It's official (family-wise) I am an apostate

by RisingEagle 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • RisingEagle

    I was having lunch last week with my mom and she dropped the a-word on me. My mom started off the lunch speaking about what a disappointment I was to her that my wife and I had put our little girl into a Christian private school. I posted on an earlier thread that my wife and I now have a 6 year old beautiful little girl that we're adopting. I live in area of town in which the neighborhood public schools are a scary place, so that leaves 3 options: private schools that are all run by some religious affiliation, homeschooling or lying about my address and enrolling her into one of the suburban cities school system. My jw mom was the one who suggested using her address to enroll her into the public school system in her town, but I won't lie. Homeschooling is not an option because of our jobs, so we opted for a private school.

    About 3 bites into lunch she tells me that by enrolling her into a 'Christian' school I am now an apostate and asked me if I had looked up apostasy in the reasoning book. She also said that she could cut my older brother some slack (he also enrolled his kids in Christian private schools years ago) because he was never baptized. She would not 'go easy' on me or my wife because, "You were both baptized and swore to serve jehovah."

    There was an earlier thread that asked if one would be any good at debating with a jw and I guess my answer with this particular jw would have to be 'no'. I just got quiet. Not because of guilt or the need to try and maintain the relationship with the family still inside, my wife and I are ready to DA if an elder so much as looks in our general direction, but because of pity. I felt pity that in one breath she would suggest lying and then condemn the two of us (or three since my wife and I are taking down our soon to be daughter) for pursuing a safe meaningful education for a six year old.

    My only response to her was, "If you think that in the last 13 years of us not attending meetings that the worst sin I've committed is enrolling a six year old girl in a Christian school, you're sadly mistaken" and that, "I think the hard part for you is that when I walk out the door of this restaurant nothing changes for me and everything changes for you."

    You want to know the weird part? I really expected her to cease contact with me after that but she's been to the house twice and my phone rings numerous times a day from her.

  • LoverOfTruth

    Sounds like you what you said got through to her.

  • horrible life
    horrible life

    Eagle, My parents sent my sister to a Christian school. Ho!!and Ha!! in Tu!sa. The even got tution help through the school. They loved it, her being a JW. They were able to put it in all of the brochures, that they cater to all religions. The only thing was morning worship, and she got out of that. The elders didn't say a thing. It was quality education, and she was doing nothing religious.

  • RisingEagle

    Horrible, it sounds like you had some generous elders in that part of T-town. We're not going to put those kind of limits on our daughters school experience. It would remind me to much of my own super ultra-fabulous wonderful (tongue-firmly-in-cheek) times in school when I was yanked out when the kiddies would do anything remotely religious or political. You know the scenario: sitting down while the kids said the pledge and having them stare more at you than at the flag or being sent to the library during a classroom birthday party, holiday party or Christmas play practice.

    That reminds me, I forgot to answer your question about if our new varmint likes steak. She loves it. She came to us from Texas so I'm pretty sure she was weaned on steak.

    Chris (Yeah ya'll can call me Chris, howdy!)

  • jwfacts

    My Dad was PO and sent me to a Private School for no other reason than the education was better, so sending your daughter to a private school is a far cry from being an apostate.

    My response to the comment "You were both baptized and swore to serve jehovah" is "I have never stopped serving Jehovah, I just came to realise following the WTS has nothing to do with Jehovah". However, I am not quite as tactful as you sound. I let my parents know exactly how I feel, and now am not sure they are any better off for it.

  • horrible life
    horrible life

    Eagle, my sister is 16 years younger than me, so I wasn't around much. Boy do I remember the go to the office days, having everybody looking at you, talking about you. OMG, witness parents must wear it like a badge, making their kids go through that. My parents didn't even pick us up when the parties started.

    Just tell your mom, that she will be exempt from any pagan idol worshipping. LOL (hope her heart is Ok)

    I had to go sit in the office, for all to see, like I was in trouble, waiting to see the principal. Kids would even come in, offering the secretary's cookies.

    Your new daughter, is going to have a great life, just like my daughter. FUN FUN FUN (She is a good little Methodist) Try to do the Girl Scout thing, And teach her to stand when the flag comes down the street in a parade.

    I'll check my calendar with dates, and get back with you on the beef.

  • Vernon Williams
    Vernon Williams

    Good for you!!

    From experience, both my own and my children's: being a JW kid just sucks. I am watching life through the eyes of a five year old, now, as he celebrates birthdays, Christmas, etc. It is so exciting, and, surprising at first, a spiritual blessing. Not having your little one around this whacked out cult with thier anti social, anti sanity heart/mind set is the greatest gift you could give her.


  • PinTail

    Keep loving your mom by keeping in contact with her for as long as she will let you. Remember the scripture to love your mother and father that it may go well with you, and may endure a long time upon the earth," Jehovah will bless you greatly, for always remembering your mother and father by granting you peace with them some how.

  • The-Borg

    Well done Eagle, sounds like that little girl is lucky to have you as parents. I'm finding too it's best to be true to yourself in these situations, trying to make the glove fit for someone else will only cause inner conflict and turmoil as many witnesses are finding out. Keep up the good work.

  • sass_my_frass

    I read the title and thought 'bummer dude' because I know what a sentence that is, but no, your mum is just playing games. Actually in a while you'll think that the word is a joke and it won't give you the creeps to think that some people think it applies to you. It's just a perception thing.

    Anyway, mums are a problem. My folks are the only people in my family who haven't cut me off and on one hand I'm grateful, on the other, it's a constant trial. I'm just giving it lots of time, letting them work through it. In a few years I think we'll have found an equilibrium in which we'll be able to tolerate each others company and get through a visit just ignoring the massive elephant in the room (to them it's the atheism, to me it's the emotional brutality).

    I far prefer life when I am able to forget that I ever had a family. My new people are so much better. Be a great family man - that's the real stuff of life! Whenever mum phones, just insist on a fun-only rule. Tell her that if she can't say anything nice today you're going to have to hang up because you're in too good a mood.

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