How Would You Handle Your Daughter Dating A Different Ethnic Person?

by minimus 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • yknot

    I agree with most of the post, the issue you state seems more to be of character and agenda rather then ethnicity.

    Why is she down there anyways?

    Does she have job/internship there?

    Is this an extended vaction/ infatuation /fling?

    Who is paying for this Island Adventure?

    Suggestions to the parents?

    Easy....... play along.

    Invite them to dinner/ weekends. Have Dad grill him about his finances, job, education, ambitions, social values, morals, RELIGION, polictical ideology, what type of wedding, where they will live, what the culture is down there regarding marriage, does he have health insurance, is he saving for retirement and what his plans are for retirement later in life, how many children would he like to have, will the daughter be able to be a stay-at-home mom or does he expect her to work, does he like football, can he BBQ, explain that marriage is sacred to their family and not to be entered into lightly. Ask why he thinks his previous marriage broke up (this will the most telling-if he totally blames her then he is a loser, if he takes responsibility then proceed with more questioning) Have dad tell him how precious the daughter is and have him make it clear that if someone was to use her or break her heart, well dad just doesn't know what he would do. If all this doesn't scare him off....then repeat again more or less two weekends a month. After all this person might become family. So of course the parents want to develop an family like bond with the young man in question. If the man is shady and looking for $$$$ 6 months or less of this will rid you of him. If he is looking for citizenship via marriage, it should come out when answering above questions.

    Of course if this is all sincere then it must be accepted that there are always those who seek beyond their backyards and just as many who are content to never leave the theirs. (my spouse and I can find distance kinship to each other in 4 of our bloodlines but my parents after 12 years of marriage still refer to him as that/the "Cali-foreigner")

    So see...ethnicity is in the eye of the beholder =same ancestors but different regions of the USA.....isn't that sad and hillarious at the same time!!!

    Beyond that I would stress !!! birth control !!!


  • Seeker4

    The race and color are meaningless to me. What is of real concern is someone being infatuated with the "idea or concept" of another person. IE: being in love with a Bahamian man or a Japanese woman - irregardless of who they are as an individual. I had a sister and a niece who were like that, with not so great results.

    I would love my daughter to fall in love with someone of a different race if he was great for her and they had a genuine love and respect for each other. No problems there at all.


  • Gill

    We were fine with it. However, the boyfriend's mother said that 'all white girls are slags' and she would not let the subject drop. It seemed to 'colour' his view and so gradually they drifted apart and the relationship ended.

    Racism cuts both ways!

  • greendawn

    It's a case of the inner person the character the personality and not the external appearence. Having said that I believe each race should keep mainly to its own in order to be preserved and not disappear through mixing.

    But a small degree of mixing is fine to create bridges between the races and new interesting varieties of humans with unique physical and mental talents.

  • snowbird

    My 18-year old daugter who is still in the Org is simply brilliant. I know, I know, all parents think their children are the greatest, but this child is straight-up awesome. She graduated #2 this year and is at a university on a full honors academic scholarship. She works part-time, has a savings account, helps me out with bills, groceries, etc. She has her own car, drives and acts responsibly, and is simply a golden child.

    So far, she hasn't dated anyone - I think the guys are intimidated by her intellect. If and when she does begin to date, I hope she will choose a Black person of American heritage. Her dad is from Jamaica and we had to part company because of his controlling behavior. I know it's cultural, but I just couldn't handle it.

    Yes, I admit it. For my daughter's sake I am prejudiced, biased, whatever. My contention is that life for her is going to be difficult enough without having to cope with the added strain of a partner's different ethnicity.



  • minimus

    Thank you for your insights!

    This girl, who is my gf's daughter, regularly makes comments that the Island males are sooooo different than from over here. My take, after meeting a number of the guys was that they were hard partiers and they just love chicks. Nothing wrong with that. What I see, though, is that the girls seem to really believe these guys are different. Methinks not! All 20 year old males have one thing on their mind. And in an island setting, if things don't work out with one, another will be around the corner.

    The girl is already talking about perhaps moving there when she finishes college. Oh, and by the way, she had only known him for 2 weeks before she invited him to her house for the week.

  • RubaDub

    My daughter still has about 10 years before the dating age thing begins but I would have absolutely no problem with whatever race the person happens to be.

    At this time, I may be leaning a bit toward an Asian guy (preferably Thai, Vietnamese or Cambodian) with a large family since my daughter could then get a lot of good recipes for their type of food that I like so much.

    Rub a Dub

  • DiscoSandy

    I married a guy from another ethnic group 23 years ago. He's wonderful and I can't imagine being married to anyone else. I will support my daughter dating anyone from the human race, as long as they are responsible, motivated, and treat her right. It sounds like your daughter is just dating and things may not be too serious at this point. If it turns out to be a long-term relationship, I offer the following advice. There are always going to be some cultural issues when you're in a long-term relationship with someone from a different ethnic background. For example, my husband is from a culture where extended family have a huge amount of power over you in terms of money, decision making, etc. He is called upon continually to help his family out financially and otherwise. This was really hard for me to accept, especially in the early years of our marriage. Cultural difference such as this are not apparent when dating, so it's something to be aware of when pursuing a long-term relationship! If you can't embrace these differences, you need to at least accept them or the relationship will crumble. As a side note - I work with a lady who is turning 70 this year. She confided in me that when she was in her late teens, she was dating a Japanese guy and had fallen in love with him. Her parents were extremely upset and forbid her from pursuing a relationship with him, purely on the basis that he was Japanese. She ended up marrying another dear man, but to this day she regrets her lost love and is upset that her parents did this to her.

  • sweetstuff

    The girl is already talking about perhaps moving there when she finishes college. Oh, and by the way, she had only known him for 2 weeks before she invited him to her house for the week.

    She's young Mini, she is going to make mistakes and go through phases. IMO only thing your girlfriend can do is be supportive and give her daughter good advice on being safe. In the end, she will do what she wants.

  • Dorktacular

    Ha ha. I think I might quickly get a reputation for being crude on this site, but I just have to tell you what I told some guy when he asked my about my wife. I am white. Race doesn't really matter to me. I judge everyone on an individual basis. My daughter, from a previous relationship, is bi-racial. My wife is part Indian (like from India), Chinese, Spanish, French, Black and Caribe. Beautiful island girl. :) So, this guy asked me how could I be with a black woman (even though she's all those other things, too...) and what was the difference between black women and "regular" (him meaning white) women. I just looked at him and told him that women are women and that they're all pink on the inside! SEE! I told you I was crude! I don't know if he got the point or not. Anyway, the point is, when I look at my wife, I don't see a black, Indian, Chinese, Spanish, French etc., etc., woman, I just see my wife and I know that I love her. And when most people see my wife, they don't judge her level of attractiveness by what percentage of what race and/or nationality she's made of. They just tend to look at her and wonder what a drop-dead gorgeous woman like her is doing with a hideos ogre like me! LOL My family asked my why I couldn't pick a white girl this time around. I just told them that when I went to the wife dealership to pick her out, I asked if I can have that model wife, except in white, but they were all out! LOL People are not like cars, you can't custom order them! Anyway, my wife is a good woman and my family loves her, too. They'd rather be around her than some of my brother's (conventional) wives!

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