My husband and I have just been going back and forth so much lately about how we truly feel so happy to finally be doing what feels right to us.
My little one is almost 6 months old and I'm so excited to teach her how to be a good, caring person and look forward to just a wonderful life.
I used to get pretty stressed out about having a baby because I wondered how I would react to little issues like her wanting to do sports, or to bring me to mother's day breakfast at her day care. My husband and I always had conversations about how we'd probably do it anyways and not tell anyone. I know my husband has had his doubts for quite some time and before I started waking up, I remember being worried about his procrastination to get our Proxy forms filled out, or when I'd ask him a question about something I didn't understand, he'd say, "yeah, it's messed up. it really doesn't make sense, but they're going to say it means XYZ anyways." I remember thinking "oh no! he's turning apostate" but then thinking "hmm well his points are valid- I kind find anything to refute it."
At first during our "life changing lunch", my take was just that I really didn't care about religion. I coudl honestly say I had no desire to be spiritually minded. GOing out in service, attending meetings, etc. were just a waste of time. I could care less. My husband had true issues about the teachings, etc. and I could tell he really put a lot of thought and research into it. He said it always took him so long to do talks because he just could never truly convince himself that what the WTS said was right. HE said there were always too many gaps. etc.
I really didn't want to discuss all of that because at the time #1, I didn't really care, but also I didn't want to form a true opinion of the religion itself based on what my husband told me, but I wanted to see for myself. SO slowly over the next few months, I started seeing things differently. Remembering things from the past that really weren't right- that still bothered me. Like the time when I got privately reproved because I made out with a wordly guy and it kind of got out of hand. I didn't have sex or anything, but anyways- I knew it fell under the whole "Pornia" crap. The elders were so intent on getting every piece of detail. And then 2 years later when my husband and I confessed that we had had sex (we weren't married, just engaged), they asked me every single detail possible. IT was disgusting. I felt like I had been raped because I had to expose so much to them. IT was just humiliating. I might as well have been sitting there naked. It truly disgusted me and I really struggled with it even after I got reinstated. I couldn't look at those brothers ever ever again without feeling sick.
I've been keeping my journal at work and was home today and will be home during the weekend, so I may not get to post as much and I have a few situations that I wrote about that I look forward to posting.
I'm really glad to have met everyone here and look forward to geting to know everyone.