Wife filling out her "No Blood" card wants my thoughts TODAY.

by OnTheWayOut 38 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  oompa

  OTWO: I told my wife what I think of WTS awhile back. Most of our discussions are here on JWD,
  just look at my topic history.

  Peace bro......I have read many, many of your posts of conversations with your wife, especially cause you and I are in the exact same boat. I was of the impression that she was more than just "fairly aware" of you position. I agree that you can not keep hitting her hard in the face wth it....just little jabs now and then that I hope will work on my wife and son.....

  Now what did you think of my "always respect your position" point regarding you wife and blood? I thinks she would buy that........oompa
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  As far as the card........You can certainly tell her you would always respect her decision.....that does not mean you have to go along with it!!!!

  I am in your camp. That's part of what I want to know from you all. Do you agree with this or disagree?
  Undercover is in the "disagree" camp. Mary is in the "agree" camp. You get the idea.

  I don't judge UC or Mary or Oompa or Blondie or anyone who has a different or same opinion.
  I have gone both ways on this. I have had private discussions with some of you, Blondie included,
  that I am not sure which way to go. I want you all, just like the WT used to do, to make my
  decisions for me. The difference though, is that I will examine what you say and just let you
  sway me, not just follow you blindly. In other words, your opinions matter to me, I want to know
  what others think.
• 

  oompa

  I see nothing wrong with my postion, HOWEVER.....do not worry too much over this as the odds it will ever come up are extreme.........oompa
• 

  Open mind

  Excellent viewpoints to chew on so far.

  1. If you feel pretty strongly that you would rather save your wife and take whatever comes after the fact, then go with being her primary emergency contact. If there's even a little bit of hesitation or uncertainty on your part though, she'll have a local elder be her primary contact person, IMO.

  2. I would have trouble allowing my wife to die for her beliefs, high-controlled as they may be, if she was leaving behind pre-teen children. Our kids are teens, so it makes it a little more grey for me. Not saying teens don't need Moms, they're just getting closer to adulthood.

  Viewpoints were all over the map when I posed a similar question on JWD a while back. Here's the link if you want to take a look.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/134892/1.ashx

  Take care OTWO,

  OM
• 

  Witness 007

  Witnesses can choose to use blood fractions since NOW it's a conscience matter...where do these fractions come from? THE BLOOD BANK!! What would happen to me if I was seen giving blood to the blood bank??? Disfellowshipping, loss of privledges!!! I CAN TAKE BLOOD BUT IT'S A SIN TO GIVE BLOOD??? Hemophiliac Witnesses use many, MANY bags of blood for one single treatment of clotting fractions. Yet Witness donate 0 litres of blood every year!! THIS IS OUR VERSION OF THE TRINITY DOCTRINE the more you argue, the more you make less sense, the more you go round in circles. Witness Doctors and Nurses CAN give Transfusions as part of their jobs {look it up}....is'nt this like helping commit fornication? {Acts 15} "Pour the blood on the ground" Yeah right! When was the last time you handed your butcher a blood card when buying meat. Watchtower says if you don't ask your conscience should not bother you. {Pauls letters!!} Yet for medical treatments you need to ASK and plan months in advance, sign forms, speak to medical staff, make arrangements with realatives, seek alternatives, etc. etc. etc. yet the bible says Not to EAT blood, but to us now, that's just SECONDARY...not sooo important as medical treatments.

  If your wife won't believe you...sign up the card, if something happens kick out the H.L.C and take matters into your own hands.
• 

  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  Pretend, then 'cave'. It's not just her life, it's yours too that'll be irreparably changed if she were to die. My short story:

  At the age of 19, I experienced great blood loss in 1988 after a motorcycle accident, Oct 23. All hospital forms had been signed, then a few days later, some smartass elder said we needed a POA signed by witnesses so that NO ONE could change his or her mind when things became worse, and things were getting worse everyday, my parents and close friends were beside themselves. My H&H counts went so low, my parents were told several times over a couple of days to call family and friends in, that it might end soon. Surgery to repair damage was not possible without blood transfusions--open reduction of a femur is accompanied by lots and lots of blood loss. (After I got home, on my dad's desk calendar he had written down everyday what my hematocrit and hemoglobin counts had dropped to--I have that, I'll post that info one day.)

  Panicked, my dad wanted to do a POA right then, at that moment the only 2nd witness present to sign was my un-baptized but studying, sister-in-law. Now, she's my ex-SIL and never was baptized and we're great friends. We talked about that time recently, for the first time, she said she would have never forgiven herself if I had died, and she thinks she might have given in when it came down to it.

  After 11 days, my internal bleeding stopped/blood count started to rise, simply because by chance it did, NO thanks to anyone. I had surgery on Nov 9 and left the hospital on Nov 15. I was, no, I am, simply fortunate.
• 

  worldtraveller

  If my wife wished no blood transfusion I would respect that. So long as she is in charge of her facilities, it is HER life. However I could not ever be part of a murder/suicide. If she could no longer make a decision because of a coma or such, I would without a doubt do authorize a transfusion. This is a decision that NO ONE ELSE should interfere with. As spouses go, the spouse has final decision. Period. Hospitals should never allow non immediate family around the patient. This is truly ghoulish.

  To those who refuse to "eat blood" I am still waiting to find out if any became a vegetarian. After all isn't that what the true meaning of that phrase is? My JW associate will not answer my querie.

  BTW-wife is not a Witness.
• 

  noontide

  OTWO this is a very hard decision, one I hope you never have to make. However, upon reading your thoughts one word came to mind, and that was “betrayal”. Would your wife feel betrayed by your actions? On one hand she would be alive (great thing) on the other if she truly believes in what the Watch Towers says then she will be riddled with guilt. Even if you took all the blame and the responsibility, she would still feel like she did something wrong. She could then view your act of kindness and love as a betrayal to her, her beliefs, her faith and her God. How long before she would begin to resent you? Would her resentment towards you ever go away? Dare I say, how long before her resentment turns into hate? I understand your love for your wife, but if your wife really believes in her faith you could save her physically, but destroy her mentally and emotionally. You know very well how deep the JW psychology runs. I guess it all depends on the person, but from what I have seen, most JW believers have a way of wrapping things in their minds that can destroy them one way or another when a crisis arises. It sucks, but they somehow feel pride in making decisions that to others may seem strange, or even dangerous. Again, I hope you never have to make a decision like this. But you should consider and perhaps even respect her wishes, no matter how painful they may be to you. For now, I wish you and your wife long, happy and healthy lives!
• 

  BluesBrother

  My wife is "in " as well. She is so determined to never have blood that she has also one of those "no blood" keyrings, bought privately. I would expect to be notified as a next of kin if she had an accident.

  I am resolved that if the worst ever happens, I will respect her wishes regarding the treatment to her own body. That may not be right for everybody but in our case, she has been so resolved for around 40 years , we have no children to consider, I think it is only right to let her decision be respected.

  I wear a Medical Alert pendant with a message that says that in an emergency and my life threatened, I consent to blood treatments despite my wife's possible objections. There is a Living Will in my medical records saying the same thing. So she would not have the decision to make.

  If we were younger, if circumstances were different, then I would have no conscience about saying now that I would refuse it for her but accepting it if the worst ever happened.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Noontide, I asked for all input, and yours is valid. Here's how I feel about that.

  There are people who refuse to leave the danger zone when a hurricane or similar disaster is
  about to hit. Still, many in authority force them out. They are resented. Many of those that
  resent it feel better when the home they lived in was destroyed. Some never get over it, because
  they lost a pet when they thought they might could live through it, or they missed a great
  wave to surf on. Still, they are alive.

  I agree that there is a big risk factor that she will feel betrayed. But she will be alive. I don't
  think I am placing my feelings before hers. I don't think that I am cold and ignorant of her possible
  resentment. But if I make a decision based on the probabability that I won't be forgiven, it is my
  belief that that would make me a selfish person, not the other way around. If I were a selfish
  person, I could say she will die and I get the house and the bank account, or I can intervene and
  she will hate me, file for separation and take half the house and the bank account. Therefore, let
  her die. NO WAY.

  I hope she doesn't feel that way, but if she does, she does. A life is worth saving. I think WTS is
  already warping her mind. Either this situation will let her wallow more in that feeling or (more likely)
  she will see how their blood doctrine is not in accord with love. Her family (in my case) will be glad
  she was saved by blood and they will help her not to be destroyed over this disobedience. If not, she
  will place the blame on me and maintain her sanity. Let her hate me, but at least she's alive.

  I have come to think that I would give my life to save that of another, even a stranger. I feel that strong.
  How could I give my life for my wife, but not be willing to sacrifice half my stuff and take on her
  resentment before I save her life?

  Sorry for the rant. Your point is well received, I have considered it.