My Fiancé Can No Longer Talk to Me Because She is Becoming a JW

by reekster 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • reekster

    I've been with someone for over ten years. Sounds like a long time to be engaged, but we were perfectly happy with the arrangement, knowing that some of the circumstances in each of our lives needed to be worked out before we could marry. One day she told me that she wanted to investigate the JWs. I didn't have a problem with it because she said she was only looking into it. Well, it's been about two years of investigation and now she says that she can't talk to or see me.

    When I asked her questions about what she believes she always said "I know I saw it in the Bible somewhere". If there was something she couldn't explain, she would say "I have to ask the sister". In our final conversation I asked her if she's read the Bible yet. She said that she read part of the Old Testament.

    The breaking off of the contact happened within a three-week period. I can't understand how she could go from being deeply in love with me for all those years to abruptly ending the relationship. What's really shocking to me is that she hasn't even read the Bible, yet she's committed enough to the beliefs and advice of the JWs to go against her love for me.

    One of the last things she said was "I feel like I will always love you". I am totally heart broken and depressed by it all.

    Does anyone have any advice? Is this standard procedure for people preparing to get baptised and become a JW?

  • sass_my_frass

    That sucks. Yes, standard procedure really. There isn't a lot you could do for her; you're more likely to drive her further in.

  • reekster


    That really makes my blood run cold hearing that it could drive her further in.

    I was hoping I could play the "our love card" (I don't mean this in a bad way) and possibly have a temporary opening to plant some seeds that might help her.

  • llbh

    Welcome Reekstar

    I am afraid this is a high mind control cult. Her love for you now is secondary to her love for Jehovah

    Living together is a big no n o

    I am afraid unless she changes her mind you may find the relationship at an end



  • BabaYaga

    I'm very sorry you are going through this, Reekster, but hello and welcome.

    Others have recommended the book by Steve Hassen, a cult expert. Though I have not read it myself, I have read some of his tips on dealing with a loved one in a cult (which is what you have happening right now.)

    His website is here:

    Best wishes (and I hope you are able to reach her, for both of your sakes)

  • reekster

    Baba - Thanks for the lead. I will check out the "Strategic Interaction Approach" on his website.

  • BabaYaga

    Okay, I have a really odd suggestion here, and others may rush in and slap me for it, but... here goes...

    At the moment, you appear to be one of "them" and with JWs it is ALL about the "us vs. them". The suggestion? Go to a few meetings. Get her hopeful... disarm her. But not to get too caught up in them yourself... be sure you spend MUCH more time doing your homework and research on this site than you do at her meetings!

    If you do this, I see two things happening:

    1: She is disarmed and temporarily no longer sees you as the enemy, giddy in hopes that you will join her, and...
    2: You, on the other hand, are armed indeed... armed with more info (direct from the horses' mouths) that you can scrutinize (and about which you may ask her cognitive dissonant questions.)

    Be certain you do your homework. Don't get sucked in. And I hate to say this, but don't have too much hope for her, either. This could take years, or not work at all.

    Sorry. Just a thought.

    Do not fight her on this. Respectfully approach it. Get her to ask her own questions... make her think the doubts are her own idea.

    All the best...

  • R.Crusoe

    The 'No Speak' doctrine is a fundamentally flawed one respecting SPEAKERS OF TRUTH!!

    But it is fundamental to their MIND CONTROL!

    Without it they are powerless which is why they keep it!

    It is a PURE POWER TOOL used by many groups to control INSIDERS AND OUTSIDERS.

    You already feel the helplessness of the situation! And it is just beginning!

    By the time this person ever gets out they will have severed all ties with outsiders thinking the people they are teaming up with are in some way more genuine.

    Hopefully they will realise that the genuine ones are just like them - being misled by a group of not so genuine invisible authoritarians.

    The genuine ones will even reject each other under this delusional grouops directive whom they will never meet - the invisible godspeakers making up rules about lives they will never touch!

    How they ever convince themselves they are godsent is hard to fathom - maybe they are all looking at each other hoping the other one is? Surely non of them truly believe they are gods own authority for planet Earth?

    That's what your friend is being groomed into believing and after baptism the only way back to normal life is complete shunning by them!

  • Princess Daisy Boo
    Princess Daisy Boo

    Have they actually tried to study with you at all? I tend to go with BabaYaga's suggestion and maybe investigate a bit with her byt for god's sake dont get sucked into the cult!

  • justhuman

    My God!!! Try to awake her up man..she doesn't know were she is heading to. There are many things to show her that Watchtower is a Mind destructive cult. Plus they are not even Christians(despite what they are saying)

    SHE IS IN A GREAT DANGER...and YOU are the ONLY one to get her out of there before is too late. There are many helpfull links regarding Jehovahs Witness thay you can use them to help her. If you want sent me a message and I will help you. I was there for 33 years and I know from first hand what they are really are...

    Try to act quickly..before she will be brain washed completely and then there is no hope

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