Are the "Converted" ever really accepted by those "Born In ?" (page 2)

ataloa

I can so relate to this. My hall also had three big familes running it. I was never accepted, but I always thought it was just me, because I'm a person that doesn't fit in easily anywhere. I always wondered why no one ever took me under their wing to work with me, but always made snide remarks about me not doing enough.

Before I came on this board, I had no concept of converted versus born-in. Now I see they are two different worlds.

Great post, wildfell. I also think it might be more to do with turf than religion. The elders in my hall had been there a million years. I wonder if it might have been different in a hall where all the elders were fairly new to the area. And yes, you have no one. Your worldly family is gone and you have no family on the inside. I didn't even have a spouse to come in with me.

In a dozen years, two of the elders never even spoke to me; would turn and go the other way every time I approached them to say hello.

I've been sitting here thinking of all the people I knew - and you know, most of the converted were always on the fringes. Only if you were a somebody in the world were you fawned over. I really think most of those people are gone now....faded away. I always worried when we would lose another one, because they always seemed to be the nice people.

mrsjones5

Sorry born-ins, but contrary to your air of superiority, I have found you to be just a bunch of weaklings.

As a born-in I've never felt any superiority to anyone who converted, maybe a small sense of dismay that they got duped. To the contrary some of us born-ins were envious of those who got to experience what we never could (birthdays, holidays, normal life, etc.).

Josie

Casper

Warlock,

Since I am no longer regular in anything, I have had no problems adjusting to worldly people, especially at work. Actually, I fit right in.

I can agree with that statement, it didn't take me long at all to fit back in with the world. I found it a much friendlier place...

IP_SEC,

You gotta learn the "Talk" first, some just won't give you time... lol

Hi ataloa,

Wow, you too !!

Good to know it wasn't just me that felt so weird. I didn't learn the terms "Born In" and "Converted" in this context until I joined here also.

Wildfell...did say it really well...so glad she posted.

Goodness, You must have been very lonely in the congregation. My heart goes out to you... So glad you are here.

Mrs Jones,

It never occured to me, at the time, that some may be envious of the things I had experienced, it was certainly never voiced to me. But, I can see what you mean. After joining here, I have read that a time or two.

Cas

Warlock

As a born-in I've never felt any superiority to anyone who converted, maybe a small sense of dismay that they got duped. To the contrary some of us born-ins were envious of those who got to experience what we never could (birthdays, holidays, normal life, etc.).
Josie

Josie,

My statement should have been qualified with exceptions like you.

I apologise.

Warlock

mrsjones5

No problem Warlock. I was remind of something I heard when I was a kid. I was at the hall hanging out out with a few kids after the meeting. Some of the kids were children of new converts and they were complaining about all the things they couldn't do, Christmas and Halloween were at the top of the list. I remember thinking that they were lucky just have been able to do it.

sass_my_frass

I definitely agree. It's probably because no convert could possibly buy it all; they'd have had enough time as an adult already to have been able to flex their conscience and intelligence on a few things. Surely they wouldn't be comfortable with surrendering every choice in their life.

Snoozy

Well this is a new spin for me. I came in to the religion in the early 60's..there weren't too many "Born In's" at that time..

What I myself have noticed now though, is that the "Born In's" seem to have the most hostility when they leave the religion.

I don't know if it because they may have more relatives that shun them when they leave or if they are just resentful because of having their childhood taken from them. (wasted)

Any opinions?

Snoozy..

Balsam

Excellent question, and one I don't recall anyone ever asking?

I and my then husband became JW's when we were 21 & 25 after a 8 month bible study in 1971 in Downey Calif. The couple who studied with us were born-in's but they were very very kind and helpful and we developed a close bond with them that gradually dropped off when we moved to my husbands home state North Carolina. The congregation we belonged to in Calif was great, and welcomed us and associate with us easily. Most of the ones at the KH were born-In's but they included us in all kinds of activities they had. Perhaps it was because it was Calif I don't know but we were treated as equals though we were newbies.

When we moved to North Carolina, where my husbands family lived in Asheboro, we contacted the hall. A born-in witness had been friends with my father in law welcomed us and he was an Elder. There they accepted us totally and we were embraced by all. Then later after about 2 years we moved to Seagrove area but found we were not as embraced as the one we were in. They were all families with generations of born'in's but in time they accepted us somewhat better. But for the first time after being in for about 5 years I could tell a distinct difference in the other congregations ability to accept us. The seemed to be suspecious of us initially, even cautious. We then noticed that people born in to the witnesses who moved into the congregation was welcomed much quicker. I could feel the skepticism of the friends that we were really dedicated. Then I began to hear comments like well 8 months going in and 8 months going out refering to other of the quicky study witness that came in. What made it hard was that it was usally true, may who had bible studies would come and even been zealous for a while then realize what it all was then depart. We stuck it out unwilling to doubt our supposed faith. Most people were just smarter than we were. LOL

But I did feel a difference in congregations and we had been in 4 different ones. I know in Seagrove for quite a long time I felt like an outsider till one single sister who had been brought in as a child befriended me. Once a few got to know us they warmed up to us. It always bothered me in the door to door work when they spoke of the people they called on as goats if they rejected the message right off. I would say, "Hey I used to be a goat till I listened." I tried to encourage them to be more compassionate and put themselves in worldly peoples shoes when they talked to us. First off they thought we were nuts, a cult and didn't trust us. I sadly helped some to actually get bible studies simply changing how they viewed people. It was weird to me how they viewed the world as them and our group as us, thinking they were some how extra special when it was only a religion that divided us from them. I think some came to appreciate how my view was much more compassionate than theirs plus in the 80's the Society encouraged us to be caring when we preached. Of course that sort of disappeared when it became more anal after Ray Franz was booted out the door.

I know from talkin to my sons who were both born-in's that my departure was 75% easier than what they have experienced. My youngest son is still angry about being raised in a cult. There is a big difference in recovery time I believe for those who had come in from the world and those where born into it. Its much harder it seems for born-in's to change gears. My sons have said that I was the biggest help because I left first and made the way.

yknot

It all depends........

Most of the converts I have known are party-line teetotelars......and remains so for decades. This makes them hard to be "open" with them.

We are warned so much about "stumbling" them.

Do I think of them as less JW? No, their blind faith and zeal are what the WTS finds most desirable. They believe and heed the "urgency", while us born-ins have heard this message spun over and over again.

I find their previous lifes fascinating, as I will never fully understand 'living in the world'. The indoctrination never goes away it is just rejected.

Casper

Surely they wouldn't be comfortable with surrendering every choice in their life.

Sass,

But you see, I did just that for 13 years, it was a struggle.

Those of us who "became" witnesses were able to compare the before and after.

I guess for some, myself included, the before was a much better place.

Snoozy,

I can see what you mean. I have alot of sympathy for born ins that leave. They not only have to completely revamp their thinking and way of life, but also, most lose family and friends, usually over small petty things. No wonder they are angry.

Balsam,

Excellent post. I like the way you explained your situation.

I myself had only attended one Hall, so I suppose my experience was rather limited. I had heard of other Halls being described as more loving or more spiritual minded. I just know that in my hall, they were very cautious of the new ones and keep them at bay for the most part.

yknot,

Now that was a different perspective that I hadn't thought of. Very good points.

Cas

Are the "Converted" ever really accepted by those "Born In ?"

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