Who leaves first, the husband or wife?

by snugglebunny 74 Replies latest jw friends

  • snugglebunny
    When it comes to a simple matter of no longer believing the teachings of JW's, it appears to me that it's more common for the husband to make the first move to leave the religion.
  • _Morpheus

    An interesting question...... Along with it should be "why"? I do know its not always the husband though.. Blondie has mentioned it was she who awoke first, and im sure i have read others like it but id love to see an informal poll. I tend to think husbands may see things as elders that make them think and awaken but thats my personal bias speaking. Wifes may be subject to unjust treatment and thus awaken... They may also not be as invested as a male who has congregation responsiblities.

    My rational mind says its likely subjective to the individuals in the couple but again i would love to see the informal poll results.....

    in my case its obviously me who awoke first and there is little chance if any of the person im obligated too legally ever awaking

  • Magwitch
    I woke up in my 30's, but stuck it out till my 40's when it was obvious my (now ex) husband would never wake up. It was his extreme fanaticism in the religion that really woke me up. There was no common sense in our way of life.....it all became so stupid.
  • minimus
    The husband takes the lead as the head.
  • minimus
    Unless the wife is smarter than he us.
  • _Morpheus

    So far we have

    husband -1

    wife -1

  • DwainBowman

    Talk to a layer before leaving, when you leave the house, you give up lots of rights, that you may regret. When you move out, it's easy for the remaining spouse to claim abandonedment, and the can of worms is not easy to unopen! Just because the spouse says go, dose not mean you have to!


  • Giordano

    I brought it up to my wife first but it turns out she never really believed in the JW religion she was going along with it for my sake.

    Call that a tie or push?

  • _Morpheus

    @Dwainbowman, i suspect you didnt read the OP as your reply dosent address the type of leaving being discussed

    @gio- lol hard call and not my OP anyway.

    for my unofficial count im going to score it as a "wife left first, husband mentioned it first"

    husband - 1

    wife - 1

    wife mentally out first but husband spoke out first - 1

    husband mentally out first but wife spoke out first - 0

  • Oubliette

    I know of two families where both the husband and wife left. In one case it was the husband that woke up first, in the other it was their daughter. It took mom and dad a few years to follow. Eventually the whole family got out.

    That being said, I know of three other families where the husband has faded but the wife is still "mentally in" and attends meetings.

    I know of two other families where the parents stayed but one or more children left or are in the process of leaving.

    My case is like Magwitch's only with the gender roles reversed. I think that brings this completely non-scientific study to:

    • Husband: 6
    • Wife: 1
    • Son/daughter: 5


    That being said, I know my anecdotal knowledge is skewed because I do not associate with female ex-JWs.


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