My Wife Is Getting A Sheparding Call

by sacolton 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • hillbilly

    Homer... I hope that it all works out for this fella.

    I have seen this happen twice before it happened to me. I really did not believe what I was seeing and hearing was all there was to it... I was hoping there was something deep in the background that I just did not understand. After time if became evident that poor elders advise helped to break up these marriages and shattered a couple of real good men.

    I have had JW elders involved in two marriages. In the first one I was slandered and accused of all sorts of crap... and after a while the drunk, drugged out JW wifey showed up as the tramp she was. NO apoplogy to me from any of the parties. I ended up divorced and disqualified to serve in a faith I still had some hope in.

    Second one... elders just plain talked this one right out of her family.

    Again.. I hope this works out ok... but as one who's been there and done it... I see a bad moon risin........


  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    Hate to sound like the rest of the advice that's been given but too many of us have seen this scenario and it rarely works out. I've also seen the opposite where the wife gets inactive and a sister or two gets in. It's amazing the amount of sell on loving others in the truth is given but when it comes to a relationship it seems like all bets are off. I remember when my wife left. She was barely outta the house and I was getting offers.

  • tooktheredpill

    Sacolton: I sent you a PM.

  • Layla33

    I have never agreed with the JW religion getting involved in marital affairs, they break more families apart than the military. My heart goes out to you, because it has put you in a terrible position, where you will be forced to make a decision at some point regarding your marriage or it will be made for you. I would sue their asses if they did it. Document everything.

  • Thechickennest

    I don't know how much more advice you can stand on this, I will try to take it easy on you.

    My wife was born into JWS, a large extended family of JWS still very active. I made my informal departure from JWS a couple of years before my wife followed. I never encouraged/discouraged her one way or another. I never stood in the way of her attending meetings. We only talked spiritual matters if she brought it up. When we both formally left the borg, she lost her entire extended family. I would say you have 50/50 chance of keeping your wife. It is a matter only you can live to see its end good or bad.

    Our experience was a postive one and one for which I am thankful. Hope that yours will turn out well too. Take Care.

  • sspo
    It is very difficult to keep a marriage together when one spouse is a strict JW and one has moved on. I wish you the best of luck.

    I went thru the same thing and after 26 years of marriage, the watchtower came first. She left and divorced.

    It's been said before, if you still love her, try not to mention or say anything negative about the organization, she will leave you and will be encouraged

    by friends to do so if her spirituality is in danger.

    A smart and wise elder will never tell her to leave you, they will always remind her that it's her decision to stay or leave, of course there are idiots serving as elders and might give her the wrong counsel.

  • LouBelle

    The best thing to do (even though it's going to be hard) is be that supporting, loving but "apostate" husband - show her by your deeds and actions that "worldlies" can be better than the ones' she calls brother & sister.

    We know there is no use fighting this - you cannot force any JW to just see it, it has to come from them - a hard lesson I've had to learn.

    All the best.

  • sacolton

    Update: Nothing serious. She said they went over scriptures and that's about all. Appears that everyone in the Book Study was getting a Sheparding Call regardless, so they weren't just focusing on her. However, they did ask about me. My wife told them that I got the KJV on audio tape and ordered a large-print KJV bible to read and listen to (makes it more interesting) and that I'm still researching.

    I did ask her if they should ever insinuate that she should leave me because I'm "apostate" if she would. She said, "No, that would be stupid."

    I'll just leave her alone with her meetings and hopefully one day she'll wake up. Thanks for all the comments and suggestions!

    What a great support group!

  • TweetieBird

    I haven't read all of the above comments but a couple of people mentioned being the best husband you can be. This is really good advice. The WTS has the R&F convinced that once someone leaves "the truth" they instantly become immoral, therefore, your wife probably fears that this will happen to you. Let her know that nothing is going to change just because you disassociated yourself and she wants to remain a witness.

    Just reassure your wife of how much you do love her and start doing more activities with her. If you can get her to meet other people that aren't witnesses and show her that they are not evil that may help also. People fear the unknown.

  • WTWizard

    Oh! Owe! I think they are going to try and put a wall between you and your wife. Their aim is to protect her from outside opinions and viewpoints, even if it means hounding her to start rejecting you. This is going to be more of a problem in the Washtowel Slaveholdery now that they are cracking down so hard on using independent sources for spiritual information. And, whether you are present or not, they are going to force her to do this.

    At the very least, I would recommend a recording be made of it. If they refuse to let her record it, that would be grounds for another disassociation--this time from her. Or, you could order to be there under threat of suing them, and record it yourself. Any attempt on their part to get her to reject you on grounds of protecting her from exposure to outside information is grounds for you to sue the Washtowel Slaveholdery. I wonder if you could have criminal charges pressed as well.

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