Who leaves first, the husband or wife?

by snugglebunny 74 Replies latest jw friends

  • life is to short
    life is to short

    I left and my husband is still in. It is all so clear to me that it is a cult. I was a born in my husband is a convert. To me it is just amazing that he can still believe with everything that he as seen and that has happened to us. I also know that the religion is more deeper ingrained in me than him also as it was all I have ever known. He was in the world and has more education, etc.

    I just do not get it. I do not feel it is a man versus women way of thinking. I think it is just using your brain period. JW's don't. If they did they would see it is a cult, but they will not think that is the whole problem. They let others think for them.


  • Bugbear

    Interesting thread….

    In my case I faded and Dfd. Over 15 years ago. But my wife still in. I think she knows about the TTATT, but doesn’t want to speak about it (cognitive dissonance?).. Here is my theory about why…

    There is a small difference between males and females… Females know that they are responsible for given birth to children!. They often also understand what is expected from them, to raise these children and keep them alive till they can take care of themselves. This is of course an overwhelming task for a single mum. Therefore her first whishes is to find security. This in a cave with a man or in a female cooperative !!! Unsecure women know that men can´t be trusted…They need social security and lots of “friends” that they can trust. The “sisters” in any congregation offers gladly this support. This naturally if they can have the same support in respond. This pattern of “sisterhood” is not only valid amongst humans. You could trace this amongst almost any mammals. Elephants, dohlphins, lions, chimpanzees and humans.

    The congregations offers a secure place with strict rules. Therefore it is life important that you keep to the rules, behave like your “sisters” or mums tells you, keep your veil on, your long black dress on, don´t wear tight pants…..

    This is something I have been ponder about during 20 years being the father of 4 marvelous girls..

    Any have a comment?


  • snugglebunny

    I agree that women are indeed excellent drivers.

  • TD

    It's not a question of "Emotional" vs. "Rational" That's insulting to women.

    Women as a group are more religious than men. This extends across all cultures, all income brackets and all levels of education.

    There are entire books on the subject, but I don't think anyone really knows why. Some have theorized that the social connections are more important.

  • EdenOne

    In our case, I woke up first but for the sake of family, I stayed. I noticed my son had issues with the JW's teachings and reassured that I would never turn his back on him should he one day decide to take a different path in his life. So, when he was 16 he informed us that he no longer wanted to be a JW. Few months later, my wife got me in trouble with the Elders for an essay I wrote. Despite the "apostate" label I carried from then on (that eventually led to a JC later), and my wife knowing my thoughts about the Org and the "truth", I persisted in staying for the sake of family and friends we had in. Then, it was my wife's turn to wake up after a night of insomnia led her to go online and be shocked with the paedophilia problem within the Org. Next morning, she told me she would never go back to the meetings. Henceforth, we never went back. This decision from my wife was blamed on me ever since, and this unleashed a JC for apostasy. I was able to successfully defend myself and I was only "reproved". So:

    1) Husband first gets mentally out but stays in for the sake of the family.

    2) Son gets mentally out, and then takes a stand to leave.

    3) Wife suddenly gets mentally out and takes a stand to leave.

    4) Having accomplished the deliverance of his family from the cult, the father also takes a stand to leave.


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