Wife filling out her "No Blood" card wants my thoughts TODAY. (page 2)

OnTheWayOut

I though would not trust her to make your decision for you.

Agreed. What I was trying to say was, "Sign your card (if that's what you must do).
Make me the emergency contact on your card. I will honor your wishes. I will also
not ask you to sign anything for me, but I will give Doctor XXX my wishes, so you won't
have to violate your conscience in an emergency."

Yes, if I were incapacitated today, she would have the power to make a decision. The
elders would rally to her side and say that I was a JW, I have always made my decision to
abstain from blood quite clear. My mother would back that up. By the time they got a hold
of my father or a court to overturn that decision, saying that I don't carry the No-Blood card
anymore, I could be dead.

I need to change that situation. I am just as guilty as the typical JW. "I just keep hoping
that this situation won't ever come up, so my loyalty to my beliefs is never tested."

blondie

I'm surprised she wants you to sign her card. Don't procrastinate. As soon as we stopped going to meetings we changed our HCPOA because jws were the alternates. We have nonjw family as alternates now. That way you won't be putting your doctor in a difficult position as well as the clinic and hospital.

Gayle

It is your "right" to be an 'emergency contact' as the husband.

blondie

"emergency contact" is not the same as being a "healthcare proxy" on a legal document.

oompa

OTWO: (She is fully aware that I don't want to go to meetings and fairly
well aware that I think WTS is a mind-control cult.)

FAIRLY AWARE!?!?....FAIRLY AWARE!?!?...... I thought she was clearly aware by now???? Set her straight man! As far as the card........You can certainly tell her you would always respect her decision.....that does not mean you have to go along with it!!!! If she is at deaths doors heaven forbid....you can do what the hell you need to....and still respect her wishes...just not honor them.......oompa

momzcrazy

I had my DPA form filled out and my sister was my proxy. Yet the doctors spoke to my husband only once he had arrived. He was the only one they would communicate with. He was the one who would have ultimately made the final decision. When my husband got there my sister and all the Witnesses completely backed off and let him handle it. So if I had gotten blood it wouldn't have been my decision because I was comatose. Long story short: the doctors would have allowed my husband's decision to override the DPA.

momz

OnTheWayOut

Oompa, let's not derail the subject.

I told my wife what I think of WTS awhile back. Most of our discussions are here on JWD,
just look at my topic history. She chooses to be comfortable in her JW world and not clearly
apply it all or forgets some of it. I trust her not to run to the elders with information on me, but
that involves not putting my feelings IN HER FACE again and again.

I am being cautious to avoid the DF for my mother's sake. Hell, I could probably go ahead and
DA, tell my wife exactly what I think, and keep my mother from shunning me.
WHAT GOOD WILL THAT DO? Will I be able to make more headway with my wife or mother?
No, I don't think so. I will leave her at "fairly well aware" and keep giving WTS little jabs here
and there for now.

blondie

momz, it is important to talk about it with your doctor, the clinic and the hospital, to those handling the legal matters. Be sure your proxy is willing to handle their legal responsibilities with some aggressiveness.

undercover

Here's how I've reasoned on the blood issue when dealing with a JW mate: Let's reverse the situation...what if you were in an emergency situation and you had previously made your wishes known that you would want blood if necessary? Wouldn't you want your spouse to honor that request, no matter how much they disagreed with it? It is your life after all.

So the same would be for your mate. It is their life.

If my wife decides to not accept blood under any circumstances, I would honor that request, no matter how much I disagree with it or how much it would hurt to watch helplessly.

I would want to be listed as the emergency contact on any documents, including healthcare proxy directives. I would defend her right to choose her healthcare, though I may disagree with it and I would expect the same consideration if/when I'm in a similar situation.

OnTheWayOut

Undercover, my man. I sure missed you.

Have you like taken 2 months off? Glad I dragged you back.

I would like to say what you said, but I don't really think I would honor my words when it comes down to
the situation. I deeply feel that my wife's decision is just the manipulation of the WTS and it's laying a
guilt trip on her. She wouldn't want to die if she really understood that WTS is wrong about the blood
issue. She just wants to serve God properly.

I don't feel that most JW's would honor the wishes of their UBM if they are firm believers. Fortunately,
most are wavering and would allow their mate's wishes to be carried out.

I will be glad to take more discussion on honoring her wishes, but I haven't been won over to actually
doing it. I am still in the camp to "promise to do it" and then say "I caved in to pressure."

Wife filling out her "No Blood" card wants my thoughts TODAY.

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