Who leaves first, the husband or wife?

by snugglebunny 74 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  freemindfade

  I cannot believe men are still churning out the bullshit about they are more rational and women are more emotional.

  I gotta back OneEyedJoe here, its not a effort to say men and when are not equal, but that we are definitely wired differently, if you work in any kind of advertising or anything that deals with tapping into psychology that is undeniable. No one is saying one is better than the other, and I know men that are super emotional and women who are the opposite and everything in between, but as a large group you can't deny we are just not the same.

  We should not fall into the bias of saying that "men and women are exactly the same" because biologically we just aren't. Again not a question of one being better than the other or not equal .

  Also the thing that may keep men in may actually be different than women all together. Men may feel insecure abut their masculinity by the way they are treated. If you aren't an elder are you a man? So a lot of insecure men, or ones who haven't outgrown that and feel they must prove something this becomes their F.O.G.
• 

  lurkernomore

  In our case we woke up together :)
• 

  3rdgen

  Hubby stopped attending before I but he was not mentally out. He carefully shared his doubts with me and helped me think. Yet I was the first to see the TTATT partly because I had more time to research.

  I am much more emotional than he so when I became mentally out I wanted to immediately DA and shout it from the rooftop. He reigned me in kicking and screaming. He insisted that we do nothing to arouse suspicion in order to keep our freedom of speech with JWs.
• 

  freemindfade

  Don't fall into the straw man fallacy and say OneEyedJoe is trying to devalue women because I don't believe either of us were saying that at all. There is science behind women and mens processing of emotion.
  

  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2919083/Male-female-brains-really-wired-differently-Study-finds-women-far-affected-emotional-images.html
  

  Don't make it a case of devaluing one gender.
  
• 

  Oubliette

  OEJ: women, for instance, demonstrate a much greater ability to multitask

  Multitasking is a myth:

  • The Myth Of Multitasking (NPR)
  • The Myth of Multitasking (Psychology Today)
  • The Myth of Multitasking And What It Means For Learning (Forbes)
  • 12 Reasons to Stop Multitasking Now! (Health)
• 

  Xanthippe

  Quoting from the the Daily Mail, the epitome of bigotry. Really?

  By the way further to excellent thoughts from Oub, multitasking comes from computing terminology. It means running more than one program at a time. GIYF.
• 

  Magwitch

  I don’t know which one leaves first but I have noticed it is much easier for a women to leave

  I do not usually comment when I do not agree with something. But, this thread seems to be going in a direction that is hard to swallow.

  For a decade I was planning my escape from the cult. This was not some emotional feeling I had during my period! I was middle aged, uneducated,penniless from years and years in full time service, no work experience and two young girls to protect. I knew I would lose every person I ever was friends with along with my home and marriage. Most days in those 10 years the only option for getting out seemed to be either live on the streets or suicide. It was a calculated escape that was anything but easy.
• 

  snugglebunny

  Just my fourpennyworth, but when I decided to leave my then wife had a blue fit. A few months later she ran off with a sailor and the matter was taken care of by her getting disfellowshipped.
• 

  freemindfade

  Basically the tools used to keep anyone in (regardless of gender) work the same way for both. The question from OP we don't know the answer for sure. And each person will have their own experience in escaping the same cult system.

  My own person case and I won't comment outside that. Just for me and my wife. When it comes to questionig this religion it gets an emotional response from men and women but from her she's cries and gets extremely angry and returns to same emotionally based reasons for faith.

  Religion is an emotional thing so anyone (of either gender) with stronger reaction to emotional triggers of learning TTATT will react the same. Those willing to detach will take those steps.
• 

  James Mixon

  I was thinking about all the brothers that came in around the time I did, the early 60's. We were all 1st generation. Once they saw what the organization was about (a man organization), they jumped in with both feet. Most of the brothers were control freaks, their marriage was on the rocks. This was a great organization for their ego. So most of the men that became elders are still in today or dead.