DF and heartbroken

by cassyrene 65 Replies latest jw experiences

  • franzy

    dear cassyrene

    like you, and like others here, i have fleshly family who shun me.
    my family is large, three brothers, two sisters, a boatload of
    nieces and nephews, my mother. i'm not welcome in their homes....

    you will be ok. i can hear the clarity in your voice.

    wishing you well.


  • sweet pea
    sweet pea


    You are incredibly brave and courageous for standing up for what you believe and for being true to yourself. You are a woman of integrity and when your children arrive you will be an amazing mother, in spite of your parents' example and especially because of your experience.

    You are an example to all of us of how it is possible to be strong and how not to give in to the emotional blackmail of those closest to us who are able to inflict so much pain on us.

    They are unaware that they are practicing psychological torture on us - being under mind control none of the normal rules of life apply. All we can do is hope that one day they will come to their senses. They will deeply regret what they have done if ever that day arrives.

    In the meantime it is very much their loss.

    Live a wonderful, happy successful life - it is the best antidote. It sounds like you have a wonderful man to help you through the bad times and we are all here for you when you need to pour your heart out.


  • RollerDave

    Welcome Cassy!

    You are among friends, it's all right.

    I am so sorry you had to go through that.

    Maybe it will help if you look at it another way, From your tale I think you have never really HAD a father. You can't lose what you never had.

    I applaud your decision to educate yourself, find love, get married, and move on with your life.

    I think it wise that you don't intend to inform your direct male biological progenitor of any issue you produce.

    unlike him, you intend to be a REAL parent and protect your children.



  • Sassy

    my heart goes out to you. So many have family cut off from them. My mother until recently has had nothing to do with me for years... and i'm not even Dfd or DAd.. but she says I should be, so years ago cut me off. She has had little or no contact with my sister for 20 yrs (she was dfd). Its a horrible thing this thing in the name of religion does to families. My mom recently contacted me wanting to see me and my sister and brother. She said now that she is in bad health, she thinks it is ok with the elders. I dont' know if it is, or if tomorrow I'll be outright shunned again.

    but I know how you feel.. Sometimes we can have replacement family.. others that enter our lives that we can love.. it helps a little.. even if it isn't the same.

    And you have a family with us here..


    PM me if you want to talk further..

  • jambon1

    It really does upset me when I hear stories like this. The shunning policy is unbelievably cruel and heartless. This was one of my problems which lead to my cutting ties with the org. As a father of 2 beutiful children, I can never imagine acting anything like this toward them. You are in my thoughts. Best wishes, Jambon.

  • Shawn10538

    Welcome to the board!! Here's a newsflash for you, Ready? You were raised in a CULT. What you describe in your post are very typical circumstances of cult and ex-cult members. Your story is not unique but rather common. Just read some of the life stories in this forum. Your parents are cult members. Why expect them to act like anything but cult members? Also, recognize that you are an ex-cult member, and like any addict, you need professional help. Personally, I wouldn't live without my therapist. A good therapist can provide a haven from all the madness in your life. So, do this for yourself. Stand in front of a full body mirror, and say, "I am looking at a cult survivor. This is what a cult survivor looks like, and what a cult survivor acts like. I need to work on being more like a normal person, but this will be hard. Why? Because I am an ex-cult member." Then, GO GET HELP. Do not try to heal yourself without help from a professional. Please. PLEASE. Don't go it alone, and don't expect even your therapist to understand ex-cult issues. Provide a copy of Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan, after you have read it yourself. I also reccommend Releasing the Bonds of Cult Mind Control by Hassaan. Good luck, and keep coming back to this forum. It can be a life line.

  • BluesBrother

    Welcome Cassyrene...

    You are brave , and smart !. Every good wish for the future

    Over the years the dubs swing back and forth on this issue of dealing with d/f'd family. Lately they have been pushing a hard line. Perhaps your Father was "counselled " about talking to you? ....Any way , people here understand and I am sorry that I ever sat on committees and did that to people

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    ((((( cassyrene )))))

    So very sorry to hear this is happening.

    Others are right that JWs individually seem to be all over the map with how they uphold the shunning "arrangement". (barf)

    My family has been ultra-gestapo in the shunning of my long-time DFed brother. Not a word was spoken to him by me or my siblings for many, many years. It was a warped, freakin' badge of honor amongst us. He had been DFed for seven years when he wrote a poem about it in college called "Wall of Love". I'll PM it to you if you want.

    We're here for you. No judgements. No shunning.


    May you find peace.

    Open Mind

  • choosing life
    choosing life


    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am sorry you have had such a difficult life. Your father should be ashamed of himself for the lack of care he has shown for you. But, as someone said, they are controlled by a merciless cult.

    You are a strong person to come as far as you have with such little help. I am so glad you have found someone to love and share your life with. I wish you both the best. Build your own life and create a happy family for yourself. If you feel you need to, see a therapist.

    You don't say much about your siblings, except they are not jws. Do you still have contact with them? Will they be at your wedding? Just wondering if you could still count on some of your family.

    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and take care of yourself.

    Sincerely, Choosing Life

  • Younglove1999

    First off, congratulations on getting your Masters. That's awesome!

    I'm glad to have read your story. Like, the others said, there are a lot on these boards that have had your same experience. I think of my sister when I read yours. She was disfellowshiped and "shunned" from the family and I shunned her as well until recently things have been chaninging.

    It saddens me that she has made such huge accomplishments in her life and has gotten so far and my parents cannot be proud of her simply because she is not a JW. She could find the cure for cancer and still be ignored by them.

    it's really sad.


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