DF and heartbroken (page 4)

BlackPearl

Cassy, What a tough road you have been down, our thoughts are with you. My heart aches to read a story like yours. What's more, it's not just a story, it's your life. It seems you're on a good track now, may you have the rest of your life in peace with your new husband. I recieved the following quote from a friend today, it made me think of life and how we live it. Sometimes we get the poop knocked out of us trying to better ourselves, but we just get back up and get after it the next day. We never give up, because giving up isn't an option for us. You're tough, you're bright, and you've got a direction. No one can change that, keep moving forward. We're proud of that Masters Degree. BP "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt

John Doe

Sorry, don't have any advice on your family situation, but I noticed you are an English major. What period do you like better, if you don't mind my asking? Renaissance, Romanticism, modernism? Who's your favorite author?

Lady Liberty

Dear Cassyrene,

WELCOME to the forum dear!!! We are so happy you found us here!! I am so very sorry you are going through so very much!! Please know our hearts go out to you and we understand, as many here have been treated the same manner by their family members. Sounds like your Father is a miserable weak, weak man. But somewhere deep down he loves you. He is in a cult and as Don Cameron would say he is "captive of a concept". As painful as it is..don't give up having faith that one day your Father may see the "truth about the truth" and one day have a change of heart and completely regret how he has allowed you to be treated and has treated you himself.

Until then, try and move on..be happy and focus on begining a wonderful new life with your wonderful new man. Don't allow this to overshadow your happy occasion. Push unhappy sad thoughts out of your mind. We wish you all the happiness in the world, as you certainly deserve it!! Be true to yourself, and in time the pain will fade. Remember, you have found an entire support system here. We are here for you!

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

changeling

Welcome and thank you so much for sharing your story.

Your dad is doing what he is being taught is right.

He has softened before, he'll do it again. Especially if you have a baby.

When the blessed event happens, send him an announcement. My bet is he'll come around, at least for awile.

Until the next assembly when he gets all "spiritual" again, and speaking to you starts bothering his conscience.

If you can handle his "hot and cold" treatment, you can have him in your life forever.

You'll just have to wrap your brain around it being on his terms.

It's not your fault and it's not even your dad's fault. It's his crazy religion.

Take a hug from me and know that everyone on here has a "story" and a heartache.

We share and we comiserate and we make it through.

Welcome,

changeling

TwentyYearsOut

Welcome to JWD Cassyrene.

Remember, no matter what any JW says to you, you deserve to be happy.

You're on the right path, just keep looking forward and aim high. Don't ever let them drag you down.

Also, congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I wish you all the best. You deserve it.

LoverOfTruth

About four years ago I had a similar telephone with my JW Son. My heart sunk when he said "Mom, I'm not supposed to talk with you anymore" ~ My reply to him was "I forgive you because you don't know what you're doing" ~ I'd already been out for about 16 years and we had a very close relationship up until that time. I have a strong feeling the Watchtower is becoming more strict with Jehovah's Witnesses.

Here's what get's me through the hurt:

First and foremost. I realize I can't control the Behavior of Others; I can only control my own actions.

I tell myself, "Just because my son doesn't love me the way I want to be loved, it doesn't me he doesn't love me"

Finally, I communicate with him in a variety of ways. For example, I wrote him a letter on his birthday this past May. I essentially talked about when he was a little boy and shared memories.

LoverOfTruth

Oh and I forgot Cassie. Stay close with the forum here. You have more support than you can imagine. You are definitely not alone. :-)

Bobbi

Welcome to the mayhem, join as we weep and gnash our teeth, bemoaning our exsistances. Wait, that is all wrong. Let me try again.

Welcome to the mayhem, where we build each other up and love one another unconditionally.

Bobbi (whose parents forgot to tell her they were shunning her and had to hear it from her mother in law)

jgnat

Welcome, cassyrene. Have you ever seen wind blow over a field of wheat? The blades wave and sway wherever the wind pushes them. Witnesses are very much like grass when it comes to Watchtower literature. If the Watchtower told them to embrace their disfellowshipped loved-ones, they would do it tomorrow. If the Watchtower told them to never talk to their children again, they would do that too. So in that sense, your father's rejection has nothing to do with you or your achievements. It has everything to do with how enmeshed he is with the religion. Sadly, right now the society is on a hardline stance. It is very difficult for absent children.

You, on the other hand, are an Oak. You are strong, tall and bold. You have taken back your life and made it something beautiful. You may be ruffled by the storms and hail that come your way, but you will not be overcome. Hang on to that.

Dawn

Welcome Cassyrene and hugs to you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Unfortunately how strict family is on a DF'd person is totally unpredictable and up to each individual and/or congregation. I have been DF'd for a number of years, my mother still associates with me regularly (although has waffled on that from time to time), I had 3 brothers who were all elders, one associated with me with no problem, the other two refuse to speak to me. It is no comfort - I know. And I'm sorry.

What I can offer you is my advice - take from this what learning experience you can and vow that these hurtful actions will stop with you and never impact your children. As a parent you can make a change in the future of society by loving your children unconditionally and making them aware that they do not have to tolerate such behavior. I have found through the years that those members of my family who I lost were eventually replaced by new family that I love very much. You will have a whole new family in your children and your grand children - cherish them and be proud that you are protecting them from suffering what you have gone through.

DF and heartbroken

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