My Wife Is Getting A Sheparding Call

by sacolton 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • hillbilly

    I kept my wife in a good car and provided the income she dropped in the contribution box...Like I have a right (by there rules) to make yourself privy to any spiritual stuff they may want to speak to her about. They will back door that.

    Oh... any alienation of affections stuff... my lawyer told me that tree wouldnt be worth barking up. Seems that the courts will get very muddled in a church- state issue and most judges wont go there in a JW centered suit. Better off just doing a divorce and protecting assets as best you can.

    Oh yea...her elders will tell her to just get divorced and get out... but she will get all sorts of advice about how to take you to the cleaners before they are done. Spirtual warfare is a bitch.


  • Homerovah the Almighty
    Homerovah the Almighty
    Oh yea...her elders will tell her to just get divorced and get out... but she will get all sorts of advice about how to take you to the cleaners before they are done. Spirtual warfare is a bitch.

    I don't agree to that statement at all, isn't that being overly speculative, lets not go overboard in a presumptuous way.

    These elders may just be wondering what the hell is going on with Sacolton and if you did lose a member permanently then

    what can we do to keep his wife as a member and not slip away also.

    This is how most religious faiths operate themselves.

    In particularly with the JWS because of the constant pounding into their heads that were god's organization , were god's organization and so on

    Just because Sacky woke up and discovered he didn't have " The Truth " doesn't mean he should give up hope for his wife

    some people just need a little more of a brighter light to wake up to.

    I persoaly hope that things will work out for both of them in the run ....Take care

  • lesterd

    Remind her her marrriage vows were made to Jehovah and not to the elders, or the org. They are overstepping their authority. If you separated and die at armagadon because you were removed from the source of truth...your blood is on their hands, hers and the elders.



    Sorry about that. That's how I lost my wife..."endangering her spirituality"...whatta crock! I allowed her and the kids to attend and never fought with her about it. I even still attended once in awhile. She was baptized and although I was born into it I wasn't dunked. What's funny is I made really great money back then and she always wrote the checks for the I am sure the elders that gave her that great advice thought the money would continue after I was gone. It didn't. She became a struggling realtor in a crapped-out market. Too bad. If they do convince her to dump you, fight tooth and nail for everything, especially the kids. I lost my daughter but got my son out. Good Luck. And by the way if they are "shepherding" her in your home you have a right to be there...although I would just hide a tape recorder so you can always be one up. They are extremely sneaky so you have to beat them at their own game.


  • loosie

    I agree with momz. Be the best husband you can be. This will kill their bad thoughts of you in her mind.

    That is what my hubby did. Is show me how he was not how the religion said he was.

    I must not speak about spiritual issues.

    Nobody has the right to tell you what you can talk to your wife about. That's BS.

  • Hortensia

    wow, that all sounds so discouraging! I don't have any advice, I'm just so sorry this kind of thing happens. It's rare enough in the world to have husbands and wives who love each other like that - to have some dumb religion interfere is just a sin.


    Hugs to you sacolton,

    I hear your concern about your wife meeting with the elders for a "shepherding call." In all the years I was a dub living with an unbeliever, I never once received a shepherding call. "Shepherding call" is another name for "snooping" or "spiritual warfare" as far as I can see. As a wife who was not supported by her husband (because he was an unbeliever) I was always admonished to "be obedient to your husband, that he may be won without a word." It was my job to convert him. As long as I did not "win him without a word" I was a failure as a wife. I carried a lot of guilt for my "failure."

    I would advise that you not interfere and make demands that you be present for the "shepherding call", however. That sounds paranoid. Contrary to what some others are saying about this. Your wife would likely resent your interference. She in all likelyhood believes the elders are looking out for her best interests. Your uninvited presence could be perceived by your wife as hurtful to her spirituality --- she might start to resent you. Or if she is already resentful, it could turn into full-blown anger --- very damaging to a marriage.

    You were brave to da yourself --- by yourself. I suggest you give your wife all the space she needs to work through her own issues around you leaving the dubs by da'ing. She will respect you more in the end. Some day she may see the elders are not really looking out for her best interests, become disillusioned and join you in leaving. Won't that be a happy day!


  • bluesbreaker59

    They may use this meeting as a "feeler"... Meaning they will ask her, if she receives undo stress from you, or if she is being fed "apostate food". If she answers yes to either of these, they will go the route of "spiritual endangerment", I guarantee it, especially if they are younger elders. If you have a group of very old (read: Dinosaur) elders, then they will remind her of her wedding vows were said before Jehovah, and will NOT, go the route of spiritual endangerment, however, they will be asking about you.

    I've had sheperding calls both ways, when I was in. Usually though they only want to come over about "lack of...", its rare that they come as an encouragement. Its usually to nitpick, harp on you, or drill you for info.

    I tried to go the route of endangerment from my ex-wife, when they wouldn't believe she was cheating, even though she was staying at another man's house for full weekends.

  • AuldSoul

    My dad (congregation PO) tried to encourage my wife to separate from me.

  • Bring_the_Light
    You are still the head of your household. Require, no, demand that the elders speak to your wife only through you and with you present.

    Just my thoughts.

    Everytime I hear anything about this idea of Elders getting involved in marriages, I have the urge to push for "Wifely Dues". Make sure the Elders emphasize that she is REQUIRED by JEHOVAH to put out. (I really can't get over that) I've never heard is the requirement to spread legs on command, or does she need to kiss too?

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