Wow, Terry thanks so much for the post, since I have a JW funeral this Sunday afternoon it came at a great time!
I ATTENDED A JW FUNERAL YESTERDAY---WOW!
First - my condolences for your loss. A death in the family - no matter the circumstances - or the past - is always difficult.
Terry - "They all look absolutely horrible! They look years older than they are. They have all let themselves go physically. They are in a state of physical disrepair that only comes to people who have given up on life. Honestly, they are fat, dumpy, haggard and bizarre looking. And I'm even trying to be nice!!
Compared to them I have to say I felt twenty years younger!! Is that awful of me to say? I take no joy in doing so. (Well, not too much:)"
Great observation. I have been to a few JW funeral services in the last 4 to 5 years. I have noticed the same thing. My older sister and younger brother - both look much older than their actual years. Grey hair... haggard look.
Other people I have known in what seems to be another life - also look much older - wrinkles - forced smiles. Still very nice people, but just under a lot of pressure.
One further observation, though. This look is not limited to Jehovah's Witnesses. I have seen it on other faces. I used to work for a company locally. It is a very large company (well, for the local economy) that now employs over 2600 or so people. I have not worked there since 1992 or so, when I got laid off. I had many friends and acquaintances while there.
Well... off and on through the years since, I have had the opportunity to re-visit the company and see many of the folks I used to work with. Looking at them - they are very much like the JWs - looking much older than they are - and haggard.
So - I have come to the conclusion that it is possibly related to stress and how well an individual handles (or not) it.
Me? I look and feel about 20 years younger than my numeric age. My wife also says that I behave much younger than I actually am. It's all a matter of ones' outlook on life.
Thanks for sharing, Terry. As for Aleman, he'll never see your side of it - he's a freshly minted dub (Hey Aleman, you been dunked yet? Still doing "research"?).
I have also seen this "surfacing" of humanity in witnesses. It is such a pathetic life. Genuineness appears only intermittently and in between it is a doctrinally induced zombiness. So sad. W.Once
As per usual, I agree with the well-expressed feelings and sentiments displayed in the opening post. I give you credit for showing up, not knowing how you would be treated. Our family had occasion to gather together for a nonJW member's "outing" (for lack of a better term) and MY JW BIL (of my age) took this event to, when leaving, go around to every family member and hug them or shake their hand while walking right past me as I was standing and talking with some folks.
A few short years later HE died, and the JW funeral at the KH, was held where he lives....400 miles away. Hubby could not get the time off from work and even if I HAD a way to get there....I felt that BIL didn't want anything to do with me when he was alive....WHY should I travel all that way by myself with the disablities I happen to deal with...for him? We simply decided "thanks but no thanks. (I had also sworn I would never set foot in a KH ever again after I walked away from the WTS, which ALSO played heavily into my decision) There WAS another unexpected death in our family, from the same area.....that I didn't travel to ( truly, I don't travel well) but my hubby and son had gone to the services, so it is not unusual for me to NOT show up for these trips)
It seems after this event, that the friendly phone calls and visits ended and it took us a while to figure out that that side of the family was all ticked off at us (mostly at me) and were not speaking to us now BECAUSE we did not make the trip....despite the distinct and unmistakable dissing I received BY him just a few years before....in front of the whole family group.
I have been to enough JW funerals to KNOW they are ONLY for extending another opportunity to preach at the captive nonJW family members in attendance, with extremely little ever being said about the deceased other than his "WTS hope and dedication". They are such blatant infomercials and left me cold when I WAS an active JW. I see absolutely no reason to sit there and have to listen to any more of that drivel to make THEM "feel good" in some weird way. Not only that, but being DAed, I would be an outcast, so I would have the "pleasure of their company", sitting through their boring "talk", along with the cold stares and fishy sneers.
JWs ARE a very strange group with even more strange ways and their expectations of OTHERS.
Sorry....NOT my cup of tea.
I recall my JW buddy, Johnny, saying afterward what a wonderful funeral it was. It was his mother and he was employed by the funeral home.
As long as he was satified, that is okay by me.
I thought it weird to display his mom's body. Even though I stood and looked down at the cosmetically enhanced remains, I could not help wondering why this bizarre ritual is ever comforting to people. It is a puzzle.
Perhaps it is for "closure" as they say. Dunno.
In my opinion, there was a lot of cognitive dissonance and denial in the crowd among non-family members. Laughter, joking and congeniality have their place---but---at a funeral???
Aleman is a bit loopy ................probably best ignored!
Friendly advice :)
Laughter, joking and congeniality have their place---but---at a funeral???
I have not been to a lot of funerals, but I also have never been able to wrap my head around the luncheon idea
after with people chit chatting, laughing. I attended one luncheon and that was the last time, it seemed so
out of place or maybe I'm too reserved in some area's of thinking.
Thanks Terry well said. I am amazed at the Brothers giving you a welcome???? They are under strict orders to show THEIR kind of love. Ignoring you so you would go back in??? that is their love
it is good that you were there to support your children at their grandmother's funeral
your insight and observations are intriguing, as i am still in the first half year of my emrgence!