as witnesses who were deeply indoctrinated. we accepted ALL of jehovah's witness teachings as a total package, it was "THE TRUTH"
there were no cracks in our armor that would allow other ideas, doctrines or thoughts to seep in.
the more "spiritual" a person is in "the truth" only means the more control the WTBTS has over thier (our) mind.
very intelligent people have been and are under the control of the watchtower (the magazine and the organization behind it) we (they) have been conditioned to believe that
the watchtower talks for God.
the watchtower TELLS us they talk for god.
God talks to us through them.
going against the watchtower is going against god himself.
this is what many of us have been conditioned to think.
a "spiritual" (controlled) person sincerely believes
- he/she is carrying out God's wishes by not thinking, doubting or questioning.
- everything is good or evil (black or white)
- he/she is never good enough
- god will take care of everything
- goes to all meetings, assemblies, field service as told
- you should not compromise
- he/she has the only true religion
when the day comes, it could be a crisis in our life or a gentle intervention by a concerned friend...or the faintest of little voices in our head (we didn't even realize we had a voice) we question something we read in the watchtower.
ashamed of our questioning, or curious...we do research.
we find a thread of information that validates that the watchtower made a mistake. for the first time, we think. (yes WE think) maybe the watchtower isn't right on everything. *gasp*
this leads us to wonder (still thinking) maybe there is something else they are wrong on. *gasp* no, it can't be. thus the crack in our belief system begins, eventually, piece by piece our jehovah's witness "suit of armor" disintegrates to nothing.
this leaves us shaken, vulnerable and alone. all of us have been there. many of us are still there.
what you have experienced is the death of your religion.
here is where it gets tricky. as with any death, there is a period of mourning and adjustment. how long you recover is personal. for a few, the wound runs too deep and they may never recover. for most, we travel through a dark tunnel of emotions and break free when we finally see the light at the end.
while we are still in this emotional tunnel of recovery...the last thing that is on our mind is joining another religion. this is where the bathwater analogy comes in (long intro, aren't you glad you waited?)
we were so conditioned (brainwashed) into thinking that jehovah's witnesses own "the truth," that when we discover they DON'T, we dismiss ALL religion as NON-TRUTH. essentially, we throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Here is the key. As these old etchings show..."Be careful not to discard something of value with something that is of no value."
The natural reaction to this unnatural situation we face is to turn away from everything. We were in an unhealthy, dysfunctional and abusive religion. We were brainwashed into believing ALL or NOTHING. So, order us up a large heapingful of NOTHING please.
Eventually, as we heal emotionally and mentally we also begin to heal spiritually. We come to understand that RELIGION is created by human beings. It is only a tool. If we free ourselves of RELIGION we are open to explore SPIRITUALITY. OUR OWN SPIRITUALITY.
Here's another tricky crossroad. Spirituality may mean different things to different people. Basically, I am suggesting that we are more than physical beings. That without a healthy spirituality we are missing a part of ourselves. I am suggesting that spirituality is closely related to the energy and thoughts that give us life and make us human. Wherever this energy comes from. Our thoughts/spirituality takes us deeper within to explore ourselves or can connect us to a higher form of energy, force or power. spirituality can include some or all of the following:
- Meaning – significance of life; making sense of situations; deriving purpose.
- Values – beliefs, standards and ethics that one cherishes.
- Transcendence – experience, awareness, and appreciation of a "transcendent dimension" to life beyond self.
- Connecting – increased awareness of a connection with self, others, God/Spirit/Divinity, and nature/Nature.
- Becoming – an unfolding of life that calls for reflection and experience; including a sense of who one "is" and how one knows.
i am currently trying to figure out what i believe. it is a long process that may take the rest of my life. it has been over seven years since i was an active witness. i am sure i have been through every stage of recovery...except the healing stage. (maybe i am there now)
my purpose in writing this is perhaps i can save some of you precious recovery time. If you are currently a jehovah's witness with doubts and wonder if jehovah's witnesses aren't the truth, then who is?
those words... "whom shall we go away to?"... are meant to scare you into NOT thinking. to MAKE you think there is NOTHING else.
i am one small voice and i am speaking up.
it is time to start THINKING for yourself.
it isn't easy and there isn't ONE answer to every question.
if you are ready to move on. if you are ready to change your situation. just know that you are NOT ALONE. You don't have to throw away EVERYTHING you have been taught. There are some valuable life lessons who have made you who you are today. Your life and experiences are there to fall back on and share with others.
Human Labels should not define you:
Jehovah's Witness, Ex-Jehovah's Witness, APOSTATE, DISFELLOWSHIPPED, DISASSOCIATED, INACTIVE.
YOU ARE YOU. Change begins in YOUR MIND.