, it just goes to show what arrogant, unloving, judgemental people they are. I do have past friends of mine, that will hug me and talk to me when they see me. Others I've known all my life, act as if they don't know me. No loss there though!!!

lonelysheep

I don't have family in.

My fake friends irritate me with their every 6 month calls to see if I've changed my mind. My thinking is, if you're going to cut me out of your life, then keep it that way, in every way possible.

Another one blatantly ignored me and I now see her as arrogant.

So, to answer your question, I handle it just fine. Life goes on and on despite armegeddon doctrines.

Finally-Free

I like it when they shun me. It means I don't have to listen to their propaganda or their backbiting. Life is good.

W

Awakened at Gilead

BG75:When I was first df'd, I would avoid them at all cost & try to avoid any kind of uncomfortable situation. I was making myself less of a person than them. That came from being taught from days of infancy, that df'd persons would the same as being dead in the eyes of Jah.

You reminded me that the saddest people on the planet are those that are Dfd yet still believe its the truth.

So I just decided to call up a friend who was Dfd about a year ago (in my old cong) and I haven't seen in a few years. The call goes like this...

A@G: Hi M----.

M---: Hi. (He forgets who I am, and then after prodding he remembers...)

A@G: Yes its me, the one who went to Gilead.

M---.. pause.... Silence.... you're calling me? .... you know.... I'm.... Disfellowshipped. (a sadder tone than I expected)

A@G: And I'm DA'd!. Announced last week... I just wanted to offer my friendship,

M---: Well, I'm busy now, I'll call you later.

______

I don't know if he'll call back, but I feel so sorry for the guy that he is still enslaved to the WTS concept. But maybe he'll shun me too, lol!

A@G

daniel-p

hey A@G, so how's your wife doing with this so far?

Quirky1

Well A@G, I dunno for sure but I think I was shunned at a family gettogether over the weekend for my nephews graduation. I cannot really say for sure but he didn't hardly say two words to me nor did his wife.

Kind of wierd. The avoidance of visual contact. Oh well, still had fun with the rest of the bunch though!

OnTheWayOut

I don't have any personal experience with "How do you handle being shunned?"

It sounds like you have done a great job of preparing family to face the issue and
have minimized their conflict of loyalty. You may have to keep the promise to
back off on "aggresively campaign[ing] JWs to get them out of the org."

The JW at work. I agree. First of all, why should she be uncomfortable just
because a cult has some silly rules? Secondly, it's not your responsibility to inform
any cult members of your status. You are the same person you were last week and
the week before, as far as that goes.

JW's on the street or friends- well, I hear these stories. It seems that those who are
not family usually show their loyalty to the organization ahead of friends. There are
examples of the opposite, but strong JW's usually shun the DF'ed/DA'ed ones. I
suppose I would go out of my way to be the same person I was before and make them
look like the ridiculous person trying to get away from me for saying hello.

I wish you well in this new problem. It sounds like you were ready for it. You should
be fine. Many of us will take the place of your friends that will now shun you.
Strength to you.

How do you handle ... being shunned?

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