Talking to non-baptized teenagers about sex. Ideas sought.

by Open mind 36 Replies latest members adult

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    The good news: My kids are in Public Schools. (Sometimes referred to as "Pubic Schools" by a few holier-than-thou Home Schoolers in our area. My kids know about STDs and condoms. Believe it or not, the sex ed curriculum in our area actually encourages abstinence for teens.

    More good news: Our family, my JW-loyal wife included, is pretty open about discussing sex. In fact, I think my wife and I probably "gross out" our kids fairly regularly both in words and open displays of affection. At least they're not going to get a repressed, Victorian attitude about sex from us. Well...... except for....the "M" word.

    We've never really discussed this as a family, nor do I want to, as there's no way I'm gonna endorse the WT "anti-masturbation" message.

    Any suggestions on how I can let my kids know they won't "go blind"? I Wikipedia'd "Masturbation" and it's got a pretty good article, but to be honest, I think my kids might be repelled by the drawing of a guy "burping the worm" right at the start of the article.

    So, any ideas on pros and cons of discussing masturbation? Suggested articles or websites to ("wink, wink") sort of direct them to?

    I was thinking of something like this as a private discussion with each of my kids:

    "Hey Johnny/Mary, does your school talk about masturbation in the sex ed training?" (I'm thinking they don't. One of the euphemisms for masturbation in the Wikipedia article was "Firing the Surgeon General" after Joycelyn Elders famous career-torpedoing quote.) "Well, here's the deal. You don't have to say anything if you don't want, but I need to let you know a couple of things, OK? My parents never really talked to me about sex. They just let me figure things out on my own.

    "First off, did you know the Watchtower says masturbation is wrong? (Allow for response. Sounds like a TMS demo doesn't it? ) Did you know the Bible never specifically mentions it? Do you know what virtually the entire medical world says about it? Do you know what will happen if you do it and just keep it to yourself? (You'll feel good. Jehovah won't care. It's none of me and mom's business. And it's certainly not the elder's business.) Do you know what will happen if you do it, start feeling guilty for some reason and tell someone and they tell the elders? (Not sure exactly what I'll say about that. Still thinking.) Or if you do it and you accidentally tell a JW and they tell the elders? Officially JWs say masturbation is wrong. And they try to prove it from the Bible, but it's not specifically mentioned. Practically, it's "DONT ASK, DON'T TELL."

    Whatta ya think of this approach?

    Also, how about discussing sex in general with both male and female teens? Ideas?

    BTW, so far, it looks like my kids are all either heterosexual or doing a real good job of staying in the closet, FWIW.

    Any stories of successes or dismal failures of bad parenting are welcome.

    Just try not to get this thread locked, OK.

    Thanks.

    Open Mind

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    I'm sure your kids would be happy to explain anything you'd like know, Om.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    With a whole 2 minutes to compose that, I knew you'd have some weighty words of wisdom for me Nvr.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    There are expert videos and books on the subject. I would quickly view and read such and
    decide what you want to do. I don't have a source, but I imagine a smart guy could google
    and find them. You really need to totally avoid using the WT materials- but you might know that.

    As far as masterbation is concerned, that is a tough call. See what the experts online or where
    you find those videos and books say. I think this needs to get addresses. The WT view is still
    that you go blind if you touch yourself, but lightning strikes them if another person touches you.
    Sorry I am not much help.

    Childlessly sincere, OTWO

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    Just keepin' it real, my brother.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Nvr:

    Just keepin' it real, my brother.

    Well, I'm sure glad you're not implying that I've ever grasped the Holy Handle while harboring impure thoughts!! I was an ELDER for many years I'll have you know!!!

    Phew!! Glad we got that straightened out.

    Open Mind

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    Just sayin' that your kids probably know more about it than you'd like to realize.

    Sorry for not being more clear.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    OTWO,

    Thanks for your sincere comments. I know it's gonna be difficult with a couple horny adolescents like me and Nvr running around.

    I know there's plenty of good info out there. I was looking for input from ex-JWs though, since there's the whole cult pressure aspect thrown into the mix.

    Still waiting for ideas from the gallery. (Peanut and otherwise)

    Open Mind

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Nvr:

    They might and they might not. They've been all over the map on other issues. Ranging from extremely wordly-wise to incredibly naive.

    I'm hoping they're ignorant of the WT message and have picked up some good info from trustworthy sources. But I don't think I should just leave it to chance. There's plenty of unhealthy, unrealistic viewpoints out there too. I hope they're all learning to relieve tensions and learn about their changing bodies in healthy, non-damaging ways.

    Open Mind

  • Scully
    Scully

    Here's a site that I refer my late teen/early 20s patients to: http://www.sexualityandu.ca/home_e.aspx

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