O.K. Minimus- I see what you are saying in that the ex did not break marital " vows". What I meant is she showed an extreme lack of caring about the confidentiality of our relationship by going to these elders without telling me anything about it. That was wrong. Also you mentioned about the societies current view of oral sex between married people as still being wrong. I beg to differ from things I have read. In the " Pay Attention to Yourselves and to the Flock" book which I know you are familiar with having been an elder it says, and I quote:
Pg.142 " While the Christian congregation is not in a position to give direction as to all SEXUAL MATTERS concerning the marriage bed, individuals may be advised that in their intimate relations, as in all other aspects of Christian life, they need to display kindness, love, and concern for each other. " It goes on and says, " While perverted practices are wrong, if within a marriage one is involved in such, it does not mean that he or she would necessarily lose service privileges. If such conduct becomes known to the elders, they would need to consider: Is the practice recent or ongoing, or is it something that ocurred in the past and is definitely conquered ? Is the individual promoting such conduct as a life style ? Is his attitude one of remorse ? If he is sincerely repentant and the situation is not generally known , it may not be necessary to remove privileges of service. "
So in that quote I read nowhere that it says a wife has the responsibility to go to the elders if her husband is wanting oral sex. It initially states , " the christian congregation is not in a position to give direction as to all sexual matters. " So it's up to the couple to keep it loving then. I think the elders main concern is the promoting of such within the congregation. The conduct would never become known to the elders if marriage mates were considerate of each others emotional needs. It is none of the elders business is what I'm saying. It even stated you may not even lose privileges. Yet, you seem to be treating this as an abhorrent sin, Minimus.
The reason there is so much confusion about the societies view on oral sex is because it changes and waffles it's view constantly, depending on which elder you talk to. When I was in this cult, I aked this question to several different elders, and you know what their response was? Some said, no, you shouldn't do it, some said, " Oh! That's a personal conscious decision to be made by a man and his wife!" So which is it ? Both? No wonder people in that religion are so confused!
So, it may or may not interest you to know, to appease my ex- wife, after I thought about it awhile, I did meet with her and the elders to discuss the situation. And the elders counseled us saying, " Well brother Flipper you should consider your wife is sensitive in this area". I said, " I understand. Nothing is or has ever been forced on her to do anything she did not want. " And then they counseled her and said, " Sister Ex-Flipper, you know your husband is a normal man with normal physical needs. If he does not get satisfaction through the marriage, you certainly don't want him looking elsewhere do you? " Then they said, " Sister Ex-Flipper have you considered getting professional help to deal with the anger over what your uncle's did to you ? " She just angrily replied, " I don't need professional help. It's everybody elses fault I'm this way." And the look she gave the elders was one of hating they asked her that. So there you go, how do we help those who don't want to be helped? Answer, you can't.
So I agree with your final take to me Minimus. Yes, the ex was seriously mentally disturbed by what had happened by the uncles, but she refused any help, thus contributing directly to the marriages demise. So I have no need for a religion which intrudes where they have no right to belong. My witness relatives were even horrified by what the ex did, going to the elders like that. My at the time 70 yearold mother said, " If the truth was known most of those elders wives do it to their husbands and vice versa". I thought that was funny. Anyway I respect you Minimus, just disagreed on the coming out to elders about this aspect of a married couples life. Peace out to you, Mr. Flipper