Not interested in marriage/romance?

by LtCmd.Lore 46 Replies latest jw friends

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  White Dove

  Flying High Now,

  That is EXACTLY what I mean. You can be involved with someone but not be required to have them disrupt your private life in your own home. I would NEVER share a bedroom with a man. He would have to have his own if he did live with me. I like my life to be as peaceful as possible without those irritations you mentioned. By the way, I think the grouchy part comes from learning it and using it to get what he wants. He knows what works. I hate that with a passion! I'd tell him to grow up and handle himself better.
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  CyrusThePersian

  Flying High Now, Hortensia, and White Dove,

  I'm a guy and I can tell you that I agree with you totally!

  I have my own house and I love the ability to do things on my own, without having someone tell me what to do or how to do it.

  That said though, I wouldn't mind a little romance here and there. No marriage though; at the end of the day I just want to go home to my own house and my own bed.

  I wonder if this attitude is a middle age thing, or is it an effect of the era we were brought up in?

  CyrusThePersian
• 

  Gopher

  Hortensia's post reminded me of a quote from the late, great actress Katharine Hepburn:

  Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
• 

  freydi

  Just the thought of adding somebody to my car insurance gives me hives.
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  Junction-Guy

  LOL, maybe Katherine Hepburn was right. I'm wondering how many marriages there are in this country where the husband and wife live apart but still remain married. Maybe space is good for some couples. Amanda and I were usually fine on vacation, but living together we always seemed to argue alot. Maybe if we had a duplex? LOL
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  wings

  Lore, I think this is a good topic. You are right. I read about all the romance and happy marriages, and I feel like a freak. Not because I don't have it, but because I don't want it.

  I'm wondering how many marriages there are in this country where the husband and wife live apart but still remain married. Maybe space is good for some couples.

  If I could have pulled off seperate living with my husband, I'd still be in it. He is a true blue JW, and this concept is too out of the box for him. I wife who won't live with you can't be trusted....you know. As far as intamacy he would be great, enough passionate kisses to last a life time. But, if I can't have him, then why try again? Too much trouble.

  I wonder if this attitude is a middle age thing, or is it an effect of the era we were brought up in?

  I wonder too. I know for me when I was younger I was so much more full of myself "I'm so young, I'm so pretty" It just was too easy. Now, I might be able to pull off "pretty for an older woman", I know that is not what I want to be any more, besides the fact that I just want to grow old gracefully and not worry about it. To actually find someone to really share your life with seems like....well too much trouble.

  Just the thought of adding somebody to my car insurance gives me hives.

  LOL, I love it. So simple, so true.
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  AlyMC

  I am invested in my relationship as it exists, but if it (for any reason) were to end... I do believe I would be opposed or disinterested in creating another relationship. I suppose I'm a bit of a loner and need a lot of space, it was something I just didn't understand about myself as a teenager when I married. He is much the same. I totally get why someone would choose that path.
• 

  IP_SEC

  Hi Lore,

  I've been not interested in romance before mostly out of being too busy and what not. Cant say I ever remember not being interested in sex.

  I know you are not a fool so please dont feel like Im talking down to you but,

  If you've never tried it, maybe you should at some point. If for no other reason than it is a human experience. Be it painful or pleasurable it will change you. It will change your perception of the human experience even if you only step back and analyze your experience and never try it again.

  In the end... It just might blow your feakin mind man!!
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  FlyingHighNow

  JG, I often think of the duplex option. I think it's a great idea, or a house with two wings and a lockable door in between. I have my own apartment now and I feel it is sacrosanct. I like being able to make family policy and so on.

  I wonder if this attitude is a middle age thing, or is it an effect of the era we were brought up in?

  CyrusThePersian

  I think that because society has dropped much of the puritan attitudes towards marriage, it enables us middle aged folks to be honest about our feelings, wants and needs. I know a lot of people at this stage and older who feel this way.

  I'm not against sex or romance at all. I am against the romance being ruined by issues of control. And that can happen even when you don't live together. I have been dating a man who is 47. When I place boundaries, he plays games. My therapist told me this is very common. I tell him he can't visit during the day, during the week. He needs to come either on one of the weekday evenings and maybe one day during the weekend. So he takes it very personally and he hardly comes over at all. I know he's still very much in serious like with me, but if I don't do things his way, he "punishes" me by not calling or coming over. He was supposed to come yesterday. I didn't hear from him on Thursday or Friday and not at all yesterday.

  When he comes during the day during the week, I don't get the responsibilities taken care of. I get behind on everything. He owns a business and has the luxury of popping in on people all week long. I don't have that luxury. My therapist says it's an issue of control with him and that it's a yellow flag.
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  freydi

  1 Corinthians 7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.