What do you do when you exit and your wife stays in?

by Quirky1 66 Replies latest social relationships

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  BluesBrother

  Hi Quirky,

  I have come late to this thread.. My wife is a diehard dub, at least toward the concept of it all & "The Organization" she has plenty of issues with the local congregation, but that does not seem to shake her faith. I faded almost ten years ago. I was at the time an elder. I conducted The WT Study, a group and was the Secretary , when I had my "Road to Damascus" awakening.

  I had to fade, fast. It still took a while but I did quit eldership stopped reporting and have been "inactive" ever since. For me that is o k , The locals ignore me even though I still attend some meetings, entirely passive on my part. I do that to keep her company. A sister on her own has a hard time in dubland. It gives us something to do together on a Sunday & stops us going separate ways. Of course there are things that i would rather be doing, but it is good for our marriage . We have been married for over 30 years.

  Our relationship is no worse or better than it ever was. She has got over the initial shock and fear that I was going to turn into some kind of monster, as she fears that all "worldly" men are at heart. She knows better than to blab to the Elders about my internet activities, having worked out that she is better off having me not d/f'd . The extended family try to ignore the fact that I am not a Witness and just carry on the same towards us.

  So please take heart...If you can show your wife that you are reasonable, and nothing outside of the K Hall need change, perhaps she may accept the situation. I take heart myself from the experiences of those who are now joined outside by their wives, but I see no sign of that in my case.

  NB If it is your wife that wants to separate , then she may be reasoned with on the basis of 1 Cor 7.13 in which she goes directly against the "Inspired word of God" ..If I were still an elder I would tell her so. The WT only says that separation may be a last resort if the unbeliever makes it physically impossible for her to practice the faith - and you are not doing that....

  All the best...we wish you well.
• 

  Quirky1

  Bluesbrother,

  I really appreciae your post, as well as all the others. I guess while she went in field circus she had some second thoughts. After, we had already made the decision to see an attorney and go our separate ways. She wanted to talk again and I agreed. Now she wants to try to work thru it and I whole heartily agreed. I could hardly bare the thought of throwing away a 24 year relationship, in which we had always done everything together, over a religion I no longer believed in. The few hours she was gone, after making a joint decision to go our separate ways, was a very emotional time for me.

  I guess she went to the KH and done some research for separation and divorce and found out exactly what you posted was true. What a coincidence that was. I am glad she did so.

  Now if I could get her to do some more research on the religion an the WTBS. Maybe, just maybe, she will eventually see his religion for what it really is. Only time will tell. But for now I will accept, "trying to work thru it".

  Thank you,

  Quirky1
• 

  lv4fer

  Well, first of all is it really necessary for you to DA. Just fade away with your children. Why leave under their rules. Allow your wife the time to wake up and smell the coffee. It is difficult for some to just leave. I used the bible to show my husband the societies inaccurate teachings. I would just read him a scripture that was obvious and then say what do you think that means. He came to the realization on his own... with a little nudging of course from me. If she chooses to stay that doesn't mean your marriage can't survive. Though it will be difficult you both will have to give eachother space.
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  eljee

  Hi Quirky, I just joined this forum about 5 minutes ago and this is my 1st post. I am in a similar situation as you, although I have no kids. I have been doubting things for about 5 years, and finally have made up my mind to leave. I have been irregular for since Sept 07. The past few weeks have been tough for us. I went to a talk given by Gerrit Losch, and while my wife was excited about attending, I felt out of place and did not enjoy the talk... it just seemed weird to me. (I used to give the same outline... Are you marked for survival?, so I was familiar with it. This past weekend I went to a SAD and again just felt so out of place. I couldn't relate to the people in attendance, and couldn't get past Hi, how are you. But I have noticed that I have no problem starting and maintaining conversations with non-JW's. So, Sunday I decided to find out what all the fuss that the Society makes that we should not be checking out online... and my wife just freaked out and couldn't sleep on Sunday night... I've checked out a few ex-JW sites and this one seems interesting. Your post impressed me since I am going through the same thing. But my wife and I have been discussing separation for about 8 months anyway, so the only thing new is that I don't want to be a JW anymore. Feels scary and empowering at the same time. I don't know if you can send email or meesages but I would be happy to chat with you. I haven't been able to talk to anyone in the org who understands how I feel...
• 

  10p

  isn't chocolate really bad for dogs?

  my wife and I have always been very much in love - when I first stopped going to meetings, it was difficult, but love has won over adversity. she's only about 70% in now - very happy to miss the odd meeting etc, says she knows there are things that are wrong, but she isn't smart enough to figure it all out and is just trying to be loyal to god. I respect her for that, and she respects my intelligence.

  But I think its also a good time to get out of a not-so-great marriage too. I feel very lucky to have my wife - I know not all marriages are like ours.

  Not having that whole 'marriage is god's arrangment' in my mind anymore, I dont see a lot of point holding a marriage together just for the sake of it. At least at a time like this, it makes you think about your relationship seriously.
• 

  Quirky1

  eljee,

  Welcome to the board. I appreciate your input. We are still in the pondering stage if you know what I mean.

  Thanks, Quirky1
• 

  Quirky1

  10p,

  That's a real rabbit! Not Chocolate...As for the relationship....I'm gonna ride fer awhile....

  Thanks,

  Quirky1