Hi everybody. Thank you for taking the time to share your information and advice.
You won’t believe this, but she called me today while she was on her lunch break. What happened was, last Monday I sent her a flower arrangement. I wasn’t sure if she received it so I called the florist to check on whether or not it was delivered. Well they called the florist in the local where she lives, they can’t find the record of delivery, so they call her to make sure it was delivered. Fifteen minutes after my local florist calls me to confirm the delivery, she calls me.
Our conversation covered some things about her really checking out the scriptures in context as well as references made to other sources. She was pretty convinced that what she believes is true, but I think she still listened to me a bit. We also talked about how we feel about each other and she said that she would marry me in a heartbeat if I were a JW. There was a lot of crying on both of our parts. She told me to not send her things anymore because it’s makes it hard on her. She said that she needs to move on so that she can serve Jehovah. My general impression from the conversation is that she is struggling with wanting to be with me and doing what she believes Jehovah really wants from her.
I know that I need to be careful and guard my heart.
“Do everything within your power to save her. But if she doesn’t want to listen, if she's too far down the line, then let her be for a while. “
“She'll know you love her unconditionally. This is not something that she'll EVER experience inside the organization. She may be back in your arms before you know it!”
I like the let her be for a while if necessary idea. I don’t want to be dumb and turn her off by pressuring her. Via our conversation today I know that she knows that I love her unconditionally. I don’t think that she has had an encounter to let her see that she will not experience true love from inside the organization. Yes, she may come back to be, but I’m preparing my heart for the worse, just in case.
“Make no mistake, this is a very delicate procedure, not to be undertaken like a bull in a china shop. Sometimes the best action is no-action.”
Yeah, this whole situation is tittering on an edge. The no-action phase may come into play.
“Am I the only one who thinks this is more about her than about the dubs? The circumstances you describe amounts to a pretty flimsy, but highly original, excuse for breaking off a 10-year relationship.”
You could be right, but if that’s true then I don’t know her at all. On a personal level, separate from the JWs, this would be totally out of character for her. I know anything is possible but I prefer not to go there unless I see that that is just the way it is.
“Even if she chose to come back, do you want to be in a relationship where a third party rules the roost? “
“As painful as this experience is, this may be your opportunity to think about the kind of love relationship you really want and then seek out and develop a more adult relationship with another woman - a woman who is not enticed by anyone or anything else.”
Heck no, I don’t want to feel subservient to an invisible rival in my home. If I have to think about another relationship, it will only be after I’ve given this situation my best shot. And even then it will take a while because I won’t even consider being with someone else because of the depth of the loss of this relationship.
“If you think you have a real chance at saving her, go for it, but be prepared for heartache and disappointment.”
Yep, this is pretty much where I’m at right now.
Tired of the Hypocrisy
“She will be told that leaving you is God's will and she will be rewarded with a more spiritual person for a marriage mate.”
Wow, this is a heavy one! Not that I’m not familiar with this sacrifice idea. But if this is the case it would be out of character for her to think of being with someone in the future right now.
“Do what everybody else does in a situation like this and fake a conversion. In a few years, show her your concerns and tell her why you feel the way you do. She'll listen to you more since you're the "Head of the household" (TM) rather than you just being a fiancee.”
At first I laughed out loud when I read this, but as crazy as it may sound I think that it would work. But what do I do with my beliefs for a couple of years. I really have a hard time being a fake.
“Sorry dude, your relationship is over, She is in deep.”
I know I’m crazy, but I’m a very positive person. I set my sights high and give it my best before I give up. If things become black-and-white, there’s no way it’s going to work, then I let it go. But your right, she’s in deep.
“Now, why the fluck has she not tried to get you in this paradise place? Seems that would have been #1 on her list if she felt the same about you BTW. Hate to go there but it kind of popped out at me.......this is not STANDARD PROCEDURE either.”
She was hoping that I would follow along with her. She made that clear when she was telling me that she couldn’t talk to me. She said that she was fooling herself that things would work out, that I would believe what she believed. But you know, having had the conversation today let me know that her love for me is still really strong. It may be that she still has hope.
Tell me more about the details of what exactly the formal rules and procedures are concerning a situation like ours. I really need to know the official policy.
“Oompa is right, SOP would be to try to make you guys get married. Could she have met someone she is interested in that is a JW?”
Please help with the official SOP stuff. It’s not something that at all would be like her to be interested in someone else considering our conversation today. She’s a lot like me about finding it hard to be a fake.